Tag / Stephen Covey

by Nathan Coumbe

What Successful People Do Differently

You’ve probably looked at someone who was in great shape and thought to yourself, “Man, I wish I could be like him.” 

Maybe this thought crossed your mind soon after: “If I really enjoyed hours at the gym and grilled chicken and broccoli every night for dinner, I’d be fit too.”

Here’s the thing – fit people don’t necessarily enjoy spending 3-4 hours a week at the gym or eating simple, similar meals over and over again. It’s not a matter of enjoyment. 

What they do is subordinate their cravings, emotions, and desires to a higher value system they establish for themselves. 

People who are successful at anything do the same thing. Albert E. Gray said it best when he wrote:

“The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don’t like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”

–Albert E. Gray

“Whoever said this was going to be easy?”

One of the most important lessons I learned from Dr. John Berardi of Precision Nutrition is that when making change for your health and fitness goals, you are going to be tired; you are going to be hungry sometimes; you are going to be in a crabby mood and not want to do what is good for you. His response: “whoever said this was going to be easy?”

Successful people, whether they are successful in health or fitness, or successful in their families and careers, are just like you and me. They have the same cravings, the same desire to say “screw it all” or “I don’t want to do that” or “I’m scared I might fail/they might laugh at me/they might say no.” The only difference is they make the choice to act anyway. 

They are able to do this because they want something more than the resistance is telling them they want in this very moment. They begin with the end in mind and act proactively, rather than living in and for the moment, reacting to whatever whim, craving, or feeling comes their way during any given moment. 

This way of living–of choosing to do things that failures don’t want to do–can all be traced back to fundamental principles of effective living. They are embodied clearly and coherently in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. Successful people subordinate their fears and momentary desires to values, principles, and a desired end-goal. They “begin with the end in mind” as Dr. Covey writes in the chapter about Habit 2. 

They don’t WANT to do it either.

A successful sales person probably doesn’t want to make another cold call and face the very real possibility of rejection. But she does it anyway because the end she has in mind might be a full sales pipeline, a good income to support her family, or the growth of her business (perhaps all three and more). She’s just as scared as anyone else; she still feels the butterflies in her stomach when she dials the number; but she chooses to act rather than react to the feelings of the moment. 

You are a successful person already because you have the ability to do this with every task, project, and goal in your life. Realize that it’s all a matter of choice based on the end-result you desire. Envision the end you want to achieve, hold it in your mind in the moment of choice, and make decisions based on which outcomes get you closer to the end you want.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Are you as effective as you could be?

Here’s a story:

A man is walking through the woods alone when he comes upon a lumberjack hard at work. The lumberjack is sawing with all his might through a very large tree, and the man can tell this worker is exhausted.

“How long have you been at this one tree?” the man asks.

The lumberjack replies, “About 4 hours now, and I’m exhausted.”

The man watches for a few more moments and realizes the saw has become rather dull from overuse.

“Why don’t you stop to sharpen your saw?” the man suggests to the lumberjack. “You will probably finish in half the time it is taking you.”

“I can’t stop,” replies the lumberjack. “I’m too busy sawing.”

This story is where Dr. Stephen R. Covey got the name of his seventh habit “Sharpen the Saw®” in his monumental work, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

In essence, most of us feel we are too busy to stop working long enough to revitalize ourselves in ways that would make us even more productive when we returned to work. We think the only solution to more results is more work. This, of course, leads to exhaustion, stagnation, and burn-out.

“The human organism needs an ample supply of good building material to repair the effects of daily wear and tear.”

–Indra Devi

What are you doing each day to supply that good building material you need? There are four dimensions to life–physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual–and each ones needs its own raw materials.

For the body: eat right and be active! This does not mean strict diets or multi-hour workouts 7 days a week. It means sensible eating and regular, quality movement throughout the day. I personally recommend Precision Nutrition for their quality (and free) resources, as well as their more expensive coaching options. Here is an article they released today on the benefits of small amounts of movement throughout the day rather than big workouts and nothing else each day.

For the mind: read. This is the simplest, smallest thing you can do each day to rejuvenate your mind and unleash your creativity. If you read only 10 minutes a day at an average speed, you will read approximately one book each month. 12 books a year will change who you are as a person. Start with this reading list here.

For the heart (social/emotional): read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. No other book will help you improve your relationships with others and develop the self-awareness needed to effectively conduct yourself in the world than this one.

For the soul: you don’t have to be religious or pick up a copy of religious text to rejuvenate your spirit, but you must invest in your soul somehow. Read inspirational literature or biographies by great thinkers and leaders who inspire you. Go for a walk outside (social distancing, of course) without music or podcasts or social media, and listen to the sounds around you. Let your mind wander when you do it.

Give yourself the right stuff today to keep your saw sharp.

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*Note: I do occasionally use affiliate links on this blog, which results in a small commission for me if you purchase something. However, I only recommend products in which I truly believe.

by Nathan Coumbe

Encourage ignorance (and overcome it)

When you are serving other people (i.e., working), there will be times when you don’t have the answer to the problem in front of you.

Perhaps you work in customer service, a retail store, or banking. Someone is going to ask you a question for which you do not have an answer. What do you do?

If you went to a typical school or were processed through typical corporate training, you might have a few possible answers immediately:

  1. Tell the customer you don’t know, you’re sorry, and you can’t help them.
  2. Immediately go to your boss and ask her to give you the answer or take over the situation entirely (unless your boss is a crazy control freak and wants her finger on the pulse of every step you take, she won’t appreciate this).
  3. Try to figure it out yourself by moving through all the formulas, procedures, and company policies with which you were conditioned (definitely not the worst option, but it’s limited in its effectiveness).

Do you see a better option?

The better option

You are surrounded by people that know more than you, have more experience than you, and do the same type of work as you, either in person or resources on the internet. Ask them for help, but take it one step further.

Learn alongside the person you are trying to help. It’s easy and has two benefits: 1) the person in need gets the help he or she requires, and 2) you learn something new that will be in your toolbelt for next time.

Here’s your answer when you don’t know:

“I don’t know the solution to this problem, but I guarantee we can find one. Let’s find out what it is together!“

The flaw in our system

Most of our education and training conditions us to work by ourselves, independently from everyone else, under an authority figure who has all the answers.

“Only raise your hand if you know the answer” becomes “never acknowledge ignorance in front of customers!” That will only discredit you. They will lose faith in you. You will be humiliated.

Actually, no – by being humble enough to admit your ignorance, they will respect you for not lying to them, not giving them bad information that will fail or hurt them in practice, and not wasting their time.

The real world is full of collaboration, synergy, and needs us to use all available resources to find the answers. The real world is an open-book group test.

It is not full of, nor should we encourage, independent work with no outside help, an authority figure with all the answers, or a lack of information that you are not allowed to remedy by looking up the answer.

If the real world isn’t like that, why are we training people to operate that way?

Be bold, be brave, and admit your ignorance. Then go find the answer using every person and resource at your disposal.

“I don’t know – let’s find out together.”

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by Nathan Coumbe

Praise the good. Ignore the rest.

If you want to create lasting influence with others, or change for the better, there is really only one way to do it:

Praise the good.

“So long as a person did anything good, he would praise him and use him for the service in which he excelled, but to his other conduct he paid no attention…”

–Cassius Dio writing about Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius

When Emperor Marcus Aurelius wanted to influence other people, to reinforce the behaviors and actions he wanted to see, he would praise the person who did the good deed. This is actually quite Pavlovian in its execution.

Conditioning good behavior

Remember Pavlov from your introductory psychology class? Pavlov would ring a bell before he gave his dogs food; the food caused the dogs to salivate. Eventually the dogs associated the ringing bell with food and would salivate when the bell rang, even when Pavlov did not give them food.

Marcus essentially did the same thing with those in his service: whenever they did something of which he approved, he praised it. This constant reinforcement of the good conditioned his people to do more good work in the future. But there is a second part to Dio’s observation above…

Pay no attention to the rest

Not only did Marcus praise the good, he ignored the behavior and actions he didn’t want to continue. Why did he do this?

There is a wonderful little book who’s first chapter discusses this at length:

“Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”

–Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

How often have you had a positive outcome after you criticized someone for doing something? I would hazard a guess at 10%.

When you criticize someone, they get angry, defensive, and emotionally illogical. He or she will justify the action rather than accept that it was wrong. It’s a natural human response. We don’t like to be wrong, and we definitely don’t like other people pointing out our poor behavior.

Therefore, the only way to get the results you want from other people is to praise them when you seeing them do the good deeds you want done. Criticizing the bad doesn’t work: it only causes resentment.

“We are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures brisling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

–Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

(Of course, there are some behaviors that are dangerous, illegal, immoral, or that might harm others; these behaviors must be stopped immediately. Those sorts of behaviors are not the topic of discussion here.)

Be a model

How do let others know what good actions or behaviors are? You must be a model. Do the things you want others to do; be the kind of person you want others to be.

Seth Godin likes to say, “people like us do things like this.” Invite people to be “people like us,” whoever you think “people like us” should be. Then, do the things you want others to do, and when they follow, praise them for it!

Model good behavior. Praise others when they perform good work. Ignore the rest.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Make a huge difference with one small behavior change

In his second great book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, relates the story of Muhammad Yunus, an economics professor who founded the Grameen Bank – an institution that makes microloans to the impoverished citizens of Bangledesh. His story deserves to be quoted at length, but I will not do that here. What follows is a summary.

Muhmmad Yunus Saw a Need

Muhammad Yunus earned a Ph.D. and began teaching economics at a university in Bangladesh. While he was inside lecturing on macroeconomic principles, the citizens of Bangladesh were struggling to survive in a life of abject poverty.

One day when Dr. Yunus walked out of class, he passed a woman making beautiful, handmade bamboo chairs. Upon further discussion, he determined the woman was making two pennies per day.

Why? Because she was in a terrible arrangement with her supplier who only allowed her to sell the chairs back to him. Dr. Yunus then discovered that the woman only needed $0.20-0.25 cents to buy the materials herself, then she would no longer be in bonded labor to the supplier.

He discovered that other citizens were struggling in much the same way. His assistant went around asking how much money different people in his neighborhood needed to make a living: he reported back that all together they needed $27.

TWENTY-SEVEN DOLLARS! Dr. Yunus took that money out of his wallet, gave it to his assistant, and told him to tell those who were receiving the money simply to pay him back whenever they could (which they all did, eagerly and quickly).

Dr. Yunus Met a Need

There is much more to the story than that, including a long battle with banks in the area who did not believe anyone would pay back the money that was loaned to them (which they did). Dr. Yunus discovered, simply by opening his eyes and talking to people around him, that while he might not be changing the world with a $27 loan, he was changing someone’s world.

Dr. Yunus went on to create and found his own financial institution, Grameen Bank, which specializes in making small loans to people all over Bangladesh so they can create businesses, making a living, and pull themselves out of poverty. To this day it has loaned billions of dollars in microcredit to hundreds of millions of citizens, and it changed their lives.

Why am I telling you this story?

What You Need to Do

Change how you move through the world. Today, and each day for the rest of your life, when you drive around town, walk outside, or even scroll through social media, pay attention to the people.

What are they doing? What are they posting on social media? Can you identify a need in what they are saying? Are they struggling to accomplish a task or project?

Are they asking a question to which you know the answer or have a solution?

Assume, as Dr. Yunus says, “a worm’s-eye view” of the world. Don’t look for huge problems to solve: look for small, everyday problems. Find someone in need, ask yourself if you have the will and the skill to meet that need, and then do something about it. Show up, solve a problem, and keep doing that over and over again.

Ask yourself if you have the will and skill to meet someone’s need today.

You may not change the world, but you will change that person’s world. Do that enough times, solve enough problems for people, and you might begin to see a greater need that can be met by a business, service, or non-profit.

Find a need, meet the need, and make a difference today.

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*Note: some links on my site are affiliate links which means I make a small commission for purchases made. This does not affect you in any way.

by Nathan Coumbe

How to get an education that pays during your quarantine

When was the last time you learned something new?

It was probably a few minutes ago when you read an article on your favorite social media site, and you weren’t even aware you were learning. Why not do it intentionally?

Learning and education don’t cease when school ends. If it does, you’ve made a choice, and you will quickly find yourself becoming obsolete.

No one cares about the degree you got 10 years ago. They want to know if you are competent in the areas needed to accomplish the kind of work you want to do.

Learning and going to school are not the same thing. You might have hated school, but you definitely love learning. School requires that you do things you hate, but you aren’t in school anymore. You can learn whatever you want to learn right now.

Always wanted to learn how to draw? Do you want to redo math, not because you have to but because you want to? Maybe you want to learn calligraphy or tennis. Perhaps you want to get a new job, but you don’t have the marketing skills needed by the company. Now is the time, and now you HAVE time.

Learning anything new is part of your ongoing education. Why not do it intentionally? What are you doing right now to invest in your own education?

I’ll give you some ideas.

How to learn for free (or at least cheaply)

  1. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. If you only do one thing on this list, do this one. The $10 you spend on this book will be the best investment you ever make. It will change your outlook on life, it will improve your relationships with other people, and it will revolutionize how you act.
  2. Take online courses.
    • LinkedIn Learning
    • Udemy
    • Coursera – want a recommendation? Seth Godin has the absolute best courses on Udemy. Start there.
    • Khan Academy (retake high school absolutely free and enjoy it this time)
    • CreativeLive – learn how to draw, take stunning photographs, start your own creative freelancing business, and so much more.
    • Massachussetts Institute of Technology OCW (seriously, take actual courses from MIT absolutely free)
    • edX – Speaking of great schools, this website lets you take real, full courses from Ivy League schools from the comfort of your living room for free. No strings attached. If you want a certificate to hang on your wall or post on LinkedIn, you can pay a small fee and get proof that you completed Ivy League courses.
    • HubSpot Academy – become an expert in marketing for absolutely nothing.
  3. Read books.
    • Libraries still exist. Even if they aren’t open right now, you can download e-books for free from every library in the country. Go read books on subjects about which you are curious. It doesn’t cost you a dime.
    • Download the Kindle app for free on your phone. Then buy The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Seriously. You can buy books on every subject imaginable for less than $10 each. Most of the time you can get them for $5 or even $0.99. There is no excuse for failing to read. Swap 30 minutes a day of mindlessly scrolling Instagram, and you will become an expert on a subject in a matter of weeks or months.
  4. Subscribe to magazines.
    • Read the Harvard Business Review. It is well worth $18 a month. Get an entire master’s degree in business for what you spend on lunch.
    • Success Magazine and Inc. are two of my favorites. The former will inspire you to live your best life; the latter will give you much-needed insights on how to succeed in any work or business.
  5. Listen to podcasts – again, FREE.
    • “Akimbo” by Seth Godin
    • “48 Days to the Work You Love” by Dan Miller
    • “EntreLeadership” from Ramsey Solutions
    • “On Leadership with Scott Miller” from Franklin Covey
  6. Watch TED Talks and documentaries on Netflix or Amazon Prime Video.

There is no reason for you not to come out of this crisis with new skills, new knowledge, and an unofficial masters degree in one subject or another.

Be proactive. Take control of your education today.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Accepting things as they are doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about them

The latest newsletter by Ryan Holiday on Stoicism (feel free to read it here) got me thinking about the difference between stoically, proactively accepting something as it is versus doing so in a passive, resigned way.

Holiday points out that Stoics were once criticized as being “too resigned…[accepting] the status quo.” That particular phrase got me thinking about accepting reality and taking action.

There are plenty of folks in the world who accept things passively, resignedly, like a sad sack – “there’s nothing I can do about it.” However, that isn’t what Stoics, or indeed, any religious or philosophical teaching truly preached.

Jesus told us turn the other cheek.

Epictetus told us to accept the things we can’t control as they are.

However, none of this means we simply roll over and die, accepting our fate. Quite the opposite, in fact. What these teachings tell us to do is face reality, then take action.

Circle of influence

Stephen Covey talks about the “Circle of Concern” and “Circle of Influence” in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; these two circles are precisely the ideas about which Jesus, Epictetus, and other Stoic philosophers were trying to teach us.

There are things that we simply cannot change or do anything about. You can’t control whether someone slaps you in the face. You can’t control the economy, the weather, what the politicians in Washington do, or what your boss is like. You have to accept these as reality, or you will waste time and energy banging your head against the wall.

You can control how you respond to the guy who slaps you in the face, how you handle your money in times of crises, or how you dress and prepare when the weather turns nasty.

You can control how you treat other people, whether or not you vote, whether you actively contribute to your community, or whether you make positive deposits into your most important relationships.

You can control what skills you learn, how diligent you are in your job search, whether you give more than you are asked and build more trust with your boss as a result, and how you react when the boss doesn’t change his behavior.

Complaining, comparing, attempting to change things involving other people’s behavior, or changing the way the world works, for the most part, is ridiculously ineffective. You must instead focus your attention on things over which you have actual influence and control; most of the time those are things involve you: your behaviors, your actions, and your views of the world.

Accepting things as they are is the most important first step in changing how things are.

Until you accept reality as it is, there is nothing you can do to make a difference.

That’s my rant for today. Thanks for reading.

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by Nathan Coumbe

“But why is no one listening to me?”

You are having an argument with your spouse, and she doesn’t understand your point of view, no matter how much you push it.

Your children won’t do anything that you ask them to do. They won’t engage or communicate with you; they shut down every time you try to talk to them.

You are writing blogs and posts, but no one is reading or responding to them.

You’ve created a product that will change lives, but no one is buying it.

Naturally, you ask the question:

“Why is no one listening to me?”

You feel you are doing everything right. You have the right ideas or the right argument; you know more than your children; this product is truly amazing and has revolutionized the way you see and do things. And yet, no one is listening. No one is engaging. No one is buying.

Why?

Because you aren’t listening to them.

The only way to get others to listen to you, to engage with you, to buy from you, is to listen to them and understand their points of view, their wants, and their needs.

If you bludgeon people over the head with your arguments and ideas, they won’t accept them; they don’t have the same ideas, the same noise inside their heads. They are telling themselves different stories. The key to being listened to, to making an impact, is to understand those other stories.

You don’t have to agree with them, but you do have to listen to and understand them. When people feel understand, when they feel heard, when they know that you see them and their side of things, they feel more open to hearing what you have to say.

“Seek first to understand, then be understood.”

–Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

No one is listening to you because you aren’t listening to them.

Your spouse won’t listen to your side of the argument because all you are thinking of is your side of the argument.

Your children won’t listen to your advice and guidance – even though you probably do know more and understand more than they do – because they don’t feel like you understand them, how they feel, or the narrative in their heads.

No one is buying your stuff because as awesome as it is, they don’t get how it will benefit them or how it will make them feel once they use it. Why? Because you didn’t take the time to understand what they want or how they want to feel.

Understand

To influence someone, you must open yourself to the possibility of being influenced by the other person. This means creating a feeling of understanding in the other person. This is not meant to be manipulative: you must genuinely want to understand the other person. Also, people can tell if you are simply trying to manipulate them rather than understand them.

Listen to what your spouse wants; listen to how your children feel; listen to the needs and frustrations of your customers.

Understanding must always come first; otherwise you’ll fail.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Everything is marketing. Everything is sales.

That’s the premise.

Even on the smallest scale, we are marketing and selling. It might not be products but rather ideas or ways of thinking and being. 

If I have an idea about how people can behave or change to improve their lives, to become the best possible versions of themselves, it does no one any good unless I can persuade them to adopt the ideas. That means that I have to sell to them.

“Making is insufficient. You haven’t made an impact until you’ve changed someone.”

– Seth Godin, This Is Marketing, p. xiv

Marketing and sales are both about influence; each of us must influence others to create change (we will get into the ethics of influence in another post).

Leadership in the modern age is sales and marketing. During the Industrial Age, a leader told an employee what to do and that person either complied or left. In the Knowledge Age, a leader must influence those who follow. You can still attempt tell people what to do, but it rarely leads to enrollment and willing compliance, without which high-quality work does not occur. However, influencing them – by empathizing and understanding what they want, feel, need, and believe, and then having the courage to let them know your ideas for progress – this sort of leadership brings others willingly to your way of thinking. (It also potentially creates better ideas than either party came up with on their own.)

Every career requires sales and marketing. A psychologist is both a salesperson and a marketer. If they do not market, they do not get patients. She cannot rely on her credentials to bring people into the office.

A teacher is marketing each time she sets foot in the classroom. If she cannot get her students to come with her, if she cannot get them excited and willing to go on the learning journey, her knowledge and expertise are useless. She must influence them.

If you coach people on how to level up their careers, personal lives, or get past negative scripting from earlier life periods, you must sell them on the ideas you present. If you fail to do so, or do it poorly, you have failed to create change or the desire for it in the other person. 

Regardless of whom you seek to influence, you must always begin by understanding them, their points of view, their wants, desires, worries, fears, and problems. That is always the first step to influence, and influence is marketing.

We all must influence others to make change happen, and if everything is marketing and everything is sales, you might as well learn to do it well.

Start with this book here.

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by Nathan Coumbe

You might be the smartest person in the room…

You might be the smartest person in the room, but that probably doesn’t matter.

Being the most trusted person in a room, the one everyone believes they can rely on – being that kind of person will benefit you much more.

Being the smartest person in the room really doesn’t matter if no one likes or trusts you; if the relationship is bad, no one will listen to all the wonderful ideas and vast stores of knowledge inside you.

Work on your integrity and your relationships first, then work on increasing your knowledge.

Become the most socially/emotionally intelligent person in the room.

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