Tag / marriage

by Nathan Coumbe

Love ends because life ends

The Stoics have a practice known as memento mori. It translates (loosely) to “remember you will die.”

I’ve thought of death just about every day that I can remember since I began to understand it as the ultimate destination of life. 

But it became more real to me when I fell in love and got married. Because I realized a bittersweet truth: 

I signed up for devastating grief. 

My marriage was, eventually, going to end in death, either my own or my wife’s.***

And that’s a sobering thought. But it also serves as a constant reminder of just how wonderful love is. You can’t have one without the other. 

All love, eventually, ends in sadness. 

Teenagers break up. Adults get married, then someone dies… Or leaves. Family members lose each other slowly… Or sometimes all at once.

Ultimately, love ends because life ends. 

But maybe that’s why it’s such a powerful element. Because we willingly dive headfirst into it knowing that it will end in the most painful way possible. One way or another. 

I never really voiced this thought out loud until I came across this quote from Nick Cave:

“It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.”

And it’s totally worth it.

***For those of you who say, “But your marriage could also end in divorce!”, you clearly don’t know Theresa or me. 🤣

by Nathan Coumbe

You are doing just fine. Relax.

We are constantly getting caught up – in what we don’t have, haven’t accomplished, how far we have to go, what we need to be doing next to get where we think we want to go.

It’s exhausting.

It’s also very frustrating and discouraging if you are not careful. When you find yourself getting caught up in all the stuff bouncing around your head, it helps to take a step back and look at things from a bird’s-eye view.

View your life on a timeline. I will illustrate with my own:

15 years ago, I was beginning one of the darkest periods of my life: bad relationships, growing up way too fast because my home life was falling apart, deep depression, severe anxiety – these were just a few of the treats I unknowingly had in my future.

10 years ago, I was just beginning college with an idea of what I wanted to do with my life – an idea that changed almost a dozen times in five years.

5 years ago, I was finishing my senior year of college. After graduation, I took a job making money that had me living below the poverty line in Mississippi. I was making about half of what I spent on my college education.

In the last five years, I graduated, got married, worked in five distinctly separate fields, got promoted three times, was actively recruited by a company because of skills I developed outside of college, and more than doubled my income.

It’s easy to get stuck on how far you have to go and all the things you haven’t yet accomplished. Don’t forget to look back and see how far you’ve come. The perspective will instantly change how you feel.

Relax. You’re doing just fine.

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