Tag / children

by Nathan Coumbe

Respect must come before respect

You can’t treat children as less than human, then expect them to give you respect in return. 

Just because they aren’t yet adults doesn’t mean they don’t deserve dignity and respect. 

“Children should be seen but not heard…” That was the mantra many adults from my parents’ generation lived by (though, thankfully, not mine).

They have tiny, yet insightful opinions. They possess creativity and vivid imaginations you’d kill to reclaim. 

And their questions are incisive enough to make even the wisest philosophers question their views.

The Golden Rule applies to our kids as well as our peers… 

by Nathan Coumbe

A childish sense of wonder

We have completely lost our sense of wonder. Everyone’s in such a hurry that we can’t take the time to appreciate the little things that surround us.

I was out for my daily Artist’s walk and passed a mom and her child. The child was taking tiny steps left and right into the grass, off the path, fascinated by every little thing that he saw. 

Meanwhile the dad was snapping impatiently at the son and the wife: “Hurry up, move faster! Come on, let’s go, let’s get out of here!” 

I was so pleased to see mom stand up for her little boy. She said, “But Daddy, there’s so much to see!“ There was, and he was adamant about exploring every bit of it.

  • What if we could once again find fulfillment from the grass between our toes?
  • How much nicer would life be if a special pinecone fascinated us?
  • Remember that feeling of finding an unusual leaf and wanting nothing more than to stick it in your pocket and take it home?

We could all use a little bit more of that childish wonder in our lives.

by Nathan Coumbe

“But why is no one listening to me?”

You are having an argument with your spouse, and she doesn’t understand your point of view, no matter how much you push it.

Your children won’t do anything that you ask them to do. They won’t engage or communicate with you; they shut down every time you try to talk to them.

You are writing blogs and posts, but no one is reading or responding to them.

You’ve created a product that will change lives, but no one is buying it.

Naturally, you ask the question:

“Why is no one listening to me?”

You feel you are doing everything right. You have the right ideas or the right argument; you know more than your children; this product is truly amazing and has revolutionized the way you see and do things. And yet, no one is listening. No one is engaging. No one is buying.

Why?

Because you aren’t listening to them.

The only way to get others to listen to you, to engage with you, to buy from you, is to listen to them and understand their points of view, their wants, and their needs.

If you bludgeon people over the head with your arguments and ideas, they won’t accept them; they don’t have the same ideas, the same noise inside their heads. They are telling themselves different stories. The key to being listened to, to making an impact, is to understand those other stories.

You don’t have to agree with them, but you do have to listen to and understand them. When people feel understand, when they feel heard, when they know that you see them and their side of things, they feel more open to hearing what you have to say.

“Seek first to understand, then be understood.”

–Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

No one is listening to you because you aren’t listening to them.

Your spouse won’t listen to your side of the argument because all you are thinking of is your side of the argument.

Your children won’t listen to your advice and guidance – even though you probably do know more and understand more than they do – because they don’t feel like you understand them, how they feel, or the narrative in their heads.

No one is buying your stuff because as awesome as it is, they don’t get how it will benefit them or how it will make them feel once they use it. Why? Because you didn’t take the time to understand what they want or how they want to feel.

Understand

To influence someone, you must open yourself to the possibility of being influenced by the other person. This means creating a feeling of understanding in the other person. This is not meant to be manipulative: you must genuinely want to understand the other person. Also, people can tell if you are simply trying to manipulate them rather than understand them.

Listen to what your spouse wants; listen to how your children feel; listen to the needs and frustrations of your customers.

Understanding must always come first; otherwise you’ll fail.

Join the others in creating change the world needs. Subscribe below.

Join 904 other subscribers

*Some of my posts contain affiliate links, which means I make a small commission on any purchases.

by Nathan Coumbe

Empathy

“Until thy feet have trod the Road

Advise not wayside folk.”

–Rudyard Kipling

What is Kipling’s meaning? Should we not correct others when they do wrong, unless we ourselves have done the same wrong? I don’t think so.

I think Kipling is speaking of empathy, the skill of attempting to feel what someone else is feeling, of putting oneself in the shoes of another.

Most people react when they see someone acting in a way with which they disagree or do not understand. We see a parent fail to harshly correct a child for misbehaving, so we assume the parent is inept or irresponsible. A person resorts to drinking as a coping mechanism, so we call them a wastrel, a drunk, or a fool.

But what if you put yourself in place of the parent, or even the child? As the child, how would you prefer to be corrected? With harsh words and physical punishment, or through a one-on-one conversation used as a teaching moment? Would this not grow trust and improve the relationship? Perhaps the parent had a painful childhood she does not wish to repeat with her own offspring, so she chooses to react with restraint.

Look at the alcoholic, a type of person with which I have had more experience than I wish to remember. Perhaps he grew up in a violently abusive or neglectful household; perhaps he saw friends and innocents killed in a horrifying warzone. Yes, alcohol will not heal his wounds,nor is it a healthy way to cope. However, to judge and condemn without the same experiences of that person, or at least without empathizing with him, is an ineffective way to interact with the person. Empathy and understanding would go much further towards helping him to recover were he willing.

This is not to say that you should not try to help others find the right path, but how it is done can make all the difference.

Moreover, until you have put yourself in the place of another, how can you be sure that the other person is wayside and not yourself? Were you to empathize with them, you might come to find that your paradigm, your view of the world, is incomplete or inaccurate. We would all like to believe that we are objective and rational, but more often than not we fail at both.

Choose empathy before all else. You might then be in a position to influence others in positive ways. And if not, you have still become a better human for the attempt.

Join 904 other subscribers
by Nathan Coumbe

What would it take to replace you?

Think about your work and personal life for a moment.

What qualities and skills would your employer look for in a new hire were she attempting to replace you?

Be that person now.

What would your spouse, significant other, or children look for in a partner or role model if you weren’t around?

Be that person now.

Start.

Be the person others in your life want and need; you will become nearly impossible to replace.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to recieve new posts as soon as they go live.

Join 904 other subscribers

by Nathan Coumbe

We are all volunteers

Everyone you interact with on a daily basis is a volunteer in your life.

Don’t believe it? Try an experiment:

If you have children, a spouse, or any sort of significant other, order them around, withhold affection, neglect the small kindnesses and courtesies that make relationships so strong and fun.

If you do it long enough and often enough, they will quit.

(Please don’t actually try that experiment.)

The same is true in any organization: simply because someone is employed by another does not mean that person is not a volunteer. You would never neglect the needs and wants of a customer or disrespect her. Why not? Because a customer is a volunteer – she is choosing to do business with you, and that choice can be revoked at any time.

There seems to be some disconnect when money is involved – because the person is paid, she does not deserve the same level of care and dignity given to a customer. This could not be further from the truth.

The employee might be reliant on that money; she might need it for her survival, but she is still a volunteer.

Your friends and family members are volunteers; they are customers. They are choosing to do “business” with you, and at any time, that choice can be revoked. Your employees are volunteers; they just happen to be paid.

Treat everyone with whom you interact as a volunteer customer, and you will seldom be disappointed.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to receive updates as soon as they post.

Join 904 other subscribers