Tag / 7 habits

by Nathan Coumbe

How to get an education that pays during your quarantine

When was the last time you learned something new?

It was probably a few minutes ago when you read an article on your favorite social media site, and you weren’t even aware you were learning. Why not do it intentionally?

Learning and education don’t cease when school ends. If it does, you’ve made a choice, and you will quickly find yourself becoming obsolete.

No one cares about the degree you got 10 years ago. They want to know if you are competent in the areas needed to accomplish the kind of work you want to do.

Learning and going to school are not the same thing. You might have hated school, but you definitely love learning. School requires that you do things you hate, but you aren’t in school anymore. You can learn whatever you want to learn right now.

Always wanted to learn how to draw? Do you want to redo math, not because you have to but because you want to? Maybe you want to learn calligraphy or tennis. Perhaps you want to get a new job, but you don’t have the marketing skills needed by the company. Now is the time, and now you HAVE time.

Learning anything new is part of your ongoing education. Why not do it intentionally? What are you doing right now to invest in your own education?

I’ll give you some ideas.

How to learn for free (or at least cheaply)

  1. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. If you only do one thing on this list, do this one. The $10 you spend on this book will be the best investment you ever make. It will change your outlook on life, it will improve your relationships with other people, and it will revolutionize how you act.
  2. Take online courses.
    • LinkedIn Learning
    • Udemy
    • Coursera – want a recommendation? Seth Godin has the absolute best courses on Udemy. Start there.
    • Khan Academy (retake high school absolutely free and enjoy it this time)
    • CreativeLive – learn how to draw, take stunning photographs, start your own creative freelancing business, and so much more.
    • Massachussetts Institute of Technology OCW (seriously, take actual courses from MIT absolutely free)
    • edX – Speaking of great schools, this website lets you take real, full courses from Ivy League schools from the comfort of your living room for free. No strings attached. If you want a certificate to hang on your wall or post on LinkedIn, you can pay a small fee and get proof that you completed Ivy League courses.
    • HubSpot Academy – become an expert in marketing for absolutely nothing.
  3. Read books.
    • Libraries still exist. Even if they aren’t open right now, you can download e-books for free from every library in the country. Go read books on subjects about which you are curious. It doesn’t cost you a dime.
    • Download the Kindle app for free on your phone. Then buy The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Seriously. You can buy books on every subject imaginable for less than $10 each. Most of the time you can get them for $5 or even $0.99. There is no excuse for failing to read. Swap 30 minutes a day of mindlessly scrolling Instagram, and you will become an expert on a subject in a matter of weeks or months.
  4. Subscribe to magazines.
    • Read the Harvard Business Review. It is well worth $18 a month. Get an entire master’s degree in business for what you spend on lunch.
    • Success Magazine and Inc. are two of my favorites. The former will inspire you to live your best life; the latter will give you much-needed insights on how to succeed in any work or business.
  5. Listen to podcasts – again, FREE.
    • “Akimbo” by Seth Godin
    • “48 Days to the Work You Love” by Dan Miller
    • “EntreLeadership” from Ramsey Solutions
    • “On Leadership with Scott Miller” from Franklin Covey
  6. Watch TED Talks and documentaries on Netflix or Amazon Prime Video.

There is no reason for you not to come out of this crisis with new skills, new knowledge, and an unofficial masters degree in one subject or another.

Be proactive. Take control of your education today.

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Note: a few of the links above are affiliate links. I get a small commission if a purchase is made. This does not affect you in any way.

by Nathan Coumbe

Accepting things as they are doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about them

The latest newsletter by Ryan Holiday on Stoicism (feel free to read it here) got me thinking about the difference between stoically, proactively accepting something as it is versus doing so in a passive, resigned way.

Holiday points out that Stoics were once criticized as being “too resigned…[accepting] the status quo.” That particular phrase got me thinking about accepting reality and taking action.

There are plenty of folks in the world who accept things passively, resignedly, like a sad sack – “there’s nothing I can do about it.” However, that isn’t what Stoics, or indeed, any religious or philosophical teaching truly preached.

Jesus told us turn the other cheek.

Epictetus told us to accept the things we can’t control as they are.

However, none of this means we simply roll over and die, accepting our fate. Quite the opposite, in fact. What these teachings tell us to do is face reality, then take action.

Circle of influence

Stephen Covey talks about the “Circle of Concern” and “Circle of Influence” in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; these two circles are precisely the ideas about which Jesus, Epictetus, and other Stoic philosophers were trying to teach us.

There are things that we simply cannot change or do anything about. You can’t control whether someone slaps you in the face. You can’t control the economy, the weather, what the politicians in Washington do, or what your boss is like. You have to accept these as reality, or you will waste time and energy banging your head against the wall.

You can control how you respond to the guy who slaps you in the face, how you handle your money in times of crises, or how you dress and prepare when the weather turns nasty.

You can control how you treat other people, whether or not you vote, whether you actively contribute to your community, or whether you make positive deposits into your most important relationships.

You can control what skills you learn, how diligent you are in your job search, whether you give more than you are asked and build more trust with your boss as a result, and how you react when the boss doesn’t change his behavior.

Complaining, comparing, attempting to change things involving other people’s behavior, or changing the way the world works, for the most part, is ridiculously ineffective. You must instead focus your attention on things over which you have actual influence and control; most of the time those are things involve you: your behaviors, your actions, and your views of the world.

Accepting things as they are is the most important first step in changing how things are.

Until you accept reality as it is, there is nothing you can do to make a difference.

That’s my rant for today. Thanks for reading.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Paradigm shift

We would all like to believe that we are objective and see things as they really are.

We would all be lying if we actually believe we view things as they really are.

Stephen Covey wrote, “the way we see the problem is the problem.” One of his teachings was that we do not see the world as it is, but as we are. When something happens that causes us to see something in a new light, it’s called a paradigm shift.

I had one this morning:

I was driving to work and angry. I had been angry since the previous evening. Things had happened that were unplanned and unexpected, and I had hit my limit. I was at a point where I was essentially forcing my point of view on another person.

Then while I was driving, I used that wonderful human power of self-awareness to look at myself and my actions as if from an outsider’s perspective. I realized that, while I felt I was right and justified in how I was feeling and behaving, I was communicating to someone very close to me that I loved them conditionally.

I never said it, but my behaviors and actions were conveying a message:

“I will love you if you do things my way.”

That realization bowled me over: love is never supposed to be conditional. Once I had made the realization that I was unintentionally communicating this feeling, my whole frame of mind changed. I started to see the problem differently. I immediately apologized and let this person know that my love for them came without strings.

But words alone are not enough; anyone can say what I said. I had to go a step further and make it true.

I wasn’t just saying that would love unconditionally: I actually had to change myself and my feelings on the issue at hand. I had to genuinely accept that I was okay with a certain decision being made, even if I thought it was the wrong one.

That view, that I thought it was the wrong decision, was the problem itself. I realized that it was a decision, not a wrong decision; it was being made from a different point of view than my own. I had to genuinely accept the possibility of an outcome that I didn’t like because my relationship with another person was more important to me than getting my way.

This is one of the secrets to good living: look at the problem you are experiencing as if you were a stranger coming upon the scene. Imagine yourself as a third person looking in at an interaction between yourself and another.

To paraphrase Dr. Covey: how you see the problem is the problem.

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*Some posts contain affiliate links, which means I make a small commission on purchases.

by Nathan Coumbe

No one cares how the hot dog is made

When we create something in which we take great pride, we have a tendency to expound on nitty-gritty details of the work that went into it and how it works.

The people who will use or benefit from your something-or-other rarely care about the what or how: they want to know why.

Why should they use it? Why should they buy it? How does implementing it benefit them? How does it improve their lives?

No one cares how a hot dog is made as long as it is delicious and satisfies hunger.

No one cares about the hammer you built. It doesn’t matter what kind of wood the handle is made of or what sort of rare metal from Mars makes up the head. What the user/buyer/beneficiary wants to know is simple:

Will that hammer put a nail in the wall so that I can hang my picture?

Seek to understand who your widget is for and why they would want to use it: that’s the only thing that matters to the end-user.

(You probably should care how a hot dog is made, but that is a discussion for another day.)

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by Nathan Coumbe

Perhaps you’re looking at the wrong map

One of my favorite teachings in Stephen R. Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is the one about paradigms. To summarize, he uses maps as a metaphor for paradigms: they are representations of real places, not the places themselves.

If you are trying to navigate through Atlanta, but the map you received was misprinted with Atlanta as the name but a layout of New York, you are going to have a very difficult time getting where you want to go.

This has resonated with me for the past two days. I have been feeling restless and unsettled about where I am in certain aspects of my personal and professional life. It’s a feeling of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I decided to take a step back and use my powers of self-awareness to look at how I was looking at these circumstances.

I won’t go into detail about all of the things I’ve examined for two days, but what I will say is that I have come to find that I was looking at my life through a certain lens. When I stepped back and looked through a different lens – when I picked up a different map – I had a sudden feeling of clarity.

Perhaps I am in the right place: where I am is allowing me to practice and make mistakes. I am learning and using skills that I have been trying to practice, and I am doing it in an environment that supports me.

My paradigm has changed from one of restlessness to one of purpose: I am here for a reason; I am doing certain things for a reason. I must live in the present for a while, so I can launch into the next phase of my life.

Take a moment today and look at your maps.

Make sure you are looking at the right one.

If not, get a new map.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Successful people do ONE thing all the time

Successful people are normal. They have no superhuman abilities, no extreme discipline honed by years of meditation or special operations training. However, they do something the rest of us don’t always do:

They choose.

Successful people choose what is important to them; they choose to prioritize what is important throughout the day; and they choose to carry out those things regardless of feelings or external triggers.

You must plan to do the things that matter – the things that will get you where you want to go. These are the achievements, contributions, and attributes for which you want to be remembered at your funeral.

Before you can plan them, however, you must define them. How will you achieve what’s important if you don’t know what is important?

You won’t.

But even if you lay out what is important and plan your day accordingly, it will not matter unless you choose to carry out the items of importance. This is what separates successful people from the rest.

“The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do….They don’t like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”

E.M. Gray – “The Common Denominator of Success”

Even if something is important, and you are aware of its importance, you will find times when you really don’t want to do it. You won’t want to exercise; you won’t want to read your kids to sleep after a long day at work. If you don’t, that’s fine. But you are making a choice based on feelings or circumstances, relinquishing control of your own life.

Every action you take or don’t is a choice. Choose to do the things that further your mission, rather than choosing to let other people, feelings, and circumstances choose for you.

Choose to be successful.

In summary

Define what really matters most to you.

Plan your days based around what is important.

And most importantly, choose to act regardless of how you feel, what other people do, or what is going on around you.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Nice guys finish

The saying goes, “nice guys finish last.” I say we drop the final word.

Nice guys finish; that’s what is truly important.

How can the idea of being kind to others, of being understanding and empathic, lead you astray?

You might be taken advantage of; you may not gain any immediate wins or notoriety by being the nice guy. But in the long term, you will come out ahead. You will finish.

You might be last, but you still finished the race.

Those who are overly aggressive, pushy, disagreeable, who stomp all over other people will get ahead of you. They are playing a short game. They’ll win the battle. But you aren’t a tactician: you are a strategist.

The strategist, the nice guy, takes the long view: he sacrifice the immediate benefits of imposing his will on someone else. He does not seek to win at all costs. He stays true to his principles and values, giving respect and dignity to others. The results of such an approach are increased trust and understanding between two parties, rather than a win/lose or lose/win situation.

So yeah, nice guys may finish last. But they make it to the finish line. The same can’t always be said for mean guys.

by Nathan Coumbe

Averaging out

It is amazing that our workplaces push so hard to average out employees in a culture that places so much emphasis on sports.

“How could you have a soccer team if all were goalkeepers?”

–Desmond Tutu

On a football team, players have specific roles assigned based on their talents and, many times, physical traits. Quarterbacks don’t fill in for linebackers and vice versa.

The only way for businesses to thrive is to focus on and develop the strengths and differences of their teams; averaging them out into mindless automatons squashes creativity, collaboration, and synergy. Different strength areas in an individual combined with the complimentary strengths of others make an effective team.

If there are genuine weaknesses inhibiting an employee from performing, it must be addressed. However, to focus exclusively on weaknesses, rather than the uniqueness of the individual, makes little sense. Even as children we were taught not to attempt to fit round pegs in square holes. The shapess are different, and they are ideally suited certain places.

The same is true in work: find the right person with the right talents that multiplies the performance of a role and team.

Making everyone a linebacker makes for a losing team.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Empathy

“Until thy feet have trod the Road

Advise not wayside folk.”

–Rudyard Kipling

What is Kipling’s meaning? Should we not correct others when they do wrong, unless we ourselves have done the same wrong? I don’t think so.

I think Kipling is speaking of empathy, the skill of attempting to feel what someone else is feeling, of putting oneself in the shoes of another.

Most people react when they see someone acting in a way with which they disagree or do not understand. We see a parent fail to harshly correct a child for misbehaving, so we assume the parent is inept or irresponsible. A person resorts to drinking as a coping mechanism, so we call them a wastrel, a drunk, or a fool.

But what if you put yourself in place of the parent, or even the child? As the child, how would you prefer to be corrected? With harsh words and physical punishment, or through a one-on-one conversation used as a teaching moment? Would this not grow trust and improve the relationship? Perhaps the parent had a painful childhood she does not wish to repeat with her own offspring, so she chooses to react with restraint.

Look at the alcoholic, a type of person with which I have had more experience than I wish to remember. Perhaps he grew up in a violently abusive or neglectful household; perhaps he saw friends and innocents killed in a horrifying warzone. Yes, alcohol will not heal his wounds,nor is it a healthy way to cope. However, to judge and condemn without the same experiences of that person, or at least without empathizing with him, is an ineffective way to interact with the person. Empathy and understanding would go much further towards helping him to recover were he willing.

This is not to say that you should not try to help others find the right path, but how it is done can make all the difference.

Moreover, until you have put yourself in the place of another, how can you be sure that the other person is wayside and not yourself? Were you to empathize with them, you might come to find that your paradigm, your view of the world, is incomplete or inaccurate. We would all like to believe that we are objective and rational, but more often than not we fail at both.

Choose empathy before all else. You might then be in a position to influence others in positive ways. And if not, you have still become a better human for the attempt.

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