by Nathan Coumbe

Your lens determines your reality

Imagine you are looking through a telescope. Is what you are seeing actually how the world looks?

What if the lens had a crack in it? The image is now distorted, but is reality actually cracked? Of course not.

Imagine a friend is looking through another telescope, and you are are both looking at the same thing. What if her lens had a higher zoom or some filter on it which changed the color? Or perhaps your friend has a degenerative eye disorder which makes it difficult to see. 

Would the two of you disagree on what you were seeing? 

Yet we do it every single day.

Each of us walks around using different lenses to see the world. Two perfectly rational people can look at the same issue and have completely different opinions about the “reality” of the issue. Stephen Covey would call these lenses paradigms — different ways of seeing the world. 

Why does this matter?

We can only become truly effective when we realize that our ideas and opinions are not the only ways, the correct ways, to see the world. Seth Godin talks about each person having her own unique noise in her head. What she wants is different from what you want, at least in some minuscule way. Sometimes that way is vastly different from yours. 

If, for example, you wanted to sell something to someone – an idea, a widget, or a plan – you would need to talk about it from the other person’s point of view. That person doesn’t care how you feel about it; they only want to know what it will do for them. We are selfish that way.

Be proactive when speaking with someone: consciously try to see the world through her lens.

Imagine a world where each person sought to understand the other person before arguing.

by Nathan Coumbe

Cats and proactivity

I have a cat. His name is Jack. Captain Jack Sparrow, if you want the full name.

Jack is the most annoying cat in the world.

If you go into a different room, he will sit outside the door and scream at you. “MerEYOWWWWWWwwwwwwwwww” or something like that. Over and over again until you return to the room in which he is sitting or you let him inside with you.

He beats up his sisters without mercy.

He went through a phase at 3 years old where he peed on the floor in front of our couch if my wife didn’t come home by a certain hour.

He scratches the paint off doors; eats expensive cables like they are spaghetti noodles; chews up the beater on my bass drum pedal; and just this morning, we discovered he had destroyed a set of blinds.

He also loves my wife unconditionally and makes her very happy.

For the first few years we had Jack, I would get visibly angry with him when he misbehaved. He knew it, too, and he never liked me as much as my wife.

However, since I started my deep dive into being a more effective and proactive individual, however, I have noticed a change.

I came to the conclusion that while what he did was very frustrating, I was choosing to react in a very negative manner which upset me and made him unappy with me. I was choosing to yell, to stamp my feet in anger, to curse the day we adopted him. What good did it do?

When I implemented “be proactive” into my life, I began with Jack. I lived by the idea that there is a space between stimulus and response where I could choose how I would react.

Now, when Jack misbehaves, I put him in time out – not with anger or scare tactics, but by simply picking him up and putting him into his room.

I feel better, Jack feels better. Now, he crawls up and falls asleep on my chest when I’m trying to take a nap on the couch, purring all the while.

Here’s my point:

You get to decide how a certain stimulus affects you. You cannot choose the consequence of the stimulus; I could not choose whether or not the blinds got broken when Jack climbed behind them. That was a natural consequence. But there are also natural consequences to my response:

  • I did not begin my day with negative emotions and stress.
  • My wife does not begin her day with negative emotions and stress, and our relationship is improved.
  • Jack knows that he misbehaved, but he also won’t run away from me when I return later today. He will instead greet me at the door with screeching and purring.

Something else you should know – since I began reacting better to Jack’s antics, his behavior has changed. He is less destructive, less abusive to his sisters, and less whiny.

Or perhaps, I just don’t notice it as much because of how I choose to respond.

If being proactive works with cats, how well do you think it will work with your human relationships?

by Nathan Coumbe

What does it mean to “be proactive”?

If practiced regularly, the ideas behind these two words will change your life. 

To be proactive means to take responsibility and initiative in your life. 

Being proactive means making a choice; it is the most fundamental human right we have. Stephen R. Covey truly understood this when he read the words of Victor Frankl:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Frankl himself was a prisoner of Nazi Germany during the Holocaust: he lost his wife and most of his family in the concentration camps. In one of the most degrading situations in which a human could find himself, he realized that he still had the power to choose how he responded to his tormentors and imprisonment. 

Even if everything was taken away from you – your health, your money, your freedom – you would still have the power of choice. 

You might ask how Frankl could still have had freedom when everything was taken away. The answer is that he had freedom within his own mind – he could choose how he responded to the events in his life, however horrible.

Each of us has within us the power to choose how we react. If there is a rough situation at work, an angry customer, or a disappointed spouse, there is still a split second in which you can decide how you will respond. 

Response-ability –– your ability to respond appropriately. 

How will you take responsibility for yourself today?

P.S. I highly recommend you pick up a copy of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and read the first few chapters, especially the chapter entitled “Be Proactive.” You will be amazed at the changes you experience in your everyday interactions.

by Nathan Coumbe

The one book I wish I had read before college…

I have decided that this blog will be dedicated to helping others live a more effective, curious, and creative life. To that end, I believe we should start with basic and universal principles of living a good life. There is one book I wish I had read before I began college: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen R. Covey.

I first read the book when I was a junior at the University of Southern Mississippi, but I did not take it seriously. I simply believed I had more important obligations. Little did I know that had I practiced the fundamental principles contained within the book, I would have achieved more than I could have dreamed at 24 years old.

These are the seven habits:

  1. Be proactive.
  2. Begin with the end in mind.
  3. Put first things first.
  4. Think win-win.
  5. Seek first to understand, then be understood.
  6. Synergize.
  7. Sharpen the saw.

I will be exploring these in-depth in future posts. I hope that you will be inspired to live a more effective life as you follow along.

by Nathan Coumbe

Show up because it’s the right thing to do

Show up.

Every single day.

Just do it. (Sorry Nike).

This may sound like I’m trying to get you to go crush it at the gym, but I am not.

Whatever you feel called to do, however you feel called to do it, it will not happen unless you show up and do the work.

That may mean writing blog posts every single day whether or not the muse speaks to you. It may mean coaching an employee even if it isn’t a requirement of your job. It might mean practicing your instrument or drawing a quick sketch, even if you don’t feel inspired or if you’ve drawn something like it ten times before.

Showing up, getting your idea out into the world, helping just one other person simply by being there…it isn’t just good for you – it’s the right thing to do.

You never know when your work will get noticed; you just have to keep producing.

Show up. Because it is right.

by Nathan Coumbe

What if we have tutoring wrong?

Why did tutoring become something other than exploring one’s curiosity? According to Wikipedia, “Tutoring began as an informal and unstructured method of educational assistance, dating back to periods in Ancient Greece…[where] the main goal of the tutor was to impart knowledge to the learner in order to help the latter gain proficiency in the subject area.” They did not exist to help students who were struggling, but instead served as teachers who passed on knowledge and wisdom to pupils to make them better citizens of Greece. 

At some point, tutors became a tool for anxious parents concerned about their student’s falling grades, rather than a source of information and inspiration to satisfy a student’s curiosity. Now, the thought process is, “I’m struggling and need to get my grades up, so I should hire a tutor” rather than, “this subject is so fascinating to me that I cannot get enough information at school and must learn more. Who can help me?” 

About the only time this actually seems to happen is when a student seeks out a private teacher in a creative field, such as music or art. You don’t go to a private music teacher because you’re doing poorly in band; you go because you are so invested in your craft that you want to master every aspect you can.

(You could argue that SAT/ACT tutors also don’t help you when you are doing poorly, but I have yet to meet anyone who is passionately interested in standardized tests).

What is tutoring for? What could it be for?

by Nathan Coumbe

What if we all just stopped?

Is every single person born with the potential to be creative?

Yes.

So if we are all creative in some unique way (and we are), what would happen if we all stopped working in areas or jobs in which we felt obligated, and we all started working in our own areas of creative genius?

Does each of us have the potential to succeed in our unique creative gift? Is it that many of us never get the chance because of environmental factors or fear?

Could the marketplace support 100% engagement by all creatives? I think so; creativity doesn’t have to be writing, art, or music. Some people are creative in areas of building, business, leadership, plumbing, carpentry, or any other area that a modern society needs in order to thrive.

Food for thought.

by Nathan Coumbe

What are you afraid of?

Why haven’t you started yet? Why have you not launched your side-hustle? Or started tackling that new skill you need to get a new career?

Is it really the fear of failure? If you start a side-hustle and it fails, who cares? You didn’t lose your job. You aren’t out on the streets.

If you try to learn a new skill and find that you are completely uninterested or you don’t have a knack for it, why does that matter? What has it cost you? Absolutely nothing.

So is it failure that scares us, or something else?

Maybe the reality is we don’t feel like we are good enough. We feel like phonies, that if we put something out there, people will see us as such – that we are not experts. We are simply amateurs, and they might scoff at us.

Or maybe it’s the actual shipping of your idea or work that scares you. Because in order to make it work, in order to get it started, you have to tell someone about it. You have to try and get someone to bite.

And they might say no.

Why does this terrify us? It’s just one person, or two, or ten. But you only need one person to say yes in order to get the ball rolling.

And if no one says yes, then make better work, make different work, until someone says yes.

Ask yourself today what you are really afraid of, then see it for what it is and act.

by Nathan Coumbe

What is a teacher’s purpose?

Is it to impart knowledge and information? We have Google for that; it’s easier than ever to acquire both.

Is it to lecture and teach the right answer to put down on a test? What happens when a question or problem has multiple possible answers? Or no right answer?

Education, and by extension a teacher’s job, is meant to teach students how to think critically, to judge the truth or fallacy of an argument or piece of information, to garner understanding. It is not to answer the student’s question, “will this be on the test?”

At the most fundamental level, a teacher’s purpose is to teach her students how to learn and to nurture a life-long love of learning and creativity. It is the job of a teacher to ensure that, when her students have left her tutelage, the students will be able to read, watch, or listen to something; gather correct information from the material; synthesize it into their own understanding; then utilize the knowledge or skill learned.

Let us all remember our true purpose each day.

by Nathan Coumbe

Be my eyes, Harry!

I’m on a Harry Potter kick, it seems, but I love well-written literature…I can’t help it. When I was reading the other night, I was struck with the thought of how Harry serves as the “eyes” of us non-magic folk in discovering the wonderful world J.K. Rowling crafted for us. Instead of telling us a story, she let us live it out through Harry.

Think about it – had Harry grown up in a magical household, the Harry Potter series would have been quite boring to read. For instance, remember the first time in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when Harry (and us, the readers) hears about “splinching”, a situation in which part of a witch or wizard is left behind when they disappear from one place and reappear in another? Had Harry been brought up with this rather common knowledge, in the wizarding world at least, Arthur Weasley would not have explained it to him, which allowed us to learn about it by extension. J.K. Rowling would instead have had to break from the story, become a narrator, and say something along the lines of, “Oh by the way, reader, ‘splinching’ is…” By writing Harry as a newcomer to the wizarding world, one character explains it to another character, and we as readers never have to come out of the magic that occurs when we lose ourselves in an excellent story.

Rowling crafted a useful literary tool into her story by using Harry as the window into the world of magic, rather than simply telling us a story. It’s never too late to appreciate an artist’s ingenuity.