by Nathan Coumbe

When Did You Last Do Only One Thing at a Time?

I have been suffering from a lot of anxiety and feelings of overwhelm for the last few days after a rather long period of lightness and contentment.

Today, while writing my morning pages, I asked myself, “What’s changed?” The answer came to me quite easily:

Noise.

I’ve been receiving too much input from too many sources this week, something I severely limited over the past month or so. The difference has been astounding.

Too much reading of too many different books; too many audiobooks and podcasts filling my ears. It has truly been information overload. 

Then I started thinking back to a simpler time, long ago before Apple Music, the Podcast app, even before we had record players or phonographs.

How It Used to Be

For most of human history, music was a live occurrence. If you wanted to listen to something, you had to physically go somewhere––a salon, an opera house, a concert on the River Thames. And when you engaged with this music, it was the only thing you did (okay, maybe you shared the latest gossip with your friends in the opera box, but you get my point).

There was no music playing in your ears while you ate dinner––unless you were wealthy enough to afford a string quartet in your dining room. You simply ate dinner—one thing at a time. About the only time you can experience that sort of focused attention in the modern world is at a movie theater, and even then, a few people will still blind everyone with their cell phones. 

For most of human history, we’ve only ever done one thing at a time because that’s all we had the technological capability to do. There was nothing in your ears filling your mind with noise. 

Now with AirPods, Beats+, and the like, we can (and usually do) fill our heads with noise 10, 12, even 14 hours a day! With the podcast app, we have dozens of voices lecturing us each day on different subjects for hours on end, rather than a few people a week at the most as it was in college. 

Social Media as News

We are bombarded with breaking news on every single website we visit, Social Media being the greatest perpetrator. No longer are Facebook or Twitter places to connect and communicate with friends: they are places you go to be inundated and overwhelmed with information, most of it trivial and irrelevant to your life.

A headline reads “Couple dies in plane crash,” and as you read, you discover it happened 2,000 miles away. While tragic for that couple and those close to them, it is irrelevant to you and serves no purpose other than to capture your click and your attention.

At the same time, it makes you feel (perhaps only subconsciously) like planes and the world at large are becoming more dangerous, when in reality, all the data shows our world is becoming safer and more peaceful every year––with the notable exception of our lovely virus and the very justified civil unrest we are experiencing today. 

It’s no wonder we feel stressed out, anxious, and overwhelmed: we cannot possibly use or act on all the knowledge and information we are accumulating. 

Do Only One Thing

Yesterday evening, while continuing to overwhelm myself with information, I came across an article by Leo Babauta entitled “Let Each Task Fill Up Your World”. My takeaway from this article is simple: if we do one thing at a time, it may seem like we are getting less done, but in reality we are doing much more than we could while otherwise distracted by multiple tasks.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of feeling anxious and stressed out, and allowing myself to do only one thing at a time seems a pretty easy solution.

If you are listening to music, just listen to music. 

If you are reading a book, just read the book and only that book. (I might be telling myself that more than you.)

If you are eating a meal, only eat your meal! Don’t stream television, listen to a podcast, or blast music. Savor your food, and if you are with people, savor their company as well (after you finish your mouthful of food, of course). 

When was the last time you only did one thing at a time? Try it today.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Don’t Let Them Repay You

“You have not lived a perfect day, even though you have earned your money, unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”

—Ruth Smeltzer

Help someone today in whatever small or grand way you can.

Don’t do it as part of your job—do it because it (and you) are good and decent.

Give the gift of service—true service—where reciprocation is not possible.

A little old lady can never put a price on being helped across the street.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Holding Others Accountable Is an Act of Respect

I am in the second week of a leadership course created by FranklinCovey based on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.*

This week’s topic is Habit 1: Be Proactive. For those of you unfamiliar with the 7 Habits, the first habit is about personal responsibility. It posits that we are the creative force in our own lives. We can choose how we respond to stimuli in the world, and these choices drastically alter our results.

One statement this morning stood out more than others:

“Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning; it is affirming.”

—Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

We show respect when we refuse to let others blame circumstances for their situations. Holding others responsible tells them “you are where you are because of the choices you’ve made.” 

At the same time, we are communicating another message:

“You can make choices now that can lead you to a better situation.”

Of course, our environmental factors must be taken into account. Outside, uncontrollable forces definitely influence our lives. Our upbringing, sex, gender, or socioeconomic status can make things easier or harder. But they do not determine our lives! 

Each of us has within us what Viktor Frankl calls “the last of the human freedoms.” We can choose our response to any stimulus. It may not seem like much to you, but this idea was incredibly liberating to me. 

“Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.”

Show another person respect. Let them know they have the power to choose. 

When you choose, you change things.

*If you want to level up your leadership skills, and earn an industry-recognized certification in the process, check out FranklinCovey’s LeaderU courses at leaderu.us.

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by Nathan Coumbe

We Must Grow from Truth to Truth

“I never think of what I have said before. My aim is not to be consistent with my previous statements on a given question, but to be consistent with truth as it may present itself to me. The result has been that I have grown from truth to truth.”

—Mahatma Gandhi

Consistency is only beneficial as long as the truth to which we are holding remains true.

Changing our minds seems to be a sign of weakness, meekness, and shame in our culture. But is it not a sign of wisdom and growth when we take a new stance upon learning new information?

When we hold to something because “that’s the way we’ve always done it,” even when a new truth is staring us in the face, our culture, relationships, and society stagnate.

There is nothing wrong with changing your mind as you learn new information.

Be wise and grow.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Egrets and Snakes

I went on a walk at the park near the huge water reservoir where I live. There is something especially soothing for me about walking near water.

While there I saw a young woman doing yoga in the shade of some trees right on the edge of the water. Shortly after I passed her, she strapped on some rollerblades and rolled, danced, and sang over every inch of the the park. It was both beautiful and entertaining.

As I started my walk back to the car, I saw a little girl walking near her mother who was pushing a stroller. I moved closer to pass them on the left, and I noticed the little girl holding a red marker and a piece of paper with pictures on it. Her mother had created a scavenger hunt based on nature items, and the little girl seemed to be making great progress.

After spotting and crossing off her list a certain tree, the little girl said, “Okay, now it’s time to find a SNAKE!”

“A snake?!” the mother exclaimed.

“Oh yeah,” the little girl replied, “but don’t worry, mom—it’ll be easy to find out here!” Needless to say, the mother was horrified. Apparently she did not realize a snake was part of the hunt!

I also saw a beautiful egret on the water’s edge. They are one of my favorite birds: quiet, steady, and precise. They remind me of my mother, a great lover of birds who brought me up to love them too.

Synchronicity and serendipity abound when we ask the universe for things: I thought to myself, I’d really like a walking stick. Lo and behold! I found the most perfect walking stick not 10 steps away from where I had the thought.

As so often happens with long, undistracted walks outside, I had a small personal revelation: I would absolutely love to live somewhere close to the beach or a secluded body of water. Perhaps a quiet lake…

Walk outside today, with no distractions, no headphones, no noise. You’d be amazed at what the world has waiting for you.

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by Nathan Coumbe

How to Make Revolutionary Change in Your Personal Life and Career

Dr. Covey taught me perhaps the most important and fundamental life lesson of all. It’s the idea of paradigms and the See-Do-Get formula.

What Are Paradigms?

Paradigms are our ways of seeing the world. As Dr. Covey describes it, they are maps of the territory we are navigating. As we know, maps are a representation of the world but not the world itself. These “maps” affect every aspect of our daily lives.

See-Do-Get

Our paradigms put us into a cycle known as “See-Do-Get”. How we see something (our paradigm) affects our behavior (what we do). Our behavior affects the results we get. These results then reinforce our viewpoint. They become a never-ending cycle that can only be short-circuited by changing how we “see”. We must examine the map.

A Story to Illustrate the Point

I once knew a teacher whose students approached him about putting on a short play for the school. They saw this as a way to put the English literature they were studying into a fun and creative context. But this teacher saw his students as an uncreative bunch of hooligans with no talent. He did not believe them capable of staging anything worthwhile.

Grudgingly, he let the students “try” to put something together. Because of his mindset, he failed to encourage them, coach them, or help them in any way. His only offering was scathing criticism because he saw no possible positive outcome. The students became increasingly frustrated and unhappy with their efforts. They began to believe their teacher correct in his views and quit the project after a few weeks. Their “failure” further reinforced the teacher’s own paradigm.

I felt devastated when I found out about the situation from the students. Why did it happen that way? Because he saw them as uncreative, incapable, and without talent, he treated them as such. He failed to help or encourage his students and did nothing but criticize and condemn. This behavior led to the results he expected all along.

The Root of Any Problem

How we see a problem (or person, political party, or random happenstance) is a problem itself. It affects our behavior and the results we get, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Design thinking teaches us to reframe problems in ways that allow us to take positive action on them. Only by changing how we see something can we get to the root of the issue. If you want to make positive change in any area of your life, first examine how you see the problem.

What would have happened had this teacher been aware of the way he saw his students? What if he had taken a step back and seen them as young, curious, and full of potential? Maybe he would have treated them as budding thespians and offered encouragement. This change in behavior might have led to a fun, engaging, and successful student project. And who knows? It might have had lasting effects on all the students, even the ones who came to watch.

Instead, his negative mindset destroyed all hope of having any success at all.

I’ll leave the final word on this subject to Dr. Covey himself:

“If you want to make minor improvements, change your behavior. But if you want to make quantum improvements, change your paradigm.”

—Dr. Stephen R. Covey

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by Nathan Coumbe

Only with Action Can You Hope to Make a Difference

No one ever got paid for an idea alone. Only those who came up with an idea, or took someone else’s, and acted upon it have made a difference worth anything.

“I have more respect for the fellow with a single idea who gets there than for the fellow with a thousand ideas who does nothing.”

—Thomas Edison

I have dozens of ideas pop into my head each day when I’m taking a shower, walking at the park, or driving in silence. Not one has generated anything for me or anyone else except those I showed to the world. 

Better to have one idea and the will to act upon it than 1,000 ideas and procrastinate.

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by Nathan Coumbe

A Thread to Hold

“He who every morning plans the transactions of the day and follows out that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life…. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incident, chaos will soon reign.”

—Victor Hugo

What are you doing to ensure you are getting the most important things done rather than merely the most things?

Spend 10 minutes each morning laying out a plan for the day.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Empathic Learning

The 5th habit Dr. Covey writes about in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is all about empathic listening: “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Empathic listening is putting aside our own narratives, judgements, assumptions, and listening from the other person’s point of reference. When we do this, we become students learning something new from another point of view.

For some reason this morning, I was thinking about my time in college studying my favorite subjects in history, subjects I had been studying since I was a small child. Sad to say, I remember listening to lectures and discussions with my professors from my own frame of reference: “I already learned all about that. Let me tell you what I already know about this subject to impress you.” 

I was the guy who would ask “deep, insightful questions,” when in reality, I was simply asking questions that showed my knowledge of the subject.

How vain, immature, and dumb I was! Had I only been listening––not from my own frame of reference, from the mindset of what I already knew––and instead adopted that wide-eyed curiosity of a child, I could have learned and retained so much more than I did. I would have been able to see the same ideas and subjects in a new light or with new perspectives. 

Instead, I listened to validate what I already thought I knew.

Empathic listening doesn’t just apply to difficult or emotional conversations with relationships in your life. It also must be employed in any learning environment to get as much out of it as possible.

by Nathan Coumbe

Creating Football Fans

There are two components to learning a subject:

  1. You must want to learn whatever the subject is.
  2. You must constantly engage with the subject until it becomes a part of you.

This is how die-hard football fans (and players) are made. We don’t give them a textbook and test them on all the information it contains – we create an environment where a person wants to learn about the sport, and then we expose them over and over again until it becomes a part of his or her identity.

How do we replicate this in a classroom? How can we create people, children and adults, obsessed with learning something other than sports?

We’ve gotten really good at creating a culture obsessed with football; we’ve done a poor job of creating a culture obsessed with history, literature, or science.