This is the primary sign of being a mature, well-balanced adult:
The ability—AND WILLINGNESS—to change your mind about something you believe or hold dear in the face of new information.
You’ll be ridiculed for it. You’ll be called a “flip-flopper“. But so what?
You’re growing and learning, adapting and changing. That’s all that matters.
The people we admire most are the ones who act the most inauthentic in the moment.
Being authentic: the idea that you should do or say whatever it is you’re thinking or feeling in the moment. This is what we glorify.
Vs.
Being inauthentic: doing things we’d rather not. Doing them because we promised we would. Doing things regardless of how we feel in the moment.
War heroes, the type of people we admire for their bravery and selfless acts, are those who act decidedly inauthentic in the moment.
If they were being authentic—when the rounds cracked overhead or the grenade dropped in the middle of their buddies—they’d run as fast and far away as they could.
But instead, they make a conscious decision to act despite how they feel in the moment. They run towards the sound of battle, or throw themselves on the grenade to save their friends.
They do these things despite feeling terrified, exhausted, or pained. And we admire them for that.
We admire the same traits in people from all walks of life: athletes, leaders, writers, musicians.
We want them to do what they signed up to do. Imagine going to a concert where the musician didn’t play because “they just didn’t feel like it” when they got on stage.
So, in fact, we don’t want authenticity. We want professionalism, decency, integrity—for people to keep the promises they make… To do the things that need doing regardless of how they’re feeling in the moment.
In terms of behavior, authenticity leads to tantrums and inaction.
Inauthenticity, on the other hand, leads to professionalism.
(H/t to Seth Godin for inspiring this post.)
If you leave a garden unattended, weeds will grow in abundance.
They do best when left alone. They don’t need any nurturing, nutrients, watering, or attention from you. They’ll grow just fine on their own.
But if you want a garden full of beautiful flowers or delicious fruits and vegetables, you must be intentional.
You must dig, plant, water, fertilize, nurture… And rip up the weeds by the root!
The same is true for the thoughts in your head, the story you’re telling yourself on a daily basis.
The negative thoughts are weeds.
“I can’t…”
“They won’t let me…”
“This won’t work…”
“I’ve failed before so why should I try again?”
“I’m not good enough…”
These thoughts will spring up naturally and strangle the garden of your mind if you sit idly. And they’ll take over without any action on your part.
So, just like with the garden in your backyard, you must be intentional and put in the difficult, caring work. Rip out the weedy thoughts by the roots. Replace them with the good stuff, whatever that is for you.
Positive mental attitudes, affirmations, visualizations… Or my favorite: someone else’s encouraging words playing on repeat in your head. (I’d recommend starting here.)
Whatever you want to grow in your mind, treat it with the same care and attention you would with a beautiful garden of your own.
Anyone who’s creative will tell you they often get lost in the weeds of their project. But the “why” and the “what” behind your work are much more important than the “how”.
And yet, we often get stuck trying to fit our message into a medium that it might not be well-suited for.
“I’m a writer,” we say to ourselves. So when we get to a piece of content that might better serve our audience in a video format, we balk. Or we turn a blog post into a book…
“I’m a drummer,” a musician might say, so she believes it’s the only way she can create music… No need to pick up that guitar or try to pluck out a melody on the piano, thank you very much!
The form doesn’t matter as long as it serves the content and the audience. That means you don’t have to be a blogger, a writer, a podcaster, or a coach forever.
As long as you are doing something to spread your message, how you do it is irrelevant.
“We’ve always done it this way…”
The phrase everyone hates to hear when they’re trying to make a difference. Or do something that could make things better.
Long-held beliefs, the “regular” way of doing things… These are just examples of the status quo doing what the status quo does.
If you look back far enough, at anything that’s become accepted as “normal,” you’ll find that the status quo was once new and radical too…
And that means one thing: “the way it’s always been done,” is NOT the way it’s always been done.
Rules for politics I wish more of our elected members would follow:
(These come from Harry S. Truman)
“In all this long career I had certain rules I followed win, lose or draw.
I refused to handle any political money in any way whatever.
I engaged in no private interests whatever that could be helped by local, state or national governments.
I refused presents, hotel accommodations or trips which were paid for by private parties…I made no speeches for money or expenses while I was in the Senate…
I lived on the salary I was legally entitled to and considered that I was employed by the taxpayers, and the people of my country, state, and nation.”
Truman wasn’t perfect by any means. But the rules he set for himself would go a long way to making our political leaders more effective… And less corrupt.
Character is an unchanging foundation that supports everything else.
It’s much more important to be a person of character than it is to be successful.
(And the latter is more likely if you are the former…)
When you feel your imposter syndrome kick in, run towards it. Don’t run away from it.
That feeling means you’re doing something right—something worthwhile.
By definition, we are all imposters when we do something new. Because we’ve never done it before…
Of course we’re imposters!
A growth mindset requires us to embrace imposter syndrome. The only way we can grow is to put ourselves in situations that we’ve never been in.
But it hurts! A life full of growth will naturally have some pain points, just like the growing pains a child feels in her growing body.
It’ll hurt a little bit to reach our full potential. But there’s no better way to live.
“If you want to change your body, being consistent is more important than anything else.”
—Precision Nutrition, “Prepare for liftoff”
This is wonderful advice. But it doesn’t just apply to your body.
With anything you pursue, consistency is the key factor that will determine success or failure, change or stagnation.
If you want to be a writer, showing up to the page consistently—upon waking for Morning Pages or each evening on a blog—is the most important thing you can do.
If you want to start a business, showing up to work on it every day—writing copy, sending emails, building an offer—is the way to do it.
Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do.” To be the thing you want to be, you have to do it day after day.
What do you want to become? What do you need to do consistently to become that?
