Or return the call if you want to have them on voicemail.
We forget that one of those missed calls will be the last one we ever get from them.
If you recognize the number, it’s a good idea to pick up.
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Category / family
We don’t write eulogies for intelligence
Kindness matters much more than cleverness.
The world at large might remember you for your brains if you’re an Albert Einstein or a Katherine Johnson.
But the people who actually matter to you will remember you for how you made them feel.
Honestly, how many eulogies are written about a person’s brilliance? I’ve rarely (if ever) heard one.
At a funeral, loved ones share funny stories and tell of how they were loved and treated by the deceased.
Keep this in mind as you think about what’s truly important today.
Respect must come before respect
You can’t treat children as less than human, then expect them to give you respect in return.
Just because they aren’t yet adults doesn’t mean they don’t deserve dignity and respect.
“Children should be seen but not heard…” That was the mantra many adults from my parents’ generation lived by (though, thankfully, not mine).
They have tiny, yet insightful opinions. They possess creativity and vivid imaginations you’d kill to reclaim.
And their questions are incisive enough to make even the wisest philosophers question their views.
The Golden Rule applies to our kids as well as our peers…
Life lessons from the last 18 months
Cherish your loved ones – they’ll be taken from you when you least expect it.
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I’ve lost three close family members in 18 months. My father-in-law dropped dead of heart failure in December 2019. He was in perfect health.
My uncle died of cancer 6 months later. I had just seen him at Thanksgiving the previous year, and he seemed to be doing just fine.
Then my dad died in May. I had just spoken with him on the phone a month before… He sounded just like his old self. By the time I got to see him, he couldn’t speak or see me. I was able to say goodbye, but I’ll never know if he heard me.
And I might be losing someone else soon.
Tell your family you love them after you finish reading this. Then do it every day from now on.
Serious illness—or even death—can strike you down no matter your age or health.
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My wife and I took the COVID-19 pandemic seriously. We quarantined, wore masks, and did all we were advised to do by the CDC. And both of us still managed to catch it.
My wife had a fever for eight days. I ended up in the ICU on forced oxygen for eight days gasping for breath. Wondering if this was what it felt like to die. The doctors told me had I not come in the night that I did, I would have died in my sleep.
I spent Christmas and New Year’s in a hospital room isolated and alone—except for the occasional nurse or technician. Eight days. And there were people around me even worse off than I was.
I was 30 years old and in perfect health. And I’m still recovering.
Never chase money – you’ll always end up miserable.
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I was in my sweet spot at a job I enjoyed—teaching classes all day and putting my creative skills to use on a daily basis. But I felt I wasn’t making enough money, so I took a promotion.
The money wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. And I wound up in a miserable role that stressed me out more than I could have ever imagined.
Then another offer came my way, a chance to escape that misery, and it came with a decent bump in pay. But I had an uneasy feeling about it during the interviews.
I took it anyway, and it left me just as miserable as I was before, but for different reasons.
It might be a cliche, but find something that makes you happy. Then find a way to make a living doing it. Don’t take jobs you know don’t fit you simply because they offer you more money.
Take any or all of these lessons to heart. Let them guide your actions for the last half of 2021 and beyond.
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They’re Just Figuring It Out As They Go
What do you do when your parents die? When you become the adult?
Now you’re the spouse, the parent, the one who’s supposed to have all the answers.
When you’re young, your parents seem larger than life—superheroes who can swoop in and save the day. They’re wise sages who seem to have an answer to every problem in the world.
But as you grow up, you realize a poignant point: they’re just trying to figure things out as they go.
Just like you.
So what do you do when your parents finally leave this world?
You go on, just as they did, trying to figure things out as you go. And you make a lot of mistakes, just like they did.
But now things are just a little bit quieter, a little emptier. You feel just a bit…lonely.
Goodbye, Dad.
Leap of faith
Let’s be honest: leaping out into the unknown is terrifying. It is the unknown, after all.
But sometimes, to break the cycle, you just have to jump.
It always helps to have a solid foundation from which to start. Family, friends, finances, hope – they give you that foundation.
Build your relationships. Trust other people. Develop a healthy self-image.
Then jump.
Service to others, no matter the times.
Regardless of quarantines, social distancing, and other methods of protecting ourselves physically, we can still find ways to serve others.
Many of us will be mowing our lawns today. How difficult would it be to push the lawnmower over one yard and take care of your neighbor’s?
Perhaps you still have a job, but a friend of yours does not. Order groceries and have them delivered to her door (it’s even more fun if you keep it anonymous).
Cook a casserole for your mother, wrap it up, and leave it on the front porch.
Keep yourself and others safe, but still find ways to contribute to others.
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“But why is no one listening to me?”
You are having an argument with your spouse, and she doesn’t understand your point of view, no matter how much you push it.
Your children won’t do anything that you ask them to do. They won’t engage or communicate with you; they shut down every time you try to talk to them.
You are writing blogs and posts, but no one is reading or responding to them.
You’ve created a product that will change lives, but no one is buying it.
Naturally, you ask the question:
“Why is no one listening to me?”
You feel you are doing everything right. You have the right ideas or the right argument; you know more than your children; this product is truly amazing and has revolutionized the way you see and do things. And yet, no one is listening. No one is engaging. No one is buying.
Why?
Because you aren’t listening to them.
The only way to get others to listen to you, to engage with you, to buy from you, is to listen to them and understand their points of view, their wants, and their needs.
If you bludgeon people over the head with your arguments and ideas, they won’t accept them; they don’t have the same ideas, the same noise inside their heads. They are telling themselves different stories. The key to being listened to, to making an impact, is to understand those other stories.
You don’t have to agree with them, but you do have to listen to and understand them. When people feel understand, when they feel heard, when they know that you see them and their side of things, they feel more open to hearing what you have to say.
“Seek first to understand, then be understood.”
–Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
No one is listening to you because you aren’t listening to them.
Your spouse won’t listen to your side of the argument because all you are thinking of is your side of the argument.
Your children won’t listen to your advice and guidance – even though you probably do know more and understand more than they do – because they don’t feel like you understand them, how they feel, or the narrative in their heads.
No one is buying your stuff because as awesome as it is, they don’t get how it will benefit them or how it will make them feel once they use it. Why? Because you didn’t take the time to understand what they want or how they want to feel.
Understand
To influence someone, you must open yourself to the possibility of being influenced by the other person. This means creating a feeling of understanding in the other person. This is not meant to be manipulative: you must genuinely want to understand the other person. Also, people can tell if you are simply trying to manipulate them rather than understand them.
Listen to what your spouse wants; listen to how your children feel; listen to the needs and frustrations of your customers.
Understanding must always come first; otherwise you’ll fail.
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It’s not about you
Your job isn’t about you. You were not hired because of all the things you’ve done or all the projects you’ve completed. Those might be the reasons you got the interview, but that’s not why you got the job. You were hired because the employers saw how you could potentially serve them.
When you stop serving, you become unnecessary.
Your family isn’t about you – your spouse, children, and relatives don’t spend time with you for your sake. You must give to them, serve them, and make constant deposits in their lives.
When it becomes about you, those around you suffer.
“Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.”
–N. Eldon Tanner
If you live with a mindset based on service to others, you will seldom be without means or purpose.
Remember – it’s not about you.
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Empathy
“Until thy feet have trod the Road
Advise not wayside folk.”
–Rudyard Kipling
What is Kipling’s meaning? Should we not correct others when they do wrong, unless we ourselves have done the same wrong? I don’t think so.
I think Kipling is speaking of empathy, the skill of attempting to feel what someone else is feeling, of putting oneself in the shoes of another.
Most people react when they see someone acting in a way with which they disagree or do not understand. We see a parent fail to harshly correct a child for misbehaving, so we assume the parent is inept or irresponsible. A person resorts to drinking as a coping mechanism, so we call them a wastrel, a drunk, or a fool.
But what if you put yourself in place of the parent, or even the child? As the child, how would you prefer to be corrected? With harsh words and physical punishment, or through a one-on-one conversation used as a teaching moment? Would this not grow trust and improve the relationship? Perhaps the parent had a painful childhood she does not wish to repeat with her own offspring, so she chooses to react with restraint.
Look at the alcoholic, a type of person with which I have had more experience than I wish to remember. Perhaps he grew up in a violently abusive or neglectful household; perhaps he saw friends and innocents killed in a horrifying warzone. Yes, alcohol will not heal his wounds,nor is it a healthy way to cope. However, to judge and condemn without the same experiences of that person, or at least without empathizing with him, is an ineffective way to interact with the person. Empathy and understanding would go much further towards helping him to recover were he willing.
This is not to say that you should not try to help others find the right path, but how it is done can make all the difference.
Moreover, until you have put yourself in the place of another, how can you be sure that the other person is wayside and not yourself? Were you to empathize with them, you might come to find that your paradigm, your view of the world, is incomplete or inaccurate. We would all like to believe that we are objective and rational, but more often than not we fail at both.
Choose empathy before all else. You might then be in a position to influence others in positive ways. And if not, you have still become a better human for the attempt.
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