Author / Nathan Coumbe

Unknown's avatar

Posts by Nathan Coumbe

My mission is to learn, inform, inspire, and improve. I am a passionate teacher, an avid writer, a leader of people, and a strategic thinker. Wherever I am, whatever the work I am called to do, my goal is the same: make my little corner of the world better for everyone in it. To do this, I ask better questions and solve more interesting problems for those I serve. Think deeply. Think often. Keep exploring. Always be curious.
by Nathan Coumbe

Empathy

“Until thy feet have trod the Road

Advise not wayside folk.”

–Rudyard Kipling

What is Kipling’s meaning? Should we not correct others when they do wrong, unless we ourselves have done the same wrong? I don’t think so.

I think Kipling is speaking of empathy, the skill of attempting to feel what someone else is feeling, of putting oneself in the shoes of another.

Most people react when they see someone acting in a way with which they disagree or do not understand. We see a parent fail to harshly correct a child for misbehaving, so we assume the parent is inept or irresponsible. A person resorts to drinking as a coping mechanism, so we call them a wastrel, a drunk, or a fool.

But what if you put yourself in place of the parent, or even the child? As the child, how would you prefer to be corrected? With harsh words and physical punishment, or through a one-on-one conversation used as a teaching moment? Would this not grow trust and improve the relationship? Perhaps the parent had a painful childhood she does not wish to repeat with her own offspring, so she chooses to react with restraint.

Look at the alcoholic, a type of person with which I have had more experience than I wish to remember. Perhaps he grew up in a violently abusive or neglectful household; perhaps he saw friends and innocents killed in a horrifying warzone. Yes, alcohol will not heal his wounds,nor is it a healthy way to cope. However, to judge and condemn without the same experiences of that person, or at least without empathizing with him, is an ineffective way to interact with the person. Empathy and understanding would go much further towards helping him to recover were he willing.

This is not to say that you should not try to help others find the right path, but how it is done can make all the difference.

Moreover, until you have put yourself in the place of another, how can you be sure that the other person is wayside and not yourself? Were you to empathize with them, you might come to find that your paradigm, your view of the world, is incomplete or inaccurate. We would all like to believe that we are objective and rational, but more often than not we fail at both.

Choose empathy before all else. You might then be in a position to influence others in positive ways. And if not, you have still become a better human for the attempt.

Join 904 other subscribers
by Nathan Coumbe

Wisdom and Mission

Life is like a tuning fork: when struck, the tuning fork resonates a true pitch, one that doesn’t alter as long as it rings. Each of us is like a musician in an orchestra: we must strive to tune ourselves to that tuning fork, the true pitch ringing in our lives.

How much effort do we expend trying to create our lives, our careers, our families, based on how others have succeeded? We strive to emulate other families – keeing up with the Joneses next door. We constantly research which careers pay the most or have the most advancement potential, hoping that the next job is the right fit.

It doesn’t work.

Each of us has unique characteristics and traits we were either born with or developed over time. Would not we be better served in trying to find things in the world that matched us, rather than attempting to mold ourselves into something “out there” in the world?

It would be like a musician seeing a tuning fork then creating his own, hoping that it was the right pitch but with no knowledge of the subject (himself). Were he to use it to tune his instrument, he would find that the pitch isn’t correct.

Your mission in life isn’t something you create; neither is wisdom. Victor Frankl said that we detect rather than invent our missions in life. It’s already there: you must simply align yourself with it, not strive to create it.

Wisdom isn’t created – you cannot make yourself wise. You must seek it out, finding it in others who have come before you, in scripture or great writing, and in your own experience of the world.

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life….Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.” – Victor Frankl

Seek your mission; seek wisdom.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to get updates delivered directly to your inbox.

Join 904 other subscribers
by Nathan Coumbe

Courage

What is courage? It is the same thing as bravery?

Courage might be doing something even when you are terrified.

It might also be one’s readiness for action when a situation demands it.

Either way, courage is a choice. It is the act of deciding to act when the need arises.

Be courageous. Choose to act.

by Nathan Coumbe

2020 vision is great. 2040 vision might be better.

(I had to jump on the bandwagon and write one of these “20/20 vision” posts; I hope you will forgive me.)

I once had 20/20 vision in both eyes; a degenerative disorder in my right eye quickly reduced my vision to around 20/80. With glasses, I am able to see at approximately 20/40.

Speaking metaphorically, my 20/40 vision will probably serve me better than 20/20 ever would. Here’s why:

I could make all sorts of plans for 2020, and if I achieved them, you might consider me quite successful. But how would we truly know?

If I only look to the end of 2020, all that I accomplish this year might take me in the wrong direction. Only by looking further out, to 2040 and beyond, can I truly know if what I accomplish this year will matter long-term.

I have to determine what I want said about me on my 50th birthday, not my 30th. What will be important to me in 20 years? What are my principles and values I wish to live by? What is my mission? What achievements and contributions do I wish to have and make? If I die at 50, what do I want said about me at my funeral?

Having that 2020 vision is great; we should all strive to accomplish extraordinary things this year. Just make sure that you look out far enough, so that what you accomplish this year has meaning in 2040 and beyond.

Happy New Year, all.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to receive thoughts and insights delivered directly to your inbox.

Join 904 other subscribers

by Nathan Coumbe

Be bad in public

Yesterday’s post talked about perfection getting in the way of your art. Today, I wanted to give a special thanks to John Cochran, Joey Panella, and Rebecca Smith for letting me get out of my own way.

When I was in my early twenties, I majored in Jazz Studies at the University of Southern Mississippi. My weapon of choice was the drum set, and I was pretty average.

I was learning from books, playing in jazz band rehearsals 3 days per week, and shedding in the practice room. Still, I was not great.

I wasn’t great because I had almost no experience.

For whatever reason, John, a guitarist, came to me and asked if I would be willing to play drums with him and the others in a weekly gig at a pub in Hattiesburg. I accepted.

It was not until I started playing 3 hours a day – not very well – every single Tuesday from 10pm-1am, in front of a live audience, that my skills as a musician truly started to develop. That was the experience I needed to truly begin developing as a musician. It was at that point that I began learning on what I needed to focus and develop, so that I would improve. And improve I did.

I say all of that to encourage you to do a few things:

  1. Be brave enough to practice, and suck, in public.
  2. Find a mentor or sponsor that will allow you to suck in public.
  3. Show up day after day whether you suck or not.

I’m not encouraging you to be bad at something for which you’ll never put in the effort to become excellent. I’m saying that you’ll have to be bad at something you want to do before you become good; it helps if you do it in public, and it really helps if someone supports you while you do it in public.

It’s the only way you will start learning what you need to learn.

Thanks John, Joey, and Rebecca.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to get insights and ideas sent directly to your inbox each day.

Join 904 other subscribers

by Nathan Coumbe

Perfection is the problem

If you are an artist – a person who seeks to create beneficial change in the world – you are probably a perfectionist.

This is why you never hit “publish” on your blog, why you don’t post your photos on Instagram, or why your songs aren’t on YouTube and SoundCloud. It isn’t because the work you did is bad: it’s because you think if you do just a little bit more to it, it will be perfect.

You’ll never get there.

“An artist’s job is not to be perfect, but to [always] be creating.” – Jeff Goins

The more you create, the more practice you get. You’ll hit that 10,000 hour mark we’ve all heard about. The more practice you get, the better your work will be.

Create something today.

Ship it – today.

Repeat tomorrow.

Don’t miss a post! Subscribe below to get the latest insights sent directly to your inbox.

Join 904 other subscribers
by Nathan Coumbe

What would it take to replace you?

Think about your work and personal life for a moment.

What qualities and skills would your employer look for in a new hire were she attempting to replace you?

Be that person now.

What would your spouse, significant other, or children look for in a partner or role model if you weren’t around?

Be that person now.

Start.

Be the person others in your life want and need; you will become nearly impossible to replace.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to recieve new posts as soon as they go live.

Join 904 other subscribers

by Nathan Coumbe

Should be vs. what is

You cannot move forward until you accept the reality of your current situation.

Things absolutely should be a certain way. Some people should still be alive.

But they aren’t.

Your current reality dictates what is possible in your future. But that realization equips you with a great power: the power to turn what you think should be into your future reality (to a certain extent. I’m in no way insinuating that you can bring back the dead).

Accept what is, then act accordingly.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to receive updates as soon as they post.

Join 904 other subscribers
by Nathan Coumbe

Tomorrow is just another Wednesday

It’s New Year’s Eve – which means tomorrow is a new year, a chance to start over again, to accomplish all the goals you set for yourself but failed to achieve in 2019. It’s a chance to make new resolutions and actually keep them this time.

Yeah…right.

Tomorrow is just another Wednesday. New Year’s resolutions rarely work, as most of us know.

Yes, there is something innate within us that seems to see new opportunities at the beginning of every year, but there really isn’t anything special about tomorrow.

Except that tomorrow is another day. If you are lucky enough to wake up breathing tomorrow, you’ve been given a chance. Every day gives you the opportunity to start again, to make promises to yourself and keep them.

So do that – not because tomorrow is New Year’s, but because tomorrow is tomorrow. What is one tiny little thing you want to start doing better, or stop doing altogether?

Make a promise to yourself that you are going to do that one tiny thing. Keep that promise, day in and day out; don’t worry about anything else. Pretty soon you will form a habit. Then do it again. Not next year as a New Year’s resolution, but next week or next month, as a promise to yourself.

Tomorrow is just another Wednesday. Make the most of it.

Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe below to receive posts as soon as they are published.

Join 904 other subscribers
by Nathan Coumbe

The long-term

Cultural norms drive us to seek obvious, visual achievement in the short-term: we are encouraged to show off and look successful. But looks can be deceiving; it doesn’t mean that what is being done is right simply because it is a cultural norm.

It requires bravery and discipline to focus on the long-term at the expense of obvious results in the short-term. You cannot focus on what you want now at the expense of what you want, and probably need, later on.

If you have money in investments, it doesn’t make much sense to pull out more money than you are making in interest to buy something that you want now. You are invading the principle of the investment; this, in turn, lowers the amount of interest that can be made on what is left.

We violate this principle all the time:

  • Someone wants a new car, computer, or toy, so they borrow money to do it.
  • A parent wants her child to behave and cooperate now, so she uses her authority, power, and fear to metaphorically bludgeon the child into compliance.
  • A leader wants results this quarter, so she drives her people to exhaustion and frustration to hit the numbers now.

What are the results of these decisions?

  • Loss of control over income; massive amounts of interest paid
  • Fear and resentment of the parent by the child
  • Burnout, turnover, and loss of results over the following years

How might things have been different if one chose to live on less than one made? That money could have been saved up or invested to grow.

The parent could have used the troubled moment with the child as a time for understanding and teaching. Think of the relationship that would grow out of thousands of moments like this.

The boss could have attempted to look further out at what she really wanted from her company overall, not just right now. And she could have sought to understand her people better. She would increase loyalty and effectiveness: her people would naturally want to work harder and achieve the results for her because they believe she cares.

None of these responses have obvious, visual results in the moment, but their long-term results are exponentially greater.

It might feel weird to stand out from the pack, doing something that has no obvious short-term return.

That doesn’t mean you are wrong.

Join 904 other subscribers