I’m a native of Mississippi, but I traveled to California numerous times as a teenager. Having been born and raised in the Deep South, I’d grown up saying “Yes, sir!” or “No, ma’am!” my entire life. 

(For those of you not of the Deep South, “ma’am” is a contraction of the word “madam.” You know how us Southern folk like to throw a little twang into our speech). 

In our culture, it is considered polite to use these phrases, and the epitome of rudeness should you not. 

Then I traveled to California…

You’re Being Rude

On numerous occasions, people laughed at me for saying it. A friend of mine asked, “Is that something you just say in the South?” 

I replied, “Yes, we use ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ whenever we speak to our elders. Or those we consider to be in positions of authority.”

“Well,” she replied, “when you say it, it sounds like you’re being sarcastic…like you’re mocking my parents.” 

I was completely floored. It never occurred to me that I might be coming off as rude. On the contrary, I thought I was speaking with the utmost respect by using “sir” and “ma’am”. 

Why Did I Tell You That Story?

It’s quite simple: different people see things differently. 

If you travel to Spain, you are likely to be kissed on both cheeks as a form of greeting (at least before COVID-19). In the United States, our “bubbles” are too big for something like that. We’d consider that a severe violation of our personal space. 

In some countries, it’s considered incredibly rude to “clean your plate.” Why? Because the cook will think you didn’t get enough to eat. 

It seems bizarre, right? That’s because you see things differently. 

Consider these differences when interacting with different people. Especially when traveling to different places. Or when in close contact with people of different cultures. 

We All Have a Different Noise In Our Heads

Different people see things differently. Because of this, they interpret things differently. What may seem like an empathic gesture to one person might come across as uncaring by another. 

An advertisement might be funny and persuasive to one prospect and bawdy and offensive to another. 

You might create a work of art that one person ridicules unmercifully and another describes as “a masterpiece.”

When serving or communicating with different people, think whether or not your gesture will be well-received by the other person.

If not, change gestures or tactics. 

You could easily write it off. “That person is just being difficult and unreasonable.” Occasionally, that might be so. 

But you can’t do anything about that. All you can control is what you do.

And what you can do is treat different people differently.

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