Tag / trust

by Nathan Coumbe

Courage is a skill

Seth Godin has arguably one of the best ideas for getting a project started that you’ll ever read. It’s called “First, ten.”

The idea is to share what you’ve created—a book, podcast, newsletter, business idea, whatever—with 10 people who already know and trust you. And if it’s good, they’ll share it with three, five, or ten others. Soon, your idea will spread, and you’ll have the opportunity to do it again.

But sometimes, even that is too terrifying to contemplate. So what can you do instead?

Find a single person. Just one person who loves you unconditionally and whom you trust implicitly. Maybe it’s your sister, your mom, or your best friend.

Share it with them. Not because they’ll praise you for it or because they’ll share it widely. Do it simply to show your fear who’s boss.

Stretch that courage muscle by starting as small as possible. Because bravery is a skill. It can be learned through practice and repetition.

by Nathan Coumbe

Expertise must come before audience

We have the process backward for becoming well-known.

The current wisdom is to become famous (most likely on social media) to obtain a big audience. Once you have said audience, you can make a living off them by selling their attention or whatever random idea you decide to push.

However, the opposite approach is not only less sleazy but will also lead to lasting rather than fleeting success.

Imagine building a huge following on social media, then selling financial advice (or God forbid, products!) to that audience without knowing anything about the field. You’d quickly be labeled a fraud or scam artist. (Unfortunately, this happens every day.)

If, instead, you started by building your expertise in the field of finance, then built an audience who would benefit from your knowledge, you would have a group of people who trusted you. And trust is almost as good as currency in the modern economy.

by Nathan Coumbe

Experts can’t breach trust

The true expert knows more than you do.

The dentist knows whether you need a filling. You can’t possibly know what the shadow she’s showing you on the X-ray means. Not without years of specialized training, anyway.

But when the expert acts in bad faith—when the dentist gives you unnecessary dental work that breaks things enough another dentist has to fix it—that trust is broken. And it’s difficult to rebuild.

For many, it destroys trust in all experts. And we see where that gets us: conspiracy theories, denialism, and heterodoxy.

We must have faith in our experts, but they can’t exploit it. Not without serious social consequences.

by Nathan Coumbe

Why Would You Intentionally Confuse Them?

If your goal is to get someone to buy from you (or trust, believe, understand, or empathize with you), why would you intentionally confuse them?

Why make it harder than necessary to get the information they need to make a decision?

Why use confusing phrases or vague points in an attempt to hide the cost of your product?

Do you think it makes them more likely to take action? Really it will frustrate them, damage any trust that’s already been built, and push them away.

“If you confuse, you lose.”

—Donald Miller

Make things direct and clear, especially prices. Don’t hide the truth because you’re worried about sticker shock or how someone will react.

If you feel the need to hide it, you might need to rethink what you’re doing. That goes for everything you do, not just selling.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Leadership as an experiment

The only way to become a leader, or to improve as a leader if you already are, is to treat everything like one giant science experiment.

Start with a hypothesis: “If I do/try/encourage _____, then ______ will happen/change/get better.”

What are you positing? What are you already presuming? Start with an observation you believe to be true.

Here’s an example:

“My employees feel disconnected from the company’s mission.”(Observation)

“If I meet regularly with them one-on-one to discuss what they believe is most important, then they will feel involved, supported, and I might get some really good ideas about how we can improve things around here.”(Hypothesis and potential solution)

At this point the experiment begins. Set parameters: what do “regular meetings” look like? What sort of questions will I ask? Am I prepared to listen empathically, to really understand how they feel and what they think matters?

You’ll gather data and attempt to put the ideas into practice (another experiment, perhaps). Test the ideas; observe what happens; use the information gathered to make changes as needed; repeat the experiment.

Think like a scientist.

If you think like a scientist, you don’t simply run the experiment and assume that it works. A scientist doesn’t hypothesize something, put on a blindfold, call the experiment a success, and move on to the next idea. The scientist tests, observes, measures, and solicits feedback. When you get that data, it will show either progress or regression – support for your idea or arguments against it. Use that data to adjust your hypothesis and experiment again, until it either works or becomes obvious that your hypothesis was wrong.

You are going to be wrong. Often.

There is only one way to avoid being wrong: don’t try to become a better leader. If you are willing to become a better leader, you must be willing to be wrong. Since you know you are going to be wrong, you need to become comfortable with honesty and transparency.

“This idea that I had, this new way of doing things, it didn’t work. I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

Humility and Trust

A leader must be humble and emotionally mature enough to admit errors and missteps. If you attempt to hide your failure, if you put the blame on anyone or anything other than yourself, if you pretend it all worked out when it’s obvious it didn’t, you will lose the trust and respect of those who serve under you. It will be very hard to get that back.

Think like a scientist. Test, observe, measure, and get feedback on your ideas. Experiment.

Most importantly, don’t ignore the data, and apologize when you’re wrong.

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by Nathan Coumbe

You might be the smartest person in the room…

You might be the smartest person in the room, but that probably doesn’t matter.

Being the most trusted person in a room, the one everyone believes they can rely on – being that kind of person will benefit you much more.

Being the smartest person in the room really doesn’t matter if no one likes or trusts you; if the relationship is bad, no one will listen to all the wonderful ideas and vast stores of knowledge inside you.

Work on your integrity and your relationships first, then work on increasing your knowledge.

Become the most socially/emotionally intelligent person in the room.

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by Nathan Coumbe

You cannot change people

To change a situation, you must first change yourself.

Notice that it says “situation,” not “person.” You cannot change people.

You can influence people if they let you, but then they are changing themselves.

Influence comes from trust and understanding: to be influenced, they must trust you. To trust you, they must feel understood.

Only when there is understanding can there be trust, and only when there is trust can there be influence.

So you must first change yourself: you must become a person who seeks to understand another, a person who chooses to see the world from the other’s point of view. Whether you agree or not is irrelevant; it is the understanding that matters.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

–Aristotle

If you want to create change, change the one thing over which you already have influence: yourself.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Nice guys finish

The saying goes, “nice guys finish last.” I say we drop the final word.

Nice guys finish; that’s what is truly important.

How can the idea of being kind to others, of being understanding and empathic, lead you astray?

You might be taken advantage of; you may not gain any immediate wins or notoriety by being the nice guy. But in the long term, you will come out ahead. You will finish.

You might be last, but you still finished the race.

Those who are overly aggressive, pushy, disagreeable, who stomp all over other people will get ahead of you. They are playing a short game. They’ll win the battle. But you aren’t a tactician: you are a strategist.

The strategist, the nice guy, takes the long view: he sacrifice the immediate benefits of imposing his will on someone else. He does not seek to win at all costs. He stays true to his principles and values, giving respect and dignity to others. The results of such an approach are increased trust and understanding between two parties, rather than a win/lose or lose/win situation.

So yeah, nice guys may finish last. But they make it to the finish line. The same can’t always be said for mean guys.