Category / proactivity

by Nathan Coumbe

What would it take to replace you?

Think about your work and personal life for a moment.

What qualities and skills would your employer look for in a new hire were she attempting to replace you?

Be that person now.

What would your spouse, significant other, or children look for in a partner or role model if you weren’t around?

Be that person now.

Start.

Be the person others in your life want and need; you will become nearly impossible to replace.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Should be vs. what is

You cannot move forward until you accept the reality of your current situation.

Things absolutely should be a certain way. Some people should still be alive.

But they aren’t.

Your current reality dictates what is possible in your future. But that realization equips you with a great power: the power to turn what you think should be into your future reality (to a certain extent. I’m in no way insinuating that you can bring back the dead).

Accept what is, then act accordingly.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Tomorrow is just another Wednesday

It’s New Year’s Eve – which means tomorrow is a new year, a chance to start over again, to accomplish all the goals you set for yourself but failed to achieve in 2019. It’s a chance to make new resolutions and actually keep them this time.

Yeah…right.

Tomorrow is just another Wednesday. New Year’s resolutions rarely work, as most of us know.

Yes, there is something innate within us that seems to see new opportunities at the beginning of every year, but there really isn’t anything special about tomorrow.

Except that tomorrow is another day. If you are lucky enough to wake up breathing tomorrow, you’ve been given a chance. Every day gives you the opportunity to start again, to make promises to yourself and keep them.

So do that – not because tomorrow is New Year’s, but because tomorrow is tomorrow. What is one tiny little thing you want to start doing better, or stop doing altogether?

Make a promise to yourself that you are going to do that one tiny thing. Keep that promise, day in and day out; don’t worry about anything else. Pretty soon you will form a habit. Then do it again. Not next year as a New Year’s resolution, but next week or next month, as a promise to yourself.

Tomorrow is just another Wednesday. Make the most of it.

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by Nathan Coumbe

The long-term

Cultural norms drive us to seek obvious, visual achievement in the short-term: we are encouraged to show off and look successful. But looks can be deceiving; it doesn’t mean that what is being done is right simply because it is a cultural norm.

It requires bravery and discipline to focus on the long-term at the expense of obvious results in the short-term. You cannot focus on what you want now at the expense of what you want, and probably need, later on.

If you have money in investments, it doesn’t make much sense to pull out more money than you are making in interest to buy something that you want now. You are invading the principle of the investment; this, in turn, lowers the amount of interest that can be made on what is left.

We violate this principle all the time:

  • Someone wants a new car, computer, or toy, so they borrow money to do it.
  • A parent wants her child to behave and cooperate now, so she uses her authority, power, and fear to metaphorically bludgeon the child into compliance.
  • A leader wants results this quarter, so she drives her people to exhaustion and frustration to hit the numbers now.

What are the results of these decisions?

  • Loss of control over income; massive amounts of interest paid
  • Fear and resentment of the parent by the child
  • Burnout, turnover, and loss of results over the following years

How might things have been different if one chose to live on less than one made? That money could have been saved up or invested to grow.

The parent could have used the troubled moment with the child as a time for understanding and teaching. Think of the relationship that would grow out of thousands of moments like this.

The boss could have attempted to look further out at what she really wanted from her company overall, not just right now. And she could have sought to understand her people better. She would increase loyalty and effectiveness: her people would naturally want to work harder and achieve the results for her because they believe she cares.

None of these responses have obvious, visual results in the moment, but their long-term results are exponentially greater.

It might feel weird to stand out from the pack, doing something that has no obvious short-term return.

That doesn’t mean you are wrong.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Don’t wait to have – be!

There is a tendency to see a problem as being outside of oneself. The problem is “over there” or “with that person.” Sadly, there is nothing you can do about “that over there” or your idiot coworker Bob.

If you start to think the problem is ‘out there,’ stop yourself. That thought is the problem.” – Stephen R. Covey

If you wait to have enough time to exercise, you’ll never have it.

If you wait to have a more loving and understanding spouse, he never will be.

If you wait to have an advanced degree before you start trying to teach other people, you will likely fail to ever start teaching.

Instead of waiting to have something that will miraculously fix your problem, be the person who already has it.

If you want to have time to exercise, be the person who blocks out ten minutes three times a week to do a quick strength training session.

If you want a more loving and understanding spouse, be the kind of spouse who loves unconditionally, who listens to understand rather than to respond, criticize, or persuade to your way of thinking.

If you want to teach, be a teacher. Whatever you are currently learning, whether from a book, an online course, or a college curriculum, teach it to someone else. Write a blog post about it; have a conversation with a friend and try to explain the concept to her in a way that makes sense.

If you want to have marketing skills, be a person who spreads the word about something she cares about, someone who gets others involved.

The only way anything will ever change is if we, ourselves, grow. Be the change you want to see in the world, and the change will happen.

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by Nathan Coumbe

A new normal

Adjusting to a new normal is…well, normal.

Most of the time, it is painful, difficult, frustrating, depressing, and hilarious – quite often all at once.

Face the new normal head-on with courage, kindness, and generosity.

It might not work out like you hope, but these qualities will still take you far.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Natural consequences

You are free to do anything you want. You are not free to choose the consequences.

Every choice we make has a natural consequence associated with it. 

You can choose to eat McDonald’s three times a day (I’ve done this), but you cannot choose the consequences of this decision (I gained 40 pounds in a year, added 8 inches to my waist, and felt miserable most days). 

You can choose to put your finger on a hot stove (why would you?), but you cannot choose whether or not you get burned. The natural consequence is a burned finger.

When you pick up one end of the stick, you pick up the other. – Stephen R. Covey

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by Nathan Coumbe

Predictable, predetermined choices

I had a moment of clarity today when I was re-reading a definition of proactive behavior.

“[Proactive behavior means] to choose your responses to various conditions rather than react in predictable or predetermined ways.”

This definition stuck out today because I read it right after finishing my lunch, which I had ordered with absolutely no forethought.

How many times have I walked into a restaurant and placed an order without thinking? How many times have I ordered something because that was what I had always gotten?

My choice of what to eat might be predictable – it’s what I always get – but it certainly isn’t predetermined. So this means I am not making a choice between stimulus and response.

Between stimulus and response is our greatest power–the freedom to choose. – Stephen R. Covey

Stimulus: walk into a restaurant for lunch.

Response: order the thing I always get, usually with less than ideal effects on my health.

I have a moment, in between arriving and ordering, where I can make a conscious decision about what to eat. This means I can choose to add value to my body, or I can choose to indulge in something less than ideal.

This is not a discussion of nutrition – it is a discussion of problem-solving. Think of all the decisions you make automatically each day, then pick one and imagine how you can respond between the stimulus and your automatic response.

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by Nathan Coumbe

There is no such thing as bad weather…

Only inappropriate clothing.

If it’s raining outside, why would you get mad at the rain? What good does it do?

Put on a jacket; break out the rain boots; grab an umbrella. Don’t curse the rain.

Things are going to happen that are beyond your control. All you can control in those instances are your responses to them. 

You’re on vacation in Hawaii, and it’s raining outside…so curl up on the couch with a good book and a hot cup of tea. Or go outside in your bathing suit — you’re in Hawaii, for Pete’s sake.

A politician you don’t like is voted into office…so go vote next time. 

You burn your hand while taking dinner out of the oven, and dinner crashes to the floor. You could kick the oven (that’ll teach it to burn you!), curse, scream, and tell everyone that the evening is ruined. Or you could run your hand under some cold water, put aloe on the burn, and order pizza while laughing at your clumsiness. 

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes things happen that you wish didn’t. 

You can’t change or manipulate the events. It’s a waste of energy. 

You can only change yourself.

Spend your energy wisely. 

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by Nathan Coumbe

What is the art that is yours to do?

How do you identify it?

Seth Godin asked the question, “Where are the spots [in your personal/professional/creative life] in which you are most afraid?” 

Find the places and things you are afraid of, and determine why you are afraid of them. Then you can identify what you need to go work on.

“Begin with the thing that scares you.”

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