Category / effectiveness

by Nathan Coumbe

The long-term

Cultural norms drive us to seek obvious, visual achievement in the short-term: we are encouraged to show off and look successful. But looks can be deceiving; it doesn’t mean that what is being done is right simply because it is a cultural norm.

It requires bravery and discipline to focus on the long-term at the expense of obvious results in the short-term. You cannot focus on what you want now at the expense of what you want, and probably need, later on.

If you have money in investments, it doesn’t make much sense to pull out more money than you are making in interest to buy something that you want now. You are invading the principle of the investment; this, in turn, lowers the amount of interest that can be made on what is left.

We violate this principle all the time:

  • Someone wants a new car, computer, or toy, so they borrow money to do it.
  • A parent wants her child to behave and cooperate now, so she uses her authority, power, and fear to metaphorically bludgeon the child into compliance.
  • A leader wants results this quarter, so she drives her people to exhaustion and frustration to hit the numbers now.

What are the results of these decisions?

  • Loss of control over income; massive amounts of interest paid
  • Fear and resentment of the parent by the child
  • Burnout, turnover, and loss of results over the following years

How might things have been different if one chose to live on less than one made? That money could have been saved up or invested to grow.

The parent could have used the troubled moment with the child as a time for understanding and teaching. Think of the relationship that would grow out of thousands of moments like this.

The boss could have attempted to look further out at what she really wanted from her company overall, not just right now. And she could have sought to understand her people better. She would increase loyalty and effectiveness: her people would naturally want to work harder and achieve the results for her because they believe she cares.

None of these responses have obvious, visual results in the moment, but their long-term results are exponentially greater.

It might feel weird to stand out from the pack, doing something that has no obvious short-term return.

That doesn’t mean you are wrong.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Don’t wait to have – be!

There is a tendency to see a problem as being outside of oneself. The problem is “over there” or “with that person.” Sadly, there is nothing you can do about “that over there” or your idiot coworker Bob.

If you start to think the problem is ‘out there,’ stop yourself. That thought is the problem.” – Stephen R. Covey

If you wait to have enough time to exercise, you’ll never have it.

If you wait to have a more loving and understanding spouse, he never will be.

If you wait to have an advanced degree before you start trying to teach other people, you will likely fail to ever start teaching.

Instead of waiting to have something that will miraculously fix your problem, be the person who already has it.

If you want to have time to exercise, be the person who blocks out ten minutes three times a week to do a quick strength training session.

If you want a more loving and understanding spouse, be the kind of spouse who loves unconditionally, who listens to understand rather than to respond, criticize, or persuade to your way of thinking.

If you want to teach, be a teacher. Whatever you are currently learning, whether from a book, an online course, or a college curriculum, teach it to someone else. Write a blog post about it; have a conversation with a friend and try to explain the concept to her in a way that makes sense.

If you want to have marketing skills, be a person who spreads the word about something she cares about, someone who gets others involved.

The only way anything will ever change is if we, ourselves, grow. Be the change you want to see in the world, and the change will happen.

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by Nathan Coumbe

We are all volunteers

Everyone you interact with on a daily basis is a volunteer in your life.

Don’t believe it? Try an experiment:

If you have children, a spouse, or any sort of significant other, order them around, withhold affection, neglect the small kindnesses and courtesies that make relationships so strong and fun.

If you do it long enough and often enough, they will quit.

(Please don’t actually try that experiment.)

The same is true in any organization: simply because someone is employed by another does not mean that person is not a volunteer. You would never neglect the needs and wants of a customer or disrespect her. Why not? Because a customer is a volunteer – she is choosing to do business with you, and that choice can be revoked at any time.

There seems to be some disconnect when money is involved – because the person is paid, she does not deserve the same level of care and dignity given to a customer. This could not be further from the truth.

The employee might be reliant on that money; she might need it for her survival, but she is still a volunteer.

Your friends and family members are volunteers; they are customers. They are choosing to do “business” with you, and at any time, that choice can be revoked. Your employees are volunteers; they just happen to be paid.

Treat everyone with whom you interact as a volunteer customer, and you will seldom be disappointed.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Natural consequences

You are free to do anything you want. You are not free to choose the consequences.

Every choice we make has a natural consequence associated with it. 

You can choose to eat McDonald’s three times a day (I’ve done this), but you cannot choose the consequences of this decision (I gained 40 pounds in a year, added 8 inches to my waist, and felt miserable most days). 

You can choose to put your finger on a hot stove (why would you?), but you cannot choose whether or not you get burned. The natural consequence is a burned finger.

When you pick up one end of the stick, you pick up the other. – Stephen R. Covey

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by Nathan Coumbe

Predictable, predetermined choices

I had a moment of clarity today when I was re-reading a definition of proactive behavior.

“[Proactive behavior means] to choose your responses to various conditions rather than react in predictable or predetermined ways.”

This definition stuck out today because I read it right after finishing my lunch, which I had ordered with absolutely no forethought.

How many times have I walked into a restaurant and placed an order without thinking? How many times have I ordered something because that was what I had always gotten?

My choice of what to eat might be predictable – it’s what I always get – but it certainly isn’t predetermined. So this means I am not making a choice between stimulus and response.

Between stimulus and response is our greatest power–the freedom to choose. – Stephen R. Covey

Stimulus: walk into a restaurant for lunch.

Response: order the thing I always get, usually with less than ideal effects on my health.

I have a moment, in between arriving and ordering, where I can make a conscious decision about what to eat. This means I can choose to add value to my body, or I can choose to indulge in something less than ideal.

This is not a discussion of nutrition – it is a discussion of problem-solving. Think of all the decisions you make automatically each day, then pick one and imagine how you can respond between the stimulus and your automatic response.

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by Nathan Coumbe

There is no such thing as bad weather…

Only inappropriate clothing.

If it’s raining outside, why would you get mad at the rain? What good does it do?

Put on a jacket; break out the rain boots; grab an umbrella. Don’t curse the rain.

Things are going to happen that are beyond your control. All you can control in those instances are your responses to them. 

You’re on vacation in Hawaii, and it’s raining outside…so curl up on the couch with a good book and a hot cup of tea. Or go outside in your bathing suit — you’re in Hawaii, for Pete’s sake.

A politician you don’t like is voted into office…so go vote next time. 

You burn your hand while taking dinner out of the oven, and dinner crashes to the floor. You could kick the oven (that’ll teach it to burn you!), curse, scream, and tell everyone that the evening is ruined. Or you could run your hand under some cold water, put aloe on the burn, and order pizza while laughing at your clumsiness. 

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes things happen that you wish didn’t. 

You can’t change or manipulate the events. It’s a waste of energy. 

You can only change yourself.

Spend your energy wisely. 

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by Nathan Coumbe

What is the art that is yours to do?

How do you identify it?

Seth Godin asked the question, “Where are the spots [in your personal/professional/creative life] in which you are most afraid?” 

Find the places and things you are afraid of, and determine why you are afraid of them. Then you can identify what you need to go work on.

“Begin with the thing that scares you.”

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by Nathan Coumbe

The instrument is a means to an end

Instrument – noun 

  1. A tool or instrument; 
  2. a thing used in pursuing an aim; 
  3. an object or device used to produce musical sounds.

The purpose of an instrument is to accomplish a goal. Play a song; perform surgery; type a book; draw a sketch.

Why, then, do we spend so much time focused on learning the tool, the means to the end, rather than pursuing the end itself?

How ridiculous would it be for a surgeon to spend four years of her education learning how to use a scalpel? His end goal is to perform surgery, and the scalpel is simply a tool to help her achieve that goal. So she focuses on what he is trying to accomplish, rather than on the scalpel, and learns to use the scalpel to achieve the goal – helping the patient lying in front of her.

A drum set, trumpet, guitar, or violin is a tool used to create music. And yet, in conversations I’ve had with other musicians and from my own personal experience, an inordinate amount of time in the education of a musician is spent on technical exercises or non-musical experiences. 

I am not diminishing the importance of mastering every facet of one’s tool – a surgeon must be a master with a scalpel; a musician must be in total control of her instrument. But to focus on technique, on the instrument only, while ignoring the purpose for which it was created, is to learn only half of a craft. 

How different would an artist’s life be if every exercise or technical study was drawn from a major work in her field? What if, in learning a song, one created one’s own technical exercises that enabled mastery of the music being played, rather than technique for technique’s sake? 

Learn medicine, not scalpel technique.

Learn to create art, not how to use a pencil.

Lean to play music, not an instrument.

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by Nathan Coumbe

What is failure to you?

If you try something new, you might fail.

Why is that such a debilitating statement? Unless you are attempting to leap between two buildings or run past a speeding car on the interstate, our failures are rarely fatal.

Yet we are paralyzed by the thought of failing at a new side hustle, of being rejected when asking for a date, or of failing at the new hobby we have never before tried.

If being proactive means choosing how one respond’s to a situation, then we can fail proactively. You can look at failure as a reason to never again attempt something, or you can look at it as simply one way the new thing won’t work.

Thomas Edison tried 10,000 ways to make a lightbulb before he found the way that worked. He saw each failure, not as a discouragement to trying again, but as a stepping stone to success.

Choose to see failure as a learning experience and you will only ever improve the next time.

by Nathan Coumbe

What makes you uncomfortable?

Resiliency is a skill that can be developed through practice. The first step is choosing to practice. 

What makes you uncomfortable? The answer to that question will help determine where to start.

I hate asking people to make special accommodations for me: I always feel I am inconveniencing the other person (I rarely am), or that I am being a very annoying customer (if they think so, that’s their choice). So when my wife and I started to drastically reduce our waste production, I was uncomfortable with some of the suggestions she made. 

A story…

My favorite example took place at our local Mexican restaurant: they have delicious salsa that we would buy in large tubs to take home and use during the week. These tubs were made of styrofoam and had plastic lids. My wife suggested that I take one of our many empty glass jars and ask for salsa to be placed inside. I was so reluctant, so uncomfortably scared to simply ask. It felt dangerous, even though the worst thing that could happen was to receive no as an answer. No danger at all, but my mind made it feel dangerous.

After numerous arguments (I was scared, remember?), I grudgingly went to the restaurant and made the request. The host looked at me curiously, but he acquiesced and placed the salsa in our jar. He even went a step further and informed me that there were no preservatives in the salsa; it would only keep for a week or so. A wave of relief washed over me. 

But wait! 

The next week, when I went back for more salsa, there was a sign on the front counter. 

“$2.99 jars of salsa to go. Bring the jar back for a $0.99 refill.”

The host, who was also the manager, bought a stock of small glass jars and decided to sell them. He was actively encouraging people to reuse the jars while also proactively choosing to reduce the waste his restaurant produced. 

By choosing (i.e. being forced by my incredible wife) to do something that made me uncomfortable, my wife and I achieved one of our small waste reduction goals. But the most inspiring thing was the change it created in someone else. 

Seek out discomfort in all areas of your life. It makes you stronger mentally. Discomfort in the gym makes you stronger physically. 

Other people avoid discomfort, which means you will be doing things others won’t. The intersection of discomfort and action creates change the world desperately needs. 

Change makes things better. Seeking out discomfort makes things better. 

What makes you uncomfortable?

Go do that.