Category / coaching

by Nathan Coumbe

Pain is an opinion

At some point in my childhood, I found myself having a self-talk conversation about pain. I can’t remember exactly what was happening, but I know whatever it was was difficult and physically painful. 

I had this realization that pain wasn’t some physical, tangible thing in or on my body. It was an electrical signal being sent from one area of my body to my brain, which was interpreting this event as pain. It wasn’t “real.” At least, that’s what my childhood brain decided. 

I proceeded to test this idea after my realization by seeing how hard I could pinch myself before giving in to that ephemeral signal sent to my brain. The next few minutes (and days) were experiments in whether the realization that pain was only a chemical reaction in my brain could inoculate against physical pain. 

Shocker – it doesn’t work like that. I still felt pain. There was always a point where I thought, “Okay, stop. This hurts.”

But I did learn something from that experiment: realizing what pain is allowed me to tolerate more of it. Telling myself that it wasn’t a “thing” in the world I could touch allowed me to feel that pain and continue hurting myself anyway.

Now, the health and sanity of this experiment can definitely be questioned. But I later learned I wasn’t the first person to come up with this idea. 

It’s actually more than 2,000 years old and described quite well by the Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius. 

“Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.” —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

He goes on to argue that most of the things that happen to us in life we think of as “bad” are actually neutral. It’s our opinions of those events that determine whether they are good or bad, whether we’re hurt or not.

By teaching myself that this pain signal from my brain was a real thing, I removed (or at least delayed) the opinion that I was hurt and needed to stop pinching myself. It allowed me to push beyond my normal pain tolerance and endure more of it.

Let me give you another, less childish example. 

People who go into special operations selection (think Navy SEALs or Green Berets) don’t do it believing they’ll breeze through. No matter how hard they train and prepare, they know it will suck. It’ll hurt, and that’s by design. 

The goal in that environment isn’t to breeze through without feeling pain; it’s to endure the pain and keep going anyway. The cadre screen for people who can do that, because it’s often necessary in a real-world operation. 

If you’ve been shot and you’re stuck in the middle of enemy territory, you don’t get a sick day. You must accept the pain, the injury, even the very real damage you’ve incurred… And you have to get your ass out of Dodge anyway, probably while carrying one of your injured teammates out, too. 

They can do this, not because they are superhuman, but because they’ve trained themselves to feel the very real pain and keep going anyway.

So, yes, pain and injury are real. But how it affects us and our ability to perform—how it affects what we’re capable of—is often overblown by our opinion of that pain.

by Nathan Coumbe

Art hardens you against feedback

I spent years of my life being criticized (often brutally) by teachers and peers during my time as a musician.

It hurt—a lot. For a while, anyway.

Eventually you realize something:

It’s not about you. It’s about the work.

Even when the comments seem personal or exceedingly harsh.

You realize there’s this other thing you’re trying to bring into the world (in my case, a piece of music). And there are ways to do it that are creative and wonderful… And ways to do it that are just plain wrong.

At some point, the musician realizes that the people they’re making art with all have the same goal: to bring to life a beautiful piece of music in the way it needs to be.

And when you’re all working toward that shared goal, it makes the feedback easier to bear. You learn to separate the self from the art.

It’s not about you—it’s about the work.

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by Nathan Coumbe

The new way of getting jobs

I used to create and edit resumés as a side hustle.

I learned soon after I started that it wasn’t the best business to run. Not because I was bad at it (my resumés were gorgeous and well-made), but because no one who could hire my clients ever got the resumés I made. 

By the time I started that little business, resumé screening software had taken over the business world. And most job postings were getting anywhere from 200 to 1,000 applicants a piece. No one was seeing my clients’ resumés.

Someone would get those jobs, but it was unlikely to be the person I was helping. 

If you read books like What Color Is Your Parachute? or 48 Days to the Work (and Life) You Love, you’ll learn that sending out resumés to companies only works about 4% of the time. 

That means you’d have to apply for 25 jobs to get one response (just a response, not a hiring decision). And those are just basic statistics—you wouldn’t actually get a response 1 in 25 times. You might have to send out 100 applications and only get responses on the last 4.

So what to do?

I’ve been asked recently by numerous people if I could help them fix their resumés. And I’ve declined every time. 

“I don’t do that anymore,” I say, “because it no longer works.”

What does work is simple: connection.

The old saying is, unfortunately, true: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. And in the connection economy of the 21st Century, that really is the only thing that matters. 

By connections, I don’t mean the hundreds of people you barely know on LinkedIn. People who are creating content to (maybe) entice the platform’s algorithm in the hopes that someone will see them and say, “Let’s hire Jane.”

I mean real people that you know: friends, family, coworkers. The barista who knows your name. The husband of the banker who handles your mortgage.

If you want a to get a job in the modern economy (and 88% of those available are never posted online), you have to talk to a lot of people. 

Every job I’ve ever had, I got because I knew someone. Every. Single. One. 

Half the time I wasn’t even looking. The other half, I asked for help. I told lots of people with whom I’d built relationships that I was looking.

Now, I also know that’s probably some of my privilege showing. But it’s the advice that I’ve given everyone who’s asked me over the last couple of years. And for those who have listened—and taken ACTION—it’s worked out. 

Now, I’m no networking expert. Nor do I “network” in the slimy business sense.

I’ve just read a lot and built relationships with people.

In addition to the couple of books I recommended above, I’d also tell you to check out:

Both of these books have strategies on how to TALK to people in ways that will (eventually and without being sleazy) lead to jobs. 

Resumés don’t work. Connections do. 

But resumés are easier—a way to hide from the difficult, but effective, work of having meaningful conversations with real people. 

Do the thing that works, not the thing that’s easy.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Childhood inclinations

Don’t get in the way of your children’s natural inclinations.

If they want to write, encourage it. If they want to dance or sing, help them do it. If they want to play sports, give them the means to do so.

We all seem to be wired for different things. Trying to become something we’re not is the worst possible way to live.

by Nathan Coumbe

Change your story, change your results

Each of us has an internal narrative constantly chattering about who we are. 

But what we don’t always realize is that internal narrative influences how we behave.

If you tell yourself the story that, “Overeating makes me feel happy,” that story might be a stand-in for the real story—“I’m unhappy with different aspects of my life and overeating gives me a small dose of pleasure.”

Until you realize this, you’ll continue to overeat and live on greasy fast food multiple times each week.

(I know this because it’s a story I’m trying to rewrite myself). 

If you tell yourself a story that says, “I’m not skilled at sales or business,” you might never realize your unresolved dream of starting your own venture and working for yourself. 

The first step to overcoming many of our chronic issues is to start telling ourselves a different story. 

Changing what you do starts by changing your identity—who you believe yourself to be. 

Change the story, change the person.

by Nathan Coumbe

Who’s your Zig Ziglar?

Zig Ziglar (a native of my very own Mississippi) is practically the grandfather of all motivational speakers. 

He spent years of his life giving incredible speeches on stage. But he also recorded dozens of audio programs to help people change their mindsets and learn his signature theme:

“You can have everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.”

Seth Godin used Zig Ziglar as a mentor when he started off as a book packager in the 1980s. He had multiple Zig Ziglar audio programs that he listened to on repeat for 3+ hours a day. And it helped him overcome 900 rejections in a row!

Seth is a huge advocate for listening to the same people over and over again as often as you can.

But it’s not necessarily because “positive thinking” can help you get everything you want in life.

Instead, it’s to help you rewire your self-talk so you can…

  • Be more effective in your daily life, 
  • Overcome obstacles and setbacks
  • Be positive when the bad stuff inevitably happens

His advice: find someone who speaks to you in the right way and listen to their messages over and over again… Until you come to believe it yourself. 

Seth Godin is MY Zig Ziglar. 

  • I’ve listened to all of his podcast episodes (200+) at least twice, if not more
  • I’ve watched all his TED talks multiple times 
  • I’ve tried to find every podcast he’s ever been a guest on
  • AND I own just about every one of his books

I wonder: who’s your Zig Ziglar?

Who is someone whose message resonated so much with you that you can’t get enough of them? 

If you’ve found someone like that—in a podcast, audiobook, TED talk, or YouTube channel—I urge you to put them on repeat and rewire your self-talk. 

And if you haven’t, find someone who could do that for you… Seth Godin. Zig Ziglar. Buddha. Tony Robbins. Robert Kiyosaki. Jesus.

The “who” doesn’t matter all that much.

Just find someone and adopt them as a mentor from afar.

by Nathan Coumbe

Fix your complaining

I learned a great technique from Dr. John Berardi which has really helped improve my outlook on life. 

Here’s what I learned from him:

“It feels silly, but every time I find myself complaining, I immediately stop and list off three good things about my day.”

Read the article about this gratitude technique here, then try it for yourself and let me know how it goes.

by Nathan Coumbe

What does coaching mean to you?

I heard the best description of what a coach does this week on Michael Hyatt’s podcast, “Lead to Win”:

“I love developing people and helping [them] to see the best potential in them and call it out. And that is what coaching is all about.”

That quote is from Michele Cushatt, Chief Coaching Officer at Michael Hyatt & Company. (You can check out the episode here.)

Her definition of coaching leapt out at me… I had to listen to it at least three times. 

Most of us have an image in our head of a coach as a cheerleader… Maybe it’s someone who tells you “great job” when you finish a task or make a little progress. 

Or maybe “coach” conjures images of someone putting you through drills or practices to help you develop a skill. 

Coaches can and should do those things. But that’s not the essence of what coaching is…

A great coach sees the potential in another person and calls it out! That’s the key. They bring forth what’s already inside someone else. 

They help someone become the best person they can be. The person they are destined to become.

Do you have someone in your life doing that for you? If not, can you find someone?

Or is there someone you know who’s got tons of potential but can’t see it? Or hasn’t developed it? 

Why can’t you take the role of coach and call it out to them?

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