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Posts by Nathan Coumbe

My mission is to learn, inform, inspire, and improve. I am a passionate teacher, an avid writer, a leader of people, and a strategic thinker. Wherever I am, whatever the work I am called to do, my goal is the same: make my little corner of the world better for everyone in it. To do this, I ask better questions and solve more interesting problems for those I serve. Think deeply. Think often. Keep exploring. Always be curious.

How do you ensure that you are pursuing your version of happiness?

You must define it.

What is it that you value? What principles do you want to guide your life?

Love? Kindness? Generosity? Education? Career?

What kind of person to you want to be?

Curious? Successful? Entrepreneurial? Intelligent? Understanding?

What do you want to do?

Write a book? Go skydiving? Play at Carnegie Hall?

What do you want to have?

A five-bedroom home? Two children? A golden retriever? A BMW?

What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

Until you start defining your vision for your future, you cannot truly determine what your path to success will be.

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Don’t wait to have – be!

There is a tendency to see a problem as being outside of oneself. The problem is “over there” or “with that person.” Sadly, there is nothing you can do about “that over there” or your idiot coworker Bob.

If you start to think the problem is ‘out there,’ stop yourself. That thought is the problem.” – Stephen R. Covey

If you wait to have enough time to exercise, you’ll never have it.

If you wait to have a more loving and understanding spouse, he never will be.

If you wait to have an advanced degree before you start trying to teach other people, you will likely fail to ever start teaching.

Instead of waiting to have something that will miraculously fix your problem, be the person who already has it.

If you want to have time to exercise, be the person who blocks out ten minutes three times a week to do a quick strength training session.

If you want a more loving and understanding spouse, be the kind of spouse who loves unconditionally, who listens to understand rather than to respond, criticize, or persuade to your way of thinking.

If you want to teach, be a teacher. Whatever you are currently learning, whether from a book, an online course, or a college curriculum, teach it to someone else. Write a blog post about it; have a conversation with a friend and try to explain the concept to her in a way that makes sense.

If you want to have marketing skills, be a person who spreads the word about something she cares about, someone who gets others involved.

The only way anything will ever change is if we, ourselves, grow. Be the change you want to see in the world, and the change will happen.

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We are all volunteers

Everyone you interact with on a daily basis is a volunteer in your life.

Don’t believe it? Try an experiment:

If you have children, a spouse, or any sort of significant other, order them around, withhold affection, neglect the small kindnesses and courtesies that make relationships so strong and fun.

If you do it long enough and often enough, they will quit.

(Please don’t actually try that experiment.)

The same is true in any organization: simply because someone is employed by another does not mean that person is not a volunteer. You would never neglect the needs and wants of a customer or disrespect her. Why not? Because a customer is a volunteer – she is choosing to do business with you, and that choice can be revoked at any time.

There seems to be some disconnect when money is involved – because the person is paid, she does not deserve the same level of care and dignity given to a customer. This could not be further from the truth.

The employee might be reliant on that money; she might need it for her survival, but she is still a volunteer.

Your friends and family members are volunteers; they are customers. They are choosing to do “business” with you, and at any time, that choice can be revoked. Your employees are volunteers; they just happen to be paid.

Treat everyone with whom you interact as a volunteer customer, and you will seldom be disappointed.

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A new normal

Adjusting to a new normal is…well, normal.

Most of the time, it is painful, difficult, frustrating, depressing, and hilarious – quite often all at once.

Face the new normal head-on with courage, kindness, and generosity.

It might not work out like you hope, but these qualities will still take you far.

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Natural consequences

You are free to do anything you want. You are not free to choose the consequences.

Every choice we make has a natural consequence associated with it. 

You can choose to eat McDonald’s three times a day (I’ve done this), but you cannot choose the consequences of this decision (I gained 40 pounds in a year, added 8 inches to my waist, and felt miserable most days). 

You can choose to put your finger on a hot stove (why would you?), but you cannot choose whether or not you get burned. The natural consequence is a burned finger.

When you pick up one end of the stick, you pick up the other. – Stephen R. Covey

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Predictable, predetermined choices

I had a moment of clarity today when I was re-reading a definition of proactive behavior.

“[Proactive behavior means] to choose your responses to various conditions rather than react in predictable or predetermined ways.”

This definition stuck out today because I read it right after finishing my lunch, which I had ordered with absolutely no forethought.

How many times have I walked into a restaurant and placed an order without thinking? How many times have I ordered something because that was what I had always gotten?

My choice of what to eat might be predictable – it’s what I always get – but it certainly isn’t predetermined. So this means I am not making a choice between stimulus and response.

Between stimulus and response is our greatest power–the freedom to choose. – Stephen R. Covey

Stimulus: walk into a restaurant for lunch.

Response: order the thing I always get, usually with less than ideal effects on my health.

I have a moment, in between arriving and ordering, where I can make a conscious decision about what to eat. This means I can choose to add value to my body, or I can choose to indulge in something less than ideal.

This is not a discussion of nutrition – it is a discussion of problem-solving. Think of all the decisions you make automatically each day, then pick one and imagine how you can respond between the stimulus and your automatic response.

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There is no such thing as bad weather…

Only inappropriate clothing.

If it’s raining outside, why would you get mad at the rain? What good does it do?

Put on a jacket; break out the rain boots; grab an umbrella. Don’t curse the rain.

Things are going to happen that are beyond your control. All you can control in those instances are your responses to them. 

You’re on vacation in Hawaii, and it’s raining outside…so curl up on the couch with a good book and a hot cup of tea. Or go outside in your bathing suit — you’re in Hawaii, for Pete’s sake.

A politician you don’t like is voted into office…so go vote next time. 

You burn your hand while taking dinner out of the oven, and dinner crashes to the floor. You could kick the oven (that’ll teach it to burn you!), curse, scream, and tell everyone that the evening is ruined. Or you could run your hand under some cold water, put aloe on the burn, and order pizza while laughing at your clumsiness. 

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes things happen that you wish didn’t. 

You can’t change or manipulate the events. It’s a waste of energy. 

You can only change yourself.

Spend your energy wisely. 

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Separate the chaff from the wheat

Wheat doesn’t grow out of the ground, ready to grind into meal for the creation of bread. It comes with a bunch of extra stuff you don’t want in your loaf. You must first separate the chaff from the wheat. 

The same is true with ideas: good ideas don’t just happen. If you wait to have a good idea, you will never have any ideas at all. 

You won’t know the difference between a good idea and a bad idea if you have no ideas.

Ideas are simply ideas; let them flow through you, without judgement. Afterwards, you can determine the ones that might work from the ones that definitely won’t. 

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What is the art that is yours to do?

How do you identify it?

Seth Godin asked the question, “Where are the spots [in your personal/professional/creative life] in which you are most afraid?” 

Find the places and things you are afraid of, and determine why you are afraid of them. Then you can identify what you need to go work on.

“Begin with the thing that scares you.”

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The instrument is a means to an end

Instrument – noun 

  1. A tool or instrument; 
  2. a thing used in pursuing an aim; 
  3. an object or device used to produce musical sounds.

The purpose of an instrument is to accomplish a goal. Play a song; perform surgery; type a book; draw a sketch.

Why, then, do we spend so much time focused on learning the tool, the means to the end, rather than pursuing the end itself?

How ridiculous would it be for a surgeon to spend four years of her education learning how to use a scalpel? His end goal is to perform surgery, and the scalpel is simply a tool to help her achieve that goal. So she focuses on what he is trying to accomplish, rather than on the scalpel, and learns to use the scalpel to achieve the goal – helping the patient lying in front of her.

A drum set, trumpet, guitar, or violin is a tool used to create music. And yet, in conversations I’ve had with other musicians and from my own personal experience, an inordinate amount of time in the education of a musician is spent on technical exercises or non-musical experiences. 

I am not diminishing the importance of mastering every facet of one’s tool – a surgeon must be a master with a scalpel; a musician must be in total control of her instrument. But to focus on technique, on the instrument only, while ignoring the purpose for which it was created, is to learn only half of a craft. 

How different would an artist’s life be if every exercise or technical study was drawn from a major work in her field? What if, in learning a song, one created one’s own technical exercises that enabled mastery of the music being played, rather than technique for technique’s sake? 

Learn medicine, not scalpel technique.

Learn to create art, not how to use a pencil.

Lean to play music, not an instrument.

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