I learned a great technique from Dr. John Berardi which has really helped improve my outlook on life.
Here’s what I learned from him:
“It feels silly, but every time I find myself complaining, I immediately stop and list off three good things about my day.”
Read the article about this gratitude technique here, then try it for yourself and let me know how it goes.
When you think about it for any length of time at all, it’s utter nonsense.
“Thank you,” says your customer.
“You’re welcome,” you reply.
You’re welcome….to what? You’re welcome to ask for help again in the future? You’re welcome to more of the same?
Why aren’t people shouting, “What am I welcome to?!”
There are so many options available to us other than an automatic “You’re welcome.” The phrase is automatic and useless. I’ve always wondered why we use it.
We can say, “It was my pleasure,” implying that you genuinely enjoyed helping them. Chick-fil-A’s employees are getting it right. (And yes, I realize it’s engrained in them and automatic, much like “You’re welcome.” It may not actually be their pleasure to help me. That’s a subject for a different post.)
Or my favorite: “I’m happy to help.” When I say it, I genuinely mean it. And by saying it, I actually feel happy that I helped that person.
It’s time to do away with this nonsensical phrase and replace it with something genuine and meaningful.
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Networking – the idea of surrounding yourself with lots of people who might be able to open doors for you and help you get jobs – is a terrible practice.
It sucks.
The premise is flawed; it goes against every notion and every principle of decency and humanity. To effectively network, it seems one must adopt the mindset of, “What can this person do for me? How can she connect me with the HR department at [insert famous company]? What resources can she offer me so that I can get better (more marketable and attractive to potential employers)?”
Take, take, take, take. It’s a very common practice in Social Networking – some will say, “Use [pick your Social Media poison] to grow as many potentially helpful connections as possible so that maybe one of them can help you get a job at a certain company.”
The selfish focus, the mindset of “me,” is horrid. What is worse: it often backfires and alienates those you are attempting to use for your own selfish gains.
You think these “connections” can’t read right through your message? You’re wrong.
I propose a new way to network – go on your LinkedIn profile and start going down the list of connections. For each one, ask yourself this question: “Can I make a contribution to this person today, and if so, how?”
One important note: this requires a paradigm shift – a genuine change in your way of thinking (here’s a post about paradigms). You cannot adopt this posture while thinking in the back of your mind, “How can I contribute in a way that will get me something later?” You haven’t actually changed anything about the process that way.
If you really want to test this out, find someone in your list of connections who truly cannot “do” anything for you, in the sense of making a connection, giving a recommendation, or helping you get a job. When you find this person, ask yourself what contribution you can make: maybe it’s a simple message of gratitude for something they posted; perhaps it’s asking how their business is performing during the current crisis.
It doesn’t have to be much – it only has to be genuine. Only you will know if your intentions are pure.
“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
–John F. Kennedy
JFK said it well, and the same message applies to networking.
Ask not what your connections can do for you; ask what you can do for your connections.
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