Tag / fear

by Nathan Coumbe

It’s Just a Simple Fear of Failing

Dan Miller sent out an email a couple of weeks ago entitled “Why Are You Stuck?” It struck a nerve in me, so I pinned that email to the top of my inbox and read it every day for the last two weeks.

Today, I finally took the time to craft a response and send it back to him. I thought I’d share it with you as well.

I’m a great writer—in fact, I do that in my day job. That, combined with my teaching experience, is why I was hired. Because I’m good at, and enjoy, writing, I keep thinking about, journaling about, and contemplating becoming a freelance copywriter as a 15-hour a week side business.

(Click here if you’d want to learn how YOU can start a business with only 15 hours per week)

I eventually want to become a full-time marketing consultant and a business coach for aspiring entrepreneurs and small business folks. I’m already doing the latter as part of my day job, just not as often as I’d like.

And…I keep getting cold feet, talking myself out of it. But today, I think I’ve finally been able to express what’s holding me back. It’s not a fear of cold-calling people or getting rejected…

I’m afraid I’m going to let them down! I’m afraid I’m going to fail to live up to my prices. Or write bad copy. Or that I’ll wireframe and write copy for a website, and it won’t work! I’m terrified of charging someone money for something and failing to deliver what I promised.

It seems disappointingly simple that my hold-ups come down to a simple fear of failure. But there it is. Dan asked me the question, and this morning I finally had an answer for him.

What’s holding you back? Maybe you’re thinking of starting a business or becoming a freelancer yourself. If so, I encourage you to click here and enter your email address.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Driving with the Rear-View Mirror

It’s how most of us spend our lives.

We make a decision, half-heartedly commit to it, and spend the entire time looking over our shoulder.

“Did I commit to the right career path?”

“What about that thing over there?”

“Maybe I made the wrong choice…”

It’s like driving while only looking in the rear-view mirror. You drive ridiculously slowly and will more than likely crash. And you never get anywhere.

Better to stare out the windshield and speed down the interstate. You can always take one of the exits if you find out you’re going to the wrong destination.

Just don’t assume you started wrong.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Are You Afraid of Being Told “Yes”?

Fear of rejection is normal. As a new freelancer, businessperson, or job-hunter, the thought of being rejected is terrifying. It’ll stop you in your tracks.

You don’t even have to try hard to imagine the feeling. You reach out, make cold contacts, and have (metaphorical) doors slammed in your face over and over. It’s enough to keep anyone from trying.

But there may be another reason you’re hesitating. A seemingly ridiculous reason you haven’t sent that email or finished that application.

You’re worried they might say yes…

Why would anyone worry about that? Isn’t hearing “yes” the best news possible?

And yet this fear is universal. Because if they say yes, you’re on the hook. You’re now responsible.

If you take on a freelance project, it’s all on you to deliver. If you take on a new job or move into a new career field, you have to perform.

And maybe…just maybe…you’re afraid you won’t be able to live up to the expectations. Maybe you’re worried you won’t deliver on the promise you made.

It’s not always fear of rejection that paralyzes us.

Often, we’re worried we’ll get exactly what we ask for.

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by Nathan Coumbe

What Has 2020 Shown You?

2020 sucks. That doesn’t need to be said anymore. But a post from a gentleman whom I follow on LinkedIn made me rather introspective this morning. Here was my response to his post.

2020 showed me that life was more uncertain and fragile than I’d ever realized. I lost two of my closest relatives. My family suffered unimaginable heartache.

I discovered I’d been living life out of fear, looking at everything through a lens of safety. So I started asking myself, “if I died tomorrow, would I be satisfied with what I’ve accomplished? Would I be okay with how I left things for my wife and family?”

With that mindset, I’ve approached my days differently, dancing with fear and taking action in the face of it. Making definite choices rather than hesitating or hedging my bets.

In short, I’m bolder.

As I’ve learned from Zig Ziglar, if I fail I learn. If I learn, I grow. If I grow, I succeed.

What about you? What has 2020 shown you? Comment below.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Which emotions are you feeding?

“My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.”

—Jack Layton

Feelings becomes actions.

We cannot always control our emotions, but we can control our actions by choosing which feelings and emotions we feed.

We always have a choice.

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by Nathan Coumbe

We Are Our Own Worst Critics

Artists tend to have little faith in themselves or their work. They prejudge, rewrite, and scrap work without ever letting the work just “be.” 

We don’t feel it’s good enough, so we don’t hit “Publish” or “Post”. We fail to contact that company or that prospective client with a work proposal because we don’t feel we are good enough to get the job. 

I’ll let you in on a little secret:

Your work isn’t good enough.

It isn’t good enough by your own definition of “good enough to ship,” which in all likelihood is actually the definition of “perfect.” It’s not good enough for your impossibly high standards. 

That doesn’t mean it isn’t good. It might even be great. 

If your definition of “good enough” is actually “perfect,” you will fail. Nothing you ever make will be perfect. Nothing will ever be “finished” with that mindset. 

Ship your work anyway. 

“Art is never finished, only abandoned.”

–Leonardo da Vinci

It is when we decide to abandon our work that it’s good enough to ship. Some work will be better than others; some days you will struggle.

But you are an artist, and artists create.

You will never feel that what you produce is good enough. It’s called “The Resistance”. Your amygdala – the “fight or flight” part of your brain – is telling you to run and hide to avoid being criticized or judged. 

It is wrong. Don’t listen to it. Ship your work anyway. Don’t procrastinate because you don’t think it’s perfect (it never will be). 

Don’t let the definition of “perfection” become your definition of “good enough.” That way leads only to frustration and regret. 

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by Nathan Coumbe

Fear Accompanies Us On All Our Exciting Adventures

Something I’ve been working on a lot during my deep dive into creativity and self-awareness is dealing with fear. It’s always there, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been able to find a way to get rid of it.

What I have learned, however, is simple: feel the fear…then act anyway. 

There Is No Danger…

Almost nothing we do in modern life is actually dangerous – it just feels dangerous, and our amygdala tells us to run as fast as we can in the other direction. Making a cold call, sending out batches of promo materials to prospective employers, sitting in an interview…none of these things are dangerous. They just feel dangerous.

Jumping out of a plane with no parachute is dangerous; driving while wearing a blindfold is dangerous.

Trying something new where you may be told no? That’s not dangerous.

Action Overcomes Fear

I’ve decided to feel the fear, and act anyway. First, it was making a phone call to get contact information for someone in charge of a job I desperately wanted to take. Then it was beginning the sales process of promoting myself to that person. Today, it was reaching out to an old contact – a professor at a local college – about working for her in her program.

Each time, I felt tremendous fear, then did the thing that scared me anyway Euphoria followed fear, then the fear melted away. 

And so far, 2 out of the 3 times, it has paid off. The person I called was incredibly kind and more than happy to give me the information I was seeking (why was I so scared?).

The contact at the college was very positive in her response (again, why was I so scared?).

And the third person? Well, I’m not done selling myself to him yet.

What is, and was, the worst that any of them could say? No? That’s not scary or dangerous. It just means I’ve got to try something else.

Win or Learn

But the best part of all this? If I act and succeed, then I win! If I act and fail, I STILL WIN! How? Because I did something that scared me, which makes it easier to do it again next time in a different situation. Because I’m exercising the muscle of action in the face of fear. Because I’m not basing my self-worth over how other people feel about me, what they say about me, or whether or not they say yes to my proposal. I don’t feel the need for that approval anymore – it’s just a happy bonus if I get it. 

I will quote Susan Jeffers at length here:

“We cannot escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures…Take a risk a day – one small or bold stroke that will make you feel great once you have done it.”

–Susan Jeffers

I’ve decided to make fear my companion on this adventure called life. I hope you will too.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Art and plumbing are more similar than you think

Zig Ziglar relates a story in one of his talks about a man traveling through Native American tribes early in the 20th Century. What the man discovered was not a single person he encountered in those tribes stuttered. 

This phenomenon fascinated him, but he could never find a reason why. Finally, he asked one of the elders in the tribe why this was so. The elder informed the man there was no word in their native language for “stutter.” 

No label, no problem. 

In a fantastic article in The New Yorker, the author writes about the phenomenon known as “writer’s block.” What’s most interesting is this problem is not world-wide. The idea did not penetrate Europe until the 1800s, and even today, most Europeans don’t know what it is. It seems to be almost strictly an American issue. 

No label, no problem. If you don’t have a way to identify something as a problem, it can’t be a problem. 

We are all creative at something. We don’t get blocked: we get scared that what we create isn’t good enough. We feel there is some ethereal muse that must speak to us before we can make anything worthwhile. 

That’s crap.

Seth Godin has, what I believe to be, the most profound podcast episode I’ve ever listened to called “No such thing (as writer’s block).” One of my favorite sayings in the episode is this: “plumbers don’t get plumber’s block.” No plumber says he’s feeling too overwhelmed or uncreative enough to fix a pipe. They just fix the pipe. Surgeons don’t wait until they hear the muse speak to them to operate – they practice their craft every day and perform when it’s time to perform. 

Your art, whether it’s writing, music, painting, communicating, or leading people, is a craft – it’s a trade! Like blacksmithing, welding, or some other trade, it’s something that you learn, practice each day, and use to make something. 

If you’re a writer – write! Every day. Write something. Set a timer for 30 minutes and write. If you can’t think of what to write, write “I can’t think of anything to write,” over and over again until a new thought pops into your head. When that thought pops into your head, write it down too. Don’t worry about it making sense, being fantastic, or winning a literary prize. Just write. 

Insert your own art into the statement above and adapt it to your own situation. 

You aren’t blocked – you’re scared. Don’t wait for the muse. Do your work. 

It’s a trade like any other. 

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by Nathan Coumbe

How to get into the Hall of Fame

What does it take for a Major League Baseball player to earn a spot in the MLB Hall of Fame?

It takes failure.

Not a little bit of failure – it requires failing almost two-thirds of the time.

The best baseball players who’ve ever played the sport only average a hit 3 out of 10 times they come up to bat. That means they fail at their job 7 out of 10 times. And yet we still regard them as the best.

Why then, in our own lives, do we strive so hard to avoid failure at any cost? What if the avoidance of failure is preventing us from succeeding at a level that would cause us to stand out from the pack?

We don’t learn how to succeed through books, lectures, or seminars – we learn through failure, the greatest teacher of all. The books and seminars can help us avoid mistakes committed by others who’ve walked the path before us, but we have to fail on our own, in our own way, to find what works and what doesn’t.

To paraphrase Seth Godin in his webinar a few days ago: success requires time and failure.

Failing not only teaches you lessons from which you can improve, it also makes you more resilient to future failures. Each time you fail, you build a reserve for the future, which grows your confidence and allows you to try bigger and better things the next time. It’s a cycle that only spirals up.

What could you do in your life where you would consider batting .300 to be Hall of Fame-worthy success?

Don’t fear failure – fear never taking the chance of doing something great.

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by Nathan Coumbe

What are you afraid of?

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he could do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”

–Henry Ford

In what areas do you doubt yourself?

What is the resistance telling you right now you cannot do?

Write it down; call it what it is. “Notice and name” as the folks over at Precision Nutrition like to say.

Don’t judge yourself; don’t feel guilty. Just say what it is. Then start asking why.

Why are you afraid?

You might find the answer surprising…you might also find that you have no answer and, perhaps, no reason to fear.

What one thing could you do right now to move away from the fear? What change do you desperately want to make but are too afraid to take the first step?

You can do it.