Tag / communication

by Nathan Coumbe

Writing changes how we speak

I sent my mom a hilarious video the other day. One portion contained tons of Gen Z slang she didn’t understand. 

Now, me being a millennial, I knew what it all meant (even though I don’t use it myself). She asked me to translate, so I did. 

Now, as hysterical as this scenario sounds, it actually brought up a good point. 

Members of Gen Z speak the way they text rather than texting the way they speak (which is what us “old folks” do).

Nearly everything said is a shorthand for something else… because it’s faster to type the slang or shorthand than it is to write out the word or sentence. 

Now, even though my generation had AIM (that’s AOL Instant Messenger for you youngsters), Napster, MySpace, and the like, we never adopted shorthand as a way of speaking in person. I would argue that’s because only a small portion of our communication happened in shorthand using this technology. 

We spent most of our time hanging out in real life, talking on the phone, chatting in class (and being punished for it). In short, most of our communication was through spoken, rather than written, word.

But since Gen Z was the first generation to grow up with the ubiquity of cell phones and social media (rather than having it introduced later in life like it was for Millennials), it’s completely changed the way they communicate. 

A huge majority of their time is spent “writing” in the since that they are using written communication in some form. 

Texting. Messaging. Making Reels and TikToks. Creating snippets of text on SnapChat.

Which brings me back to the original point of this post. 

Language changes as writing changes, so writing changes how we speak. 

It’s a fact of history: our vocabularies expanded exponentially because we started writing things down. And the more we wrote down, the more clarity we were able (and needed) to create about what we were trying to say.

So when you spend all day writing as your main form of communication, the spoken language changes to reflect your writing.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Would you sign your name to it?

There’s an old saying among lawyers:

“If a man is willing to say it, he ought to be willing to put it on paper and sign his name beside it.”

There’s a great episode of “Parks and Recreation” where Ron Swanson gets a typewriter. He then proceeds to type letters to countless people with whom he takes issue. 

And he signs his name at the bottom. Even better, when they confront him (in person), he stands by what he said in his letter.

Social media has given us anonymity and the seeming ability to comment (often cruelly and brutally) without fear of consequences. We say things we’d never have the courage to say to a person’s face. 

So, the next time you plan on being an asshole in semi-public, ask yourself:

Would you sign your name to it? Would you be like Ron Swanson?

by Nathan Coumbe

Are personality tests preventing you from being yourself?

If you’re like most people in the United States, you’ve taken at least one personality assessment at some point in your life.

DiSC. Myers-Briggs. StrengthsFinder. Enneagram. There are too many to name, but I’ll bet you’ve taken at least one.

On the DiSC profile, I’m a CSI, with an extremely high C. That means I tend to be:

  • Analytical
  • Slow to make decisions
  • Precise & detail-oriented
  • A rigid rule-follower

And I can attest that all of those things are 100% true about me.

But because I’m so rigid, I tend to take everything that I learn as a rule that can’t be broken.

For example, when I get “career results” back about what I’m ideally suited for, I instantly assume those are the only jobs I can do. It’s how my personality works.

So when the field of marketing was nowhere to be seen in my “ideal” careers, I immediately wrote it off as something not worth looking into.

Even though I was fascinated by marketing…

Even though I wanted to learn how to do it ethically, with a service-oriented style…

Even though I could use it to help make the world a better place. To help other people start and grow successful businesses…

But I couldn’t! Because a personality test told me so.

Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?

Personality tests are great for:

  • Developing self-awareness
  • Understanding your natural tendencies
  • Learning about your strengths and weaknesses
  • Discovering how best to relate to other people

But they do not define who you are or what you can do.

If anything, they help you learn how you would do certain things.

So now, years later, I’m involved in marketing—doing it and teaching it to others on a regular basis. And I do it in an analytical, detail-oriented, service-to-others way.

Remember that personality tests are tools, nothing more. One of my mentors, Ashley Logsdon, put it this way:

“Never make the profile bigger than the person.”

They aren’t supposed to define what you do, but HOW you do them.

This is just one of the many conversations going on in the 48 Days Eagles Entrepreneur group during our Monday Mentor Calls.

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by Nathan Coumbe

“But why is no one listening to me?”

You are having an argument with your spouse, and she doesn’t understand your point of view, no matter how much you push it.

Your children won’t do anything that you ask them to do. They won’t engage or communicate with you; they shut down every time you try to talk to them.

You are writing blogs and posts, but no one is reading or responding to them.

You’ve created a product that will change lives, but no one is buying it.

Naturally, you ask the question:

“Why is no one listening to me?”

You feel you are doing everything right. You have the right ideas or the right argument; you know more than your children; this product is truly amazing and has revolutionized the way you see and do things. And yet, no one is listening. No one is engaging. No one is buying.

Why?

Because you aren’t listening to them.

The only way to get others to listen to you, to engage with you, to buy from you, is to listen to them and understand their points of view, their wants, and their needs.

If you bludgeon people over the head with your arguments and ideas, they won’t accept them; they don’t have the same ideas, the same noise inside their heads. They are telling themselves different stories. The key to being listened to, to making an impact, is to understand those other stories.

You don’t have to agree with them, but you do have to listen to and understand them. When people feel understand, when they feel heard, when they know that you see them and their side of things, they feel more open to hearing what you have to say.

“Seek first to understand, then be understood.”

–Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

No one is listening to you because you aren’t listening to them.

Your spouse won’t listen to your side of the argument because all you are thinking of is your side of the argument.

Your children won’t listen to your advice and guidance – even though you probably do know more and understand more than they do – because they don’t feel like you understand them, how they feel, or the narrative in their heads.

No one is buying your stuff because as awesome as it is, they don’t get how it will benefit them or how it will make them feel once they use it. Why? Because you didn’t take the time to understand what they want or how they want to feel.

Understand

To influence someone, you must open yourself to the possibility of being influenced by the other person. This means creating a feeling of understanding in the other person. This is not meant to be manipulative: you must genuinely want to understand the other person. Also, people can tell if you are simply trying to manipulate them rather than understand them.

Listen to what your spouse wants; listen to how your children feel; listen to the needs and frustrations of your customers.

Understanding must always come first; otherwise you’ll fail.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Paradigm shift

We would all like to believe that we are objective and see things as they really are.

We would all be lying if we actually believe we view things as they really are.

Stephen Covey wrote, “the way we see the problem is the problem.” One of his teachings was that we do not see the world as it is, but as we are. When something happens that causes us to see something in a new light, it’s called a paradigm shift.

I had one this morning:

I was driving to work and angry. I had been angry since the previous evening. Things had happened that were unplanned and unexpected, and I had hit my limit. I was at a point where I was essentially forcing my point of view on another person.

Then while I was driving, I used that wonderful human power of self-awareness to look at myself and my actions as if from an outsider’s perspective. I realized that, while I felt I was right and justified in how I was feeling and behaving, I was communicating to someone very close to me that I loved them conditionally.

I never said it, but my behaviors and actions were conveying a message:

“I will love you if you do things my way.”

That realization bowled me over: love is never supposed to be conditional. Once I had made the realization that I was unintentionally communicating this feeling, my whole frame of mind changed. I started to see the problem differently. I immediately apologized and let this person know that my love for them came without strings.

But words alone are not enough; anyone can say what I said. I had to go a step further and make it true.

I wasn’t just saying that would love unconditionally: I actually had to change myself and my feelings on the issue at hand. I had to genuinely accept that I was okay with a certain decision being made, even if I thought it was the wrong one.

That view, that I thought it was the wrong decision, was the problem itself. I realized that it was a decision, not a wrong decision; it was being made from a different point of view than my own. I had to genuinely accept the possibility of an outcome that I didn’t like because my relationship with another person was more important to me than getting my way.

This is one of the secrets to good living: look at the problem you are experiencing as if you were a stranger coming upon the scene. Imagine yourself as a third person looking in at an interaction between yourself and another.

To paraphrase Dr. Covey: how you see the problem is the problem.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Solve interesting problems

One of my passions, and pain points, is the state of modern education in the US. Everyone knows that it’s not working well: children are leaving schools, both public and college-level, less prepared for careers than ever before.

The reason is simple: schools are operating on outdated modes of education in which students are taught to sit still, obey, memorize lots of information, regurgitate it on a test, and then promptly forget everything they just memorized.

The creative ones, the wiggle worms, speakers, artists, drawers, engineers – they are all stifled in the name of obedience. Yes, I realize that to have 35 kids in a classroom, you can’t have them all doing their own weird and wacky things, but answer this question for me:

When was the last time you got paid to regurgitate information on a standardized test?

What is school for? Seth Godin asks this question often. I believe the answer should be to educate and prepare children and young adults to create, innovate, contribute, and solve interesting problems for society. It is not about asking, “Will this be on the test?”

None of the “tests” you face in real life are multiple choice, with answers you found in a textbook and memorized only to forget them a hour later. When an irate customer is standing in front of you, there is no clear, right answer. There is an answer that might make things better or not; it’s up to you to figure that out.

When a new idea is dropped on your desk by a leader, you have to collaborate with your team, find and utilize resources, synthesize information, and come up with a solution for the project. How is memorizing a bunch of unrelated information that is kept separate from other information in the spirit of division called “subjects” helpful in this regard?

Why not instead teach people how to solve interesting problems? Teach how to find answers to questions on their own, how to create connections between information across varying fields and periods of time, how to think, and more importantly, how to learn when formal education stops.

Greg McKeown triggered this train of thought for me in his book Essentialism when he wrote the following:

“What if schools eliminated busywork and replaced it with important projects that made a difference to the whole community? What if all students had time to think about their highest contribution to their future so that when they left high school they were not just starting on the race to nowhere?”

Greg McKeown, Essentialism

The Industrial Age in the United States has ended; factory work is quickly becoming a thing of the past, as much as parts of our culture want to hang on to it. Our schools cannot continue teaching in the same mold as as they used to, when everyone eventually went to work on an assembly line. Employers no longer need cogs in machines; they need creative thinkers and problem-solvers equipped with the skills of communication, collaboration, analysis, leadership, and learning (yes, it is a skill).

In short, we need to teach people how to solve interesting problems.

by Nathan Coumbe

Don’t label everything

Some of you may have read my post the other day about “Trump Straws.” This is a short follow-up to that particular post, so I hope you’ll forgive me as the historian comes out to write.

There was a time in the United States where concern over waste was of the utmost importance. Granted, plastic wasn’t the issue of the time – the United States was fighting a horrid war against the Empire of Japan and Nazi Germany. This fight required ammunition, tanks, vehicles, guns, and food. It was a time of total war, and the American citizenry was asked to help fight that war by…can you guess?

Reducing waste!

The US government called on its people to hold drives for scrap metal, to grow their own food in “Victory Gardens,” to live on ration cards which severely limited what one could buy at the grocery store. Even bacon grease was of vital importance – (save the bacon grease to help make ammunition)! These were the days when Coca-Cola bottles could be recycled for a few cents, when the milk man picked up your old glass bottles rather than having them broken and discarded in a trash heap.

We are not in a state of total war today; the government is not asking us to help fight anyone or anything by recycling and reducing waste. I simply wanted to point out in this post that at one point, it was quite an American thing to do. So let’s stop labeling things as “liberal” and “conservative” simply to inflame people who we see as “the others.” Let us bring civil discussion and disagreement back to our society.

We need civility and open communication more than we need anything else. Quit letting mass media and politicians pull us apart.

Please.