Tag / be proactive

by Nathan Coumbe

Discipline isn’t much better…

I’m a huge fan of establishing disciplines. But for all the people who say, “It’s so much better to rely on than motivation,” I would say… “nah.”

Discipline really isn’t much better than motivation. With the latter, you’re waiting to feel “good” about something you want or need to do before you do it. With the former, you’re often making yourself feel bad because you haven’t done it yet, so you rely on beating yourself up until you do the thing.

The problem is there’s an initial sense of inertia. Which came first—the chicken or the egg? Or in this case, the motivation or the action?

The answer is, of course, the action. Motivation, the feeling, comes after we take the action or do the thing that we want to do. You actually have to do the thing to feel good about it, not wait around until you feel like it.

But that Catch-22 (you have to do the thing before you feel like doing the thing) is what stops most people. “I want to do the thing, but I don’t feel like it. But I know I have to do it before I’ll feel like it…”

Sometimes, just the realization that you won’t feel like doing it until you do it is enough to help them get over the initial resistance.

For others, they might need a nudge, or guidance, or a coach to help them get the ball rolling.

Regardless of what you need, just know that you can’t really rely on discipline or motivation. But you can rely on a plan and your own awesomeness.

In case you missed it: I added a new page to my blog where you can contact me to discuss coaching to help you with this exact kind of issue.

Check it out here!

by Nathan Coumbe

You can’t control the weather. You CAN wear a coat.

Seth Godin wrote on Medium that knowing what the weather forecast is give us the illusion of being able to control it. 

Of course that’s not true. 

We seek control in our lives and settle for these illusions without actually being able to do anything about it. 

You can’t control whether or not it’ll snow, but you can prepare by putting on coats and boots.

You can’t control whether or not it’ll rain, but you can stick an umbrella in the car just in case. 

You can’t control whether or not a post you write will go viral. But you can write the post and ship it. And if it doesn’t, you can write another one tomorrow. 

In short, if you want to control something, you can control yourself. Your actions, reactions, words. 

But that’s all you can control. 

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by Nathan Coumbe

If you want to be a teacher…

Teach. 

Make videos. Write blog posts and articles. 

Host a workshop or a live social media “conference”.

Teach what you’re learning and you’ll get better at it. 

It’s a practice. And you don’t need permission.

(Though it helps if you know what you’re talking about.) 

The same holds true for just about any other practice or identity you wish to adopt.

“Just do it” isn’t a slogan reserved only for Nike.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Why not you?

Why can’t you organize a study group to work through a difficult Udemy course?

Why can’t you pick yourself to be a successful musician (rather than waiting for a record company to do it)?

Why can’t you organize a petition to get an environmental ordnance passed through your local government?

Why can’t you start that small marketing agency on the side and build it up to your full time gig?

Why can’t you throw together a fundraiser to help a down-on-her-luck mom keep her house for a year?

Why can’t you coach someone else to help improve their health and well-being?

You don’t need another credential. You don’t need permission.

You just need the skill… and the desire to act.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Drowning it out

Maybe that’s what it’s for. 

The endless hours of “Seinfeld” reruns…

The mindless doom scrolling on Instagram. 

There’s something inside you that wants to get out—an idea, a business, a work of art. And it’s just too difficult to get started.

Not difficult — terrifying. 

So you choose to drown it out. 

Is that fair to the rest of us?

What’s the first step?

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by Nathan Coumbe

Your dying day

We are all mortal, which means all of us will die someday. That’s obvious.

But there are a few questions we don’t know the answer to, such as…

How long will that be?

How miserable will our dying be?

But there are some other, less depressing questions we can ask as well. And they happen to be questions we can answer on a daily basis…

How did I make life less difficult for others?

How did I influence things for the better?

Better to focus on what you can act on rather than worrying about the unknowns.

by Nathan Coumbe

Choices

Almost everything that’s ever happened in your life has been the result of a choice.

A lot of it has happened because of your own personal choices.

But even those things that have happened to you completely and totally outside of your control have usually resulted from a choice…

Someone else’s choice in that case. And it created circumstances, good or bad, that affected you.

Interesting, and quite sad, to think about.

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by Nathan Coumbe

It Might Not All Work Out…

We have the definition of optimism wrong.

We think optimism means believing that everything will work out for the best. Over time and on its own.

That’s not true. Plenty of awful things happen whether we’re optimistic or not.

“Well geez, Nathan! You’re obviously a pessimist with that outlook.”

No, actually, I’m quite optimistic. Because I realize that I’m the creative force in my life. I’m the driver of my own destiny.

As long as I’m alive, I have the chance to make something good happen.

Optimism isn’t simply believing that everything is going to be alright: it’s believing that whatever happens, you can make the best of it.

So if you’re reading this, you’re still breathing. And that means you can make the best out of whatever situation you’re in.

That is true optimism.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Holding Others Accountable Is an Act of Respect

I am in the second week of a leadership course created by FranklinCovey based on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.*

This week’s topic is Habit 1: Be Proactive. For those of you unfamiliar with the 7 Habits, the first habit is about personal responsibility. It posits that we are the creative force in our own lives. We can choose how we respond to stimuli in the world, and these choices drastically alter our results.

One statement this morning stood out more than others:

“Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning; it is affirming.”

—Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

We show respect when we refuse to let others blame circumstances for their situations. Holding others responsible tells them “you are where you are because of the choices you’ve made.” 

At the same time, we are communicating another message:

“You can make choices now that can lead you to a better situation.”

Of course, our environmental factors must be taken into account. Outside, uncontrollable forces definitely influence our lives. Our upbringing, sex, gender, or socioeconomic status can make things easier or harder. But they do not determine our lives! 

Each of us has within us what Viktor Frankl calls “the last of the human freedoms.” We can choose our response to any stimulus. It may not seem like much to you, but this idea was incredibly liberating to me. 

“Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.”

Show another person respect. Let them know they have the power to choose. 

When you choose, you change things.

*If you want to level up your leadership skills, and earn an industry-recognized certification in the process, check out FranklinCovey’s LeaderU courses at leaderu.us.

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by Nathan Coumbe

What Successful People Do Differently

You’ve probably looked at someone who was in great shape and thought to yourself, “Man, I wish I could be like him.” 

Maybe this thought crossed your mind soon after: “If I really enjoyed hours at the gym and grilled chicken and broccoli every night for dinner, I’d be fit too.”

Here’s the thing – fit people don’t necessarily enjoy spending 3-4 hours a week at the gym or eating simple, similar meals over and over again. It’s not a matter of enjoyment. 

What they do is subordinate their cravings, emotions, and desires to a higher value system they establish for themselves. 

People who are successful at anything do the same thing. Albert E. Gray said it best when he wrote:

“The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don’t like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”

–Albert E. Gray

“Whoever said this was going to be easy?”

One of the most important lessons I learned from Dr. John Berardi of Precision Nutrition is that when making change for your health and fitness goals, you are going to be tired; you are going to be hungry sometimes; you are going to be in a crabby mood and not want to do what is good for you. His response: “whoever said this was going to be easy?”

Successful people, whether they are successful in health or fitness, or successful in their families and careers, are just like you and me. They have the same cravings, the same desire to say “screw it all” or “I don’t want to do that” or “I’m scared I might fail/they might laugh at me/they might say no.” The only difference is they make the choice to act anyway. 

They are able to do this because they want something more than the resistance is telling them they want in this very moment. They begin with the end in mind and act proactively, rather than living in and for the moment, reacting to whatever whim, craving, or feeling comes their way during any given moment. 

This way of living–of choosing to do things that failures don’t want to do–can all be traced back to fundamental principles of effective living. They are embodied clearly and coherently in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. Successful people subordinate their fears and momentary desires to values, principles, and a desired end-goal. They “begin with the end in mind” as Dr. Covey writes in the chapter about Habit 2. 

They don’t WANT to do it either.

A successful sales person probably doesn’t want to make another cold call and face the very real possibility of rejection. But she does it anyway because the end she has in mind might be a full sales pipeline, a good income to support her family, or the growth of her business (perhaps all three and more). She’s just as scared as anyone else; she still feels the butterflies in her stomach when she dials the number; but she chooses to act rather than react to the feelings of the moment. 

You are a successful person already because you have the ability to do this with every task, project, and goal in your life. Realize that it’s all a matter of choice based on the end-result you desire. Envision the end you want to achieve, hold it in your mind in the moment of choice, and make decisions based on which outcomes get you closer to the end you want.

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