Category / proactivity

by Nathan Coumbe

What is failure to you?

If you try something new, you might fail.

Why is that such a debilitating statement? Unless you are attempting to leap between two buildings or run past a speeding car on the interstate, our failures are rarely fatal.

Yet we are paralyzed by the thought of failing at a new side hustle, of being rejected when asking for a date, or of failing at the new hobby we have never before tried.

If being proactive means choosing how one respond’s to a situation, then we can fail proactively. You can look at failure as a reason to never again attempt something, or you can look at it as simply one way the new thing won’t work.

Thomas Edison tried 10,000 ways to make a lightbulb before he found the way that worked. He saw each failure, not as a discouragement to trying again, but as a stepping stone to success.

Choose to see failure as a learning experience and you will only ever improve the next time.

by Nathan Coumbe

What makes you uncomfortable?

Resiliency is a skill that can be developed through practice. The first step is choosing to practice. 

What makes you uncomfortable? The answer to that question will help determine where to start.

I hate asking people to make special accommodations for me: I always feel I am inconveniencing the other person (I rarely am), or that I am being a very annoying customer (if they think so, that’s their choice). So when my wife and I started to drastically reduce our waste production, I was uncomfortable with some of the suggestions she made. 

A story…

My favorite example took place at our local Mexican restaurant: they have delicious salsa that we would buy in large tubs to take home and use during the week. These tubs were made of styrofoam and had plastic lids. My wife suggested that I take one of our many empty glass jars and ask for salsa to be placed inside. I was so reluctant, so uncomfortably scared to simply ask. It felt dangerous, even though the worst thing that could happen was to receive no as an answer. No danger at all, but my mind made it feel dangerous.

After numerous arguments (I was scared, remember?), I grudgingly went to the restaurant and made the request. The host looked at me curiously, but he acquiesced and placed the salsa in our jar. He even went a step further and informed me that there were no preservatives in the salsa; it would only keep for a week or so. A wave of relief washed over me. 

But wait! 

The next week, when I went back for more salsa, there was a sign on the front counter. 

“$2.99 jars of salsa to go. Bring the jar back for a $0.99 refill.”

The host, who was also the manager, bought a stock of small glass jars and decided to sell them. He was actively encouraging people to reuse the jars while also proactively choosing to reduce the waste his restaurant produced. 

By choosing (i.e. being forced by my incredible wife) to do something that made me uncomfortable, my wife and I achieved one of our small waste reduction goals. But the most inspiring thing was the change it created in someone else. 

Seek out discomfort in all areas of your life. It makes you stronger mentally. Discomfort in the gym makes you stronger physically. 

Other people avoid discomfort, which means you will be doing things others won’t. The intersection of discomfort and action creates change the world desperately needs. 

Change makes things better. Seeking out discomfort makes things better. 

What makes you uncomfortable?

Go do that.

by Nathan Coumbe

Proactivity and resilience go hand in hand

Resilience is the ability to rebound from challenges, setbacks, and crises. When something happens, a resilient person is seemingly less affected by the event than a non-resilient person (not true). 

Is someone born resilient? Doubtful. 

Resiliency is a skill; it can be practiced and improved. It can be practiced by consciously choosing how to respond to a challenge, setback, or crisis. The effects of the event may indeed be negative: they might be seriously damaging to mind, body, or spirit. But that most fundamental human right, that of proactivity and the ability to choose, cannot be taken away by a negative event. 

Resiliency, therefore, is practicing proactive responses in the face of negative events. It can mitigate the long-term effects of a difficult situation.

Is it easy? Of course not.

Is it necessary? More than ever. It will make you stronger.

Choose how you respond; become more resilient.

by Nathan Coumbe

Your lens determines your reality

Imagine you are looking through a telescope. Is what you are seeing actually how the world looks?

What if the lens had a crack in it? The image is now distorted, but is reality actually cracked? Of course not.

Imagine a friend is looking through another telescope, and you are are both looking at the same thing. What if her lens had a higher zoom or some filter on it which changed the color? Or perhaps your friend has a degenerative eye disorder which makes it difficult to see. 

Would the two of you disagree on what you were seeing? 

Yet we do it every single day.

Each of us walks around using different lenses to see the world. Two perfectly rational people can look at the same issue and have completely different opinions about the “reality” of the issue. Stephen Covey would call these lenses paradigms — different ways of seeing the world. 

Why does this matter?

We can only become truly effective when we realize that our ideas and opinions are not the only ways, the correct ways, to see the world. Seth Godin talks about each person having her own unique noise in her head. What she wants is different from what you want, at least in some minuscule way. Sometimes that way is vastly different from yours. 

If, for example, you wanted to sell something to someone – an idea, a widget, or a plan – you would need to talk about it from the other person’s point of view. That person doesn’t care how you feel about it; they only want to know what it will do for them. We are selfish that way.

Be proactive when speaking with someone: consciously try to see the world through her lens.

Imagine a world where each person sought to understand the other person before arguing.

by Nathan Coumbe

Cats and proactivity

I have a cat. His name is Jack. Captain Jack Sparrow, if you want the full name.

Jack is the most annoying cat in the world.

If you go into a different room, he will sit outside the door and scream at you. “MerEYOWWWWWWwwwwwwwwww” or something like that. Over and over again until you return to the room in which he is sitting or you let him inside with you.

He beats up his sisters without mercy.

He went through a phase at 3 years old where he peed on the floor in front of our couch if my wife didn’t come home by a certain hour.

He scratches the paint off doors; eats expensive cables like they are spaghetti noodles; chews up the beater on my bass drum pedal; and just this morning, we discovered he had destroyed a set of blinds.

He also loves my wife unconditionally and makes her very happy.

For the first few years we had Jack, I would get visibly angry with him when he misbehaved. He knew it, too, and he never liked me as much as my wife.

However, since I started my deep dive into being a more effective and proactive individual, however, I have noticed a change.

I came to the conclusion that while what he did was very frustrating, I was choosing to react in a very negative manner which upset me and made him unappy with me. I was choosing to yell, to stamp my feet in anger, to curse the day we adopted him. What good did it do?

When I implemented “be proactive” into my life, I began with Jack. I lived by the idea that there is a space between stimulus and response where I could choose how I would react.

Now, when Jack misbehaves, I put him in time out – not with anger or scare tactics, but by simply picking him up and putting him into his room.

I feel better, Jack feels better. Now, he crawls up and falls asleep on my chest when I’m trying to take a nap on the couch, purring all the while.

Here’s my point:

You get to decide how a certain stimulus affects you. You cannot choose the consequence of the stimulus; I could not choose whether or not the blinds got broken when Jack climbed behind them. That was a natural consequence. But there are also natural consequences to my response:

  • I did not begin my day with negative emotions and stress.
  • My wife does not begin her day with negative emotions and stress, and our relationship is improved.
  • Jack knows that he misbehaved, but he also won’t run away from me when I return later today. He will instead greet me at the door with screeching and purring.

Something else you should know – since I began reacting better to Jack’s antics, his behavior has changed. He is less destructive, less abusive to his sisters, and less whiny.

Or perhaps, I just don’t notice it as much because of how I choose to respond.

If being proactive works with cats, how well do you think it will work with your human relationships?

by Nathan Coumbe

What does it mean to “be proactive”?

If practiced regularly, the ideas behind these two words will change your life. 

To be proactive means to take responsibility and initiative in your life. 

Being proactive means making a choice; it is the most fundamental human right we have. Stephen R. Covey truly understood this when he read the words of Victor Frankl:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Frankl himself was a prisoner of Nazi Germany during the Holocaust: he lost his wife and most of his family in the concentration camps. In one of the most degrading situations in which a human could find himself, he realized that he still had the power to choose how he responded to his tormentors and imprisonment. 

Even if everything was taken away from you – your health, your money, your freedom – you would still have the power of choice. 

You might ask how Frankl could still have had freedom when everything was taken away. The answer is that he had freedom within his own mind – he could choose how he responded to the events in his life, however horrible.

Each of us has within us the power to choose how we react. If there is a rough situation at work, an angry customer, or a disappointed spouse, there is still a split second in which you can decide how you will respond. 

Response-ability –– your ability to respond appropriately. 

How will you take responsibility for yourself today?

P.S. I highly recommend you pick up a copy of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and read the first few chapters, especially the chapter entitled “Be Proactive.” You will be amazed at the changes you experience in your everyday interactions.

by Nathan Coumbe

The one book I wish I had read before college…

I have decided that this blog will be dedicated to helping others live a more effective, curious, and creative life. To that end, I believe we should start with basic and universal principles of living a good life. There is one book I wish I had read before I began college: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen R. Covey.

I first read the book when I was a junior at the University of Southern Mississippi, but I did not take it seriously. I simply believed I had more important obligations. Little did I know that had I practiced the fundamental principles contained within the book, I would have achieved more than I could have dreamed at 24 years old.

These are the seven habits:

  1. Be proactive.
  2. Begin with the end in mind.
  3. Put first things first.
  4. Think win-win.
  5. Seek first to understand, then be understood.
  6. Synergize.
  7. Sharpen the saw.

I will be exploring these in-depth in future posts. I hope that you will be inspired to live a more effective life as you follow along.

by Nathan Coumbe

Show up because it’s the right thing to do

Show up.

Every single day.

Just do it. (Sorry Nike).

This may sound like I’m trying to get you to go crush it at the gym, but I am not.

Whatever you feel called to do, however you feel called to do it, it will not happen unless you show up and do the work.

That may mean writing blog posts every single day whether or not the muse speaks to you. It may mean coaching an employee even if it isn’t a requirement of your job. It might mean practicing your instrument or drawing a quick sketch, even if you don’t feel inspired or if you’ve drawn something like it ten times before.

Showing up, getting your idea out into the world, helping just one other person simply by being there…it isn’t just good for you – it’s the right thing to do.

You never know when your work will get noticed; you just have to keep producing.

Show up. Because it is right.

by Nathan Coumbe

What are you afraid of?

Why haven’t you started yet? Why have you not launched your side-hustle? Or started tackling that new skill you need to get a new career?

Is it really the fear of failure? If you start a side-hustle and it fails, who cares? You didn’t lose your job. You aren’t out on the streets.

If you try to learn a new skill and find that you are completely uninterested or you don’t have a knack for it, why does that matter? What has it cost you? Absolutely nothing.

So is it failure that scares us, or something else?

Maybe the reality is we don’t feel like we are good enough. We feel like phonies, that if we put something out there, people will see us as such – that we are not experts. We are simply amateurs, and they might scoff at us.

Or maybe it’s the actual shipping of your idea or work that scares you. Because in order to make it work, in order to get it started, you have to tell someone about it. You have to try and get someone to bite.

And they might say no.

Why does this terrify us? It’s just one person, or two, or ten. But you only need one person to say yes in order to get the ball rolling.

And if no one says yes, then make better work, make different work, until someone says yes.

Ask yourself today what you are really afraid of, then see it for what it is and act.

by Nathan Coumbe

The Weasleys: two sides of the passion coin

One of my all-time favorite literary creations is the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling. It is a story that grew up at the same time I did, and it still brings me great joy today. Because I know it so well, and because it doesn’t overstimulate my mind as I am trying to wind down, I tend to read it before bed. While reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, I was struck by the inadvertent focus on passions in the first few chapters.

Two different ideals on passion are illustrated in the book. Arthur Weasley, the father of all the red-headed Weasleys, is obsessed with all-things Muggles. He “collects plugs,” and his wife thinks him crazy for it. The Weasley twins, Fred and George, are known far and wide for creating mischief and mayhem wherever they go. I want to unpack this a bit more.

Arthur Weasley has followed his passion (non-magic people) and made an entire career out of it. He works for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office in the Ministry of Magic, protecting the Muggles he loves from witches and wizards who would do them harm. His hobbies at home are all based around Muggle items, from cars to plugs and electricity. And yet, even though he has followed his passion, his family is impoverished.

Throughout the series, we are constantly reminded how little the Weasleys have because their father seemingly has no ambition. I don’t believe this is the case; he simply followed his passion down a deep rabbit hole without ever paying attention to how he could monetize his curiosity.

Career coach Dan Miller often talks about the three-legged stool model of work: for it to work well, there must be passion, talent, and a way to make money from it. Arthur has failed to build that third leg of the stool, and his family has suffered from it. This is by no means a warning against following your passions and talents; it is simply a reminder that you must pay attention to how you can make a living from them, or else you simply have a hobby.

Now let’s turn our attention to the Weasley twins. There is no doubt that they are brilliant witches and wizards. They hold their own plenty of times against other witches and wizards in combat. Not only that, but Hermione Granger herself comments at one point on how impressive and advanced their magic must be for their magical gag products to work.

They are obviously immensely creative and talented in their passions, which seem to be mischief-making and comedy. Yes, it gets them in trouble at school, but only because their school, like our own modern educational system, is a place to sit quietly, obey, and pass the end-of-year exams. Their mother, Molly, is constantly chastising them about not getting enough high exam marks, about causing too much trouble, about not being ambitious like their father and choosing comedy and invention over working for the Ministry.

How is that for irony? For one, government work, whether magical or not, has never been the most creative of workspaces, nor, in my experience, do many people in government tend to be overly ambitious and concerned with making a difference in, or leaving a mark on, the world. I find it fascinating how closely this relates to us in the real world. Our schools stifle creativity and individual differences among their students; we encourage them, not to pursue what they excel in, but to pursue what will pay well and be the “secure,” as if such a thing even exists anymore in the information age. We focus on improving everyone’s weaknesses to make everyone more like the average student, rather than focusing on strengths so that we can all stand out and achieve our unique purpose.

If the Weasley twins had followed their dad’s example, or their mother’s advice, they would never have lived up to their true potential. By book six, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the twins succeeded in creating Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, opening up a highly successful magical joke shop, and becoming fabulously wealthy in the process.

Let’s take a lesson from the Weasleys today. Have the focus of Arthur Weasley, but the ambition of Fred and George. I strongly encourage you to follow your curiosity wherever it leads. Ignore the naysayers, but keep in mind the idea of the three-legged stool; all three legs must be present or you only have a hobby, like Arthur Weasley. Find a way to monetize and maximize your obsession, and you will be successful beyond your wildest dreams.