Or return the call if you want to have them on voicemail.
We forget that one of those missed calls will be the last one we ever get from them.
If you recognize the number, it’s a good idea to pick up.
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Category / love
Love ends because life ends
The Stoics have a practice known as memento mori. It translates (loosely) to “remember you will die.”
I’ve thought of death just about every day that I can remember since I began to understand it as the ultimate destination of life.
But it became more real to me when I fell in love and got married. Because I realized a bittersweet truth:
I signed up for devastating grief.
My marriage was, eventually, going to end in death, either my own or my wife’s.***
And that’s a sobering thought. But it also serves as a constant reminder of just how wonderful love is. You can’t have one without the other.
All love, eventually, ends in sadness.
Teenagers break up. Adults get married, then someone dies… Or leaves. Family members lose each other slowly… Or sometimes all at once.
Ultimately, love ends because life ends.
But maybe that’s why it’s such a powerful element. Because we willingly dive headfirst into it knowing that it will end in the most painful way possible. One way or another.
I never really voiced this thought out loud until I came across this quote from Nick Cave:
“It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.”
And it’s totally worth it.
***For those of you who say, “But your marriage could also end in divorce!”, you clearly don’t know Theresa or me. 🤣
Would you sign your name to it?
There’s a great episode of Parks and Recreation where Ron Swanson gets a typewriter. Throughout the episode, he writes multiple open, honest letters to people and organizations whom he disagrees with.
At the end of the episode, you find out if he’s been signing his name to all these letters. He believes that if you believe in something strongly enough to write about it or say it to someone, you should stand by it.
Openly. Honestly.
The Internet, especially social media, is giving us the ability to do everything and say anything we want anonymously.
We can blog or create YouTube videos under a pseudonym. This can be a great thing for decent people trying to make things better but who are afraid of putting their work out under their real name.
But instead, this option has been abused by people who just want to vent, criticize, and abuse rather than help, serve, or improve. It’s created a growing group of people who just want to watch the world burn.
So today, I’m begging you: take a lesson from Ron Swanson. If you wouldn’t sign your name to it, you shouldn’t post it.
People stay where they grow
This is one of my favorite lines from Zig Ziglar.
But I want to talk about my own take on the idea:
People stay where they are nurtured.
A garden, when it’s planted, will only grow if regularly tended, watered, fertilized… In short, when it’s shown love and care.
People are the same way:
- They’ll stay with employers who help them grow
- They’ll stay with partners who love and cherish them
- They’ll engage with parents who show unconditional love and affection
But unlike plants, we have the ability to move on.
Plants, if not nurtured, wither and die. They’re stuck where they’re planted.
But humans can move on. We have the ability to uproot ourselves and move to more fertile ground if we aren’t getting what we need in our current situation.
We need to remember this when thinking of our relationships with others.
We don’t write eulogies for intelligence
Kindness matters much more than cleverness.
The world at large might remember you for your brains if you’re an Albert Einstein or a Katherine Johnson.
But the people who actually matter to you will remember you for how you made them feel.
Honestly, how many eulogies are written about a person’s brilliance? I’ve rarely (if ever) heard one.
At a funeral, loved ones share funny stories and tell of how they were loved and treated by the deceased.
Keep this in mind as you think about what’s truly important today.
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