Category / influence

by Nathan Coumbe

Motivation, management, and bathing

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily.”

–Zig Ziglar

You cannot read a book one time and consider yourself done with it. You have not learned it all or digested enough of it to make any difference in your life. The same is true of motivation – one speech will change your life, but only for a day. You must revisit and remind yourself daily of the message that so inspired you. You must practice it daily. 

I’ve found the same idea to be true of working with people in any sort of leadership or supervisory position. Managing people is also like bathing: you have to do it every day. 

I found myself in previous roles aggravated by having to remind people of the same tasks, duties, and responsibilities. In my mind, if I delegated something to someone, that should have been the end of it. It should have been taken care of from that point forward. 

It rarely was. I found myself constantly having to remind teammates to do this or remember that. This frustration had nothing to do with anyone’s  incompetence or irresponsibility and everything to do with my mindset. Managing people requires setting a goal and then helping your people along the path to that goal. They will not achieve it on their own with all the competing priorities set before them during a typical workday. It must be made fresh in their minds daily. Don’t let the need to remind your people daily of what you expect from them cause irritation or frustration on your part. It’s part of the job. 

The lesson for today is to bathe every day, motivate every day, and manage every day. 

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by Nathan Coumbe

If you build it, they (probably) won’t come.

The key in any endeavor from which you hope to profit, whether it’s creating a new product, learning a new skill, or starting a new service, is to first identify whether other people want what you are selling.

Contrary to the message in “Field of Dreams” (sorry, Kevin Costner), if you build or create something without first determining whether or not people want it, you probably won’t have anyone knocking down your door to get it.

Learning to be the best Fortran coding expert in the world is useless in today’s workplace because no one uses that coding language anymore. And don’t get upset if you spend 4 years learning puppetry only to find no one wants to pay you for it.

To make a living, you must serve other people. To serve other other people, you must find what people need.

You must determine what problems other people have and how you can solve them. Perhaps the need is to be entertained (in which case learning puppetry might actually be profitable for you, if you can find a way to market it). Perhaps the problem is a lack of clean water to drink.

Regardless of what you do, the key is to first identify what others want, then create something that serves that purpose. The customer must come first if you desire to profit.

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by Nathan Coumbe

You must develop these two skills

Writing and sales: if you want to be successful in anything, you must be able to do both well.

If you have an idea, you must communicate it to others; if you want it implemented in some way, you must persuade them.

Writing and sales.

If you want a new job, you have to let others know why you’re the applicant for them by first getting their attention and then persuading them of your worth and potential.

Writing and sales.

“Writing is organized thinking on behalf of persuasion.”

–Seth Godin

Writing helps you clarify your thoughts and communicate more clearly. You need it in every field in which you might work. Learn to write.

Parents, physicians, therapists, educators, and those in every other profession must win over those they serve–children, patients, students–to their way of thinking. Learn to sell.

Writing and sales: the most important skills of a modern worker.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Praise the good. Ignore the rest.

If you want to create lasting influence with others, or change for the better, there is really only one way to do it:

Praise the good.

“So long as a person did anything good, he would praise him and use him for the service in which he excelled, but to his other conduct he paid no attention…”

–Cassius Dio writing about Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius

When Emperor Marcus Aurelius wanted to influence other people, to reinforce the behaviors and actions he wanted to see, he would praise the person who did the good deed. This is actually quite Pavlovian in its execution.

Conditioning good behavior

Remember Pavlov from your introductory psychology class? Pavlov would ring a bell before he gave his dogs food; the food caused the dogs to salivate. Eventually the dogs associated the ringing bell with food and would salivate when the bell rang, even when Pavlov did not give them food.

Marcus essentially did the same thing with those in his service: whenever they did something of which he approved, he praised it. This constant reinforcement of the good conditioned his people to do more good work in the future. But there is a second part to Dio’s observation above…

Pay no attention to the rest

Not only did Marcus praise the good, he ignored the behavior and actions he didn’t want to continue. Why did he do this?

There is a wonderful little book who’s first chapter discusses this at length:

“Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”

–Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

How often have you had a positive outcome after you criticized someone for doing something? I would hazard a guess at 10%.

When you criticize someone, they get angry, defensive, and emotionally illogical. He or she will justify the action rather than accept that it was wrong. It’s a natural human response. We don’t like to be wrong, and we definitely don’t like other people pointing out our poor behavior.

Therefore, the only way to get the results you want from other people is to praise them when you seeing them do the good deeds you want done. Criticizing the bad doesn’t work: it only causes resentment.

“We are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures brisling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

–Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

(Of course, there are some behaviors that are dangerous, illegal, immoral, or that might harm others; these behaviors must be stopped immediately. Those sorts of behaviors are not the topic of discussion here.)

Be a model

How do let others know what good actions or behaviors are? You must be a model. Do the things you want others to do; be the kind of person you want others to be.

Seth Godin likes to say, “people like us do things like this.” Invite people to be “people like us,” whoever you think “people like us” should be. Then, do the things you want others to do, and when they follow, praise them for it!

Model good behavior. Praise others when they perform good work. Ignore the rest.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Great power. Great responsibility.

Uncle Ben said it best: “with great power comes great responsibility.” This should be the phrase by which every leader and marketer lives.

Marketing and leadership are two fields primarily focused on influence. Leaders focus their efforts on influencing what work gets done and on what companies place emphasis; marketers focus on what products get made, what gets purchased, and what changes are made in our culture.

With great influence also comes great responsibility. Leaders and marketers have in their hands the power to persuade others towards things that are either helpful or harmful.

Who gets to decide which is which? Technically, it’s the follower, the consumer, or the customer. But we are all human–we know before a customer tells us whether or not our product or idea will harm her.

If you lead others, if you sell, or if you persuade, please take your responsibility–the power you have over other people–seriously.

Don’t take advantage.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Networking is terrible, but there is a better way.

Networking – the idea of surrounding yourself with lots of people who might be able to open doors for you and help you get jobs – is a terrible practice.

It sucks.

The premise is flawed; it goes against every notion and every principle of decency and humanity. To effectively network, it seems one must adopt the mindset of, “What can this person do for me? How can she connect me with the HR department at [insert famous company]? What resources can she offer me so that I can get better (more marketable and attractive to potential employers)?”

Take, take, take, take. It’s a very common practice in Social Networking – some will say, “Use [pick your Social Media poison] to grow as many potentially helpful connections as possible so that maybe one of them can help you get a job at a certain company.”

The selfish focus, the mindset of “me,” is horrid. What is worse: it often backfires and alienates those you are attempting to use for your own selfish gains.

You think these “connections” can’t read right through your message? You’re wrong.

A new way to network

I propose a new way to network – go on your LinkedIn profile and start going down the list of connections. For each one, ask yourself this question: “Can I make a contribution to this person today, and if so, how?”

One important note: this requires a paradigm shift – a genuine change in your way of thinking (here’s a post about paradigms). You cannot adopt this posture while thinking in the back of your mind, “How can I contribute in a way that will get me something later?” You haven’t actually changed anything about the process that way.

If you really want to test this out, find someone in your list of connections who truly cannot “do” anything for you, in the sense of making a connection, giving a recommendation, or helping you get a job. When you find this person, ask yourself what contribution you can make: maybe it’s a simple message of gratitude for something they posted; perhaps it’s asking how their business is performing during the current crisis.

It doesn’t have to be much – it only has to be genuine. Only you will know if your intentions are pure.

“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”

–John F. Kennedy

JFK said it well, and the same message applies to networking.

Ask not what your connections can do for you; ask what you can do for your connections.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Accepting things as they are doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about them

The latest newsletter by Ryan Holiday on Stoicism (feel free to read it here) got me thinking about the difference between stoically, proactively accepting something as it is versus doing so in a passive, resigned way.

Holiday points out that Stoics were once criticized as being “too resigned…[accepting] the status quo.” That particular phrase got me thinking about accepting reality and taking action.

There are plenty of folks in the world who accept things passively, resignedly, like a sad sack – “there’s nothing I can do about it.” However, that isn’t what Stoics, or indeed, any religious or philosophical teaching truly preached.

Jesus told us turn the other cheek.

Epictetus told us to accept the things we can’t control as they are.

However, none of this means we simply roll over and die, accepting our fate. Quite the opposite, in fact. What these teachings tell us to do is face reality, then take action.

Circle of influence

Stephen Covey talks about the “Circle of Concern” and “Circle of Influence” in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; these two circles are precisely the ideas about which Jesus, Epictetus, and other Stoic philosophers were trying to teach us.

There are things that we simply cannot change or do anything about. You can’t control whether someone slaps you in the face. You can’t control the economy, the weather, what the politicians in Washington do, or what your boss is like. You have to accept these as reality, or you will waste time and energy banging your head against the wall.

You can control how you respond to the guy who slaps you in the face, how you handle your money in times of crises, or how you dress and prepare when the weather turns nasty.

You can control how you treat other people, whether or not you vote, whether you actively contribute to your community, or whether you make positive deposits into your most important relationships.

You can control what skills you learn, how diligent you are in your job search, whether you give more than you are asked and build more trust with your boss as a result, and how you react when the boss doesn’t change his behavior.

Complaining, comparing, attempting to change things involving other people’s behavior, or changing the way the world works, for the most part, is ridiculously ineffective. You must instead focus your attention on things over which you have actual influence and control; most of the time those are things involve you: your behaviors, your actions, and your views of the world.

Accepting things as they are is the most important first step in changing how things are.

Until you accept reality as it is, there is nothing you can do to make a difference.

That’s my rant for today. Thanks for reading.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Leadership as an experiment

The only way to become a leader, or to improve as a leader if you already are, is to treat everything like one giant science experiment.

Start with a hypothesis: “If I do/try/encourage _____, then ______ will happen/change/get better.”

What are you positing? What are you already presuming? Start with an observation you believe to be true.

Here’s an example:

“My employees feel disconnected from the company’s mission.”(Observation)

“If I meet regularly with them one-on-one to discuss what they believe is most important, then they will feel involved, supported, and I might get some really good ideas about how we can improve things around here.”(Hypothesis and potential solution)

At this point the experiment begins. Set parameters: what do “regular meetings” look like? What sort of questions will I ask? Am I prepared to listen empathically, to really understand how they feel and what they think matters?

You’ll gather data and attempt to put the ideas into practice (another experiment, perhaps). Test the ideas; observe what happens; use the information gathered to make changes as needed; repeat the experiment.

Think like a scientist.

If you think like a scientist, you don’t simply run the experiment and assume that it works. A scientist doesn’t hypothesize something, put on a blindfold, call the experiment a success, and move on to the next idea. The scientist tests, observes, measures, and solicits feedback. When you get that data, it will show either progress or regression – support for your idea or arguments against it. Use that data to adjust your hypothesis and experiment again, until it either works or becomes obvious that your hypothesis was wrong.

You are going to be wrong. Often.

There is only one way to avoid being wrong: don’t try to become a better leader. If you are willing to become a better leader, you must be willing to be wrong. Since you know you are going to be wrong, you need to become comfortable with honesty and transparency.

“This idea that I had, this new way of doing things, it didn’t work. I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

Humility and Trust

A leader must be humble and emotionally mature enough to admit errors and missteps. If you attempt to hide your failure, if you put the blame on anyone or anything other than yourself, if you pretend it all worked out when it’s obvious it didn’t, you will lose the trust and respect of those who serve under you. It will be very hard to get that back.

Think like a scientist. Test, observe, measure, and get feedback on your ideas. Experiment.

Most importantly, don’t ignore the data, and apologize when you’re wrong.

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by Nathan Coumbe

“But why is no one listening to me?”

You are having an argument with your spouse, and she doesn’t understand your point of view, no matter how much you push it.

Your children won’t do anything that you ask them to do. They won’t engage or communicate with you; they shut down every time you try to talk to them.

You are writing blogs and posts, but no one is reading or responding to them.

You’ve created a product that will change lives, but no one is buying it.

Naturally, you ask the question:

“Why is no one listening to me?”

You feel you are doing everything right. You have the right ideas or the right argument; you know more than your children; this product is truly amazing and has revolutionized the way you see and do things. And yet, no one is listening. No one is engaging. No one is buying.

Why?

Because you aren’t listening to them.

The only way to get others to listen to you, to engage with you, to buy from you, is to listen to them and understand their points of view, their wants, and their needs.

If you bludgeon people over the head with your arguments and ideas, they won’t accept them; they don’t have the same ideas, the same noise inside their heads. They are telling themselves different stories. The key to being listened to, to making an impact, is to understand those other stories.

You don’t have to agree with them, but you do have to listen to and understand them. When people feel understand, when they feel heard, when they know that you see them and their side of things, they feel more open to hearing what you have to say.

“Seek first to understand, then be understood.”

–Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

No one is listening to you because you aren’t listening to them.

Your spouse won’t listen to your side of the argument because all you are thinking of is your side of the argument.

Your children won’t listen to your advice and guidance – even though you probably do know more and understand more than they do – because they don’t feel like you understand them, how they feel, or the narrative in their heads.

No one is buying your stuff because as awesome as it is, they don’t get how it will benefit them or how it will make them feel once they use it. Why? Because you didn’t take the time to understand what they want or how they want to feel.

Understand

To influence someone, you must open yourself to the possibility of being influenced by the other person. This means creating a feeling of understanding in the other person. This is not meant to be manipulative: you must genuinely want to understand the other person. Also, people can tell if you are simply trying to manipulate them rather than understand them.

Listen to what your spouse wants; listen to how your children feel; listen to the needs and frustrations of your customers.

Understanding must always come first; otherwise you’ll fail.

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by Nathan Coumbe

Marketing isn’t evil. You are.

Okay, so you’re not evil – I just wanted to get your attention.

Our culture is so used to being “sold to”, to being bombarded with advertisements and brand marketing that we’ve been taught to believe that marketing, trying to influence someone to do something or change something or buy something, is evil.

Marketing is a tool. Tools are not evil; they are morally neutral. Their capacity for good or for evil lies in the hands of the wielder.

Would you ever call a hammer evil? Of course not: personifying an inanimate object with morality is preposterous. If you used the hammer to bludgeon someone to death…is the hammer guilty of evil or are you? Did the hammer commit evil?

Likewise, if the hammer is used to put a nail into a wall to hang a picture for a little old lady in a retirement home, the hammer is not good, nor has it done good. The person using the hammer has used it for its intended purpose to do good.

Marketing is not evil, but people doing marketing can be. Using marketing is evil if it is used to persuade people to do bad things or to do things that cause harm to themselves or others. Using marketing for deception is wrong.

Marketing that creates beneficial change in the world is good. Persuading people to do something that helps themselves or creates better circumstances, even if they know they are being influenced by marketing, is good.

Marketing isn’t good or evil, but what and how you market might be.

Go market the right thing in the right way.

(Who determines what the right thing is? That is a discussion for another day.)

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