Never lunge for the ball.
If you make a bad throw, just let it drop. Then start over.
Learning to juggle taught me how to handle life: sometimes you make a bad throw.
Sometimes you take on one too many projects. Or Murphy’s Law derails your plans.
Don’t lunge to save things. Let them drop.
Reset, and begin anew.
It’s a truism, but you can’t do more than you can do.
Yet we insist on committing to more than we’ll ever be capable of doing.
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” —Arthur Ashe
You can’t do more than that. And you don’t have to.
What do you value? And how do you structure your life so that the things you value are apparent?
If you say you value thinking, how do you engage with that value on a daily basis?
If you say you value your health, how does that show up in your day?
Values are developed through action. They requires practice to become part of who you are.
It’s a stupid interview question. The only true answer is: “I have no idea.” Because I don’t know what this job will look like until I start doing it.
Will I want to keep doing it? Will I want a promotion (if one’s available)? Will the job be obsolete by that time? (That one is more and more likely.)
But it’s a great question to ask yourself. Not because you know the answer—it will most likely change as time passes. It’s because the outcome you envision for yourself can help dictate the behaviors you take now.
If, in 5 years, you see yourself retiring early and spending your weeks on the beach, you know there are some things you need to do. Pay off debt. Invest aggressively. Save, save, save!
If, in 5 years, you want to compete at a high recreational level in tennis, you need to work on conditioning drills, mobility, tennis skills…and hire a coach.
If, in 5 years, you want to send your first child off to kindergarten, you know now that you should work on your finances, improve your health, and have a conversation with your partner about starting a family.
It’s a stupid interview question. But it’s a great life question.
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Many of the greatest business and self-help books of all time are woefully outdated.
And I don’t mean the examples used in the books. The working world has changed so much that the underlying assumptions on which the books are based no long apply.
Work hard and get promoted. You’ll make more money.
Move up the ladder for more responsibility, greater impact, and a nicer life.
Specialize in a certain field or department. That’s how you win.
The problem is the ladder is gone. There’s nothing to climb anymore.
Middle managers on are the way out. You’re either a doer or a leader (and often both at the same time).
Specialists are getting replaced by AI. We don’t need as many of them anymore.
Hard work doesn’t really matter much anymore. A computer can work harder, faster, and cheaper than you.
What matters now are remarkable results, unforgettable impact, and connection with other people. And being able to use AI and all the other technology available to us as tools to achieve those three things.
It’s the rare person who stays with one company and gets promoted over and over, making more money each time.
More likely, you’ll bounce around to 15 different companies over your working life, becoming a generalist that can synthesize tons of different fields.
And before you know it, you’re making your own field, your own specialty job that combines everything you’ve learned into something new.
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I spent years of my life being criticized (often brutally) by teachers and peers during my time as a musician.
It hurt—a lot. For a while, anyway.
Eventually you realize something:
It’s not about you. It’s about the work.
Even when the comments seem personal or exceedingly harsh.
You realize there’s this other thing you’re trying to bring into the world (in my case, a piece of music). And there are ways to do it that are creative and wonderful… And ways to do it that are just plain wrong.
At some point, the musician realizes that the people they’re making art with all have the same goal: to bring to life a beautiful piece of music in the way it needs to be.
And when you’re all working toward that shared goal, it makes the feedback easier to bear. You learn to separate the self from the art.
It’s not about you—it’s about the work.
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In the movie Lions for Lambs, Robert Redford’s character asks his professor a poignant question:
“Is there any difference in trying but failing, and simply failing to try—if you end up in the same place anyway?”
Of course there is.
If you try to do something, you at least have a chance at succeeding, however small it may be.
But if you don’t try because you’re too scared of failing… Then you’ve already failed. In that scenario, you’ve guaranteed your failure. You’ve taken possibility and luck out of the equation.
If everyone adopted that nihilistic attitude, then nothing would ever happen. Our lives, businesses, relationships—literally everything—would come to a screeching halt. We’d be living in entropy, slowly withering away to nothing.
Our lives are built on failure. The striving for worthwhile goals is what helps us grow, not the achievement of those goals.
So if you have a choice between trying and failing, or not trying because you’ll end up in the same place either way, make the choice to try.
Here are just a few things…
Where does this time come from?
By saying no to a few minutes of social media each day. Or watching one less episode of your favorite show.
That small sacrifice can pay enormous dividends in your future, and your life satisfaction in general.
I can’t remember where I first heard something similar to that headline (it may have been Seth Godin…)
But the idea occurred to me that so much of what we do is an attempt to get away from our daily lives…
People do drugs or drink to numbness to escape reality…
They take vacations to get away from work or family or just about anything else…
And those moments just become these little blips of happiness on the radar. Not even happiness, really, but bursts of pleasure…
But contrary to popular belief, pleasure and happiness aren’t the same thing.
I think the key to good living is this:
Create a reality from which you don’t want to escape.
Easier said than done, I know. And plenty of people have real horrors they need to escape from (I know from way too much personal experience).
But few of us rarely sit down for a few quiet minutes and take the time to think about what that reality would be.
I’d encourage you to take a few minutes now— with pen in hand and a few pieces of paper—and write out any- and everything that comes to mind about the lifestyle from which you wouldn’t want to escape.
Then ask yourself what the first step would be on the way to making that reality real.
Because no one else is going to make that reality for you. You’ve got to do the work yourself.
And it’s sad, but true, that you might be at a severe disadvantage compared to others due to things that are completely out of your control—or shouldn’t even matter.
But that doesn’t change what YOU have to do to get what you want.
I went to get my oil changed the other day at one of those quick-stop places that litter every metropolitan area.
As I pulled up, the gentleman at the computer started talking to me through my window to get my information.
The man below my car (the one who would be doing the oil change), yelled up…
“Tell the idiot turn his car off!”
Okay… So I did.
Then I was asked to pop the hood. I pulled the tab, saw the front of my car move a bit and heard a pop. I assumed that I’d popped the hood, and so did the person who’d just collected my information.
We sat for a few seconds trying to figure out why he couldn’t open it—much too long for the gentleman waiting below.
He stormed up the stairs, cussing at the top of his lungs, and started banging on my hood.
That’s when I realized that I might have popped the trunk instead (all the buttons are right next to each other and my trunk doesn’t move when you pop the lock).
So I hit the correct button. And I was greeted with the longest awkward silence of my life.
The man looked at me, and through gritted teeth snarled, “You pressed the wrong damn button, didn’t you?”
Well, obviously I had. And he wasn’t happy—and things quickly got out of hand.
That man RAGED AND STORMED all over the garage yelling at the top of his lungs for employees and customers alike to hear.
“I’m so tired of dealing with F@#*ING IDIOTS like this!!!”
“I need these F@#*CKING IDIOTS to learn how to use their damn cars!”
“What the hell is the matter with these a@#holes today?”
He screamed, he kicked tools and tires, he sounded on the verge of murder…
After his tantrum, he stormed back down the stairs, cussing up a storm all the way.
Now, I’ll admit—I was both angrier than I’d ever been and mortified beyond belief.
I didn’t tip him (as I always do), but I paid my bill after the service was performed and drove away, fuming and on the verge of starting my own tantrum.
But after I’d been driving for a couple of minutes, a different thought entered my mind:
How bad had his day been to trigger a reaction like that?
What did he have going on in his life that made him HURT like that?
Because I realized (from plenty of past experience) that the only times people act that way are when they’re feeling some unbearable pain inside.
I realized very quickly that it had absolutely NOTHING to do with me (or at least very little).
As Zig Ziglar would say, “Someone had been kicking his cat. All. Day. Long.”
I think that’s the lesson of this story:
It’s not about you.
Something else (possibly lots of things) happened before I ever showed up. There might have been trouble at home. He might have had an angry boss. Or a jerk for a customer that treated him the same way just a few minutes before I got there.
When people act out like that, they’re hurting, insecure, scared… And emotional.
Aren’t we all?
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